If you’re one of the unfortunate Americans that live in flyover country, I have bad news for you. Our nation’s capital is now pretty much off limits to you.
Last week I had business in Washington, D.C., and planned a few extra days to reacquaint myself with our nation’s history. It turned out to be the week from hell.
My first mistake was driving my SUV. The beltway encircling D.C. resembles a scene from Dante’s Inferno. Fellow drivers inside the beltway were just plain rude. All of them. As a result of being unable to change lanes, I missed my exit and spent the next two hours wandering narrow streets rife with “No Left Turn” and “One Way” signs. I started getting a bit anxious.
I finally made it to my hotel, whereupon I found that there were no smoking rooms available, despite my specific reservation. I figured if I’m spending three hundred dollars for a room, plus an extra thirty dollars for my car, I should be able to do what I want. Not so. Smoking in my room would incur a three hundred dollar fine.
I logged on to the Internet and found that there were no rooms available anywhere in D.C. Hotel rooms cost an average of three hundred and fifty dollars per night. Quite affordable if the government or lobbying firms foot the bill, but quite out of my league. Alas.
Having decided to shorten my stay, I ventured out the next day to get in as much sightseeing as I could. I quickly found myself wandering in a sea of bureaucrats. I was awed to be in the presence of so many important people (in D.C., everyone is, or acts, important). The majority of them had furrowed brows as if the weight of the world was on their shoulders. And they were all focused intensely—on themselves. I was invisible.
D.C. is a beautiful city. Our monuments are awe-inspiring and the sense of history is overwhelming. Unfortunately, the culture in D.C. is not welcoming to regular Americans. Tourists are merely tolerated, unless they’re somebody.
D.C. has been taken over by those who seek power and influence. It has a very clear social hierarchy, as do most cities. Unless you’re rich, famous, powerful, or an insider, you’re no one. Just the poor sucker whose taxes pay for it. What sets this city apart, however, is that they make absolutely no effort to hide it. Egos have replaced good manners.
Tourists are barely tolerated and largely unacknowledged. The only smiles I received were from fellow diners as I committed the social sin of giving thanks to God for the meal I was about to receive. And those smiles were condescending sneers.
The city itself is imploding. The infrastructure is falling apart. Traffic is a nightmare, parking is nonexistent, and hotel accommodations are available only to those willing to spend their life savings. D.C. is no longer for the people. It’s for power players jockeying to get close to the seat of power. The power culture is toxic and infectious.
As a conservative, I seldom criticize something without offering a solution. Here’s what I would suggest as a surefire way to remake our nation’s capital back into the people’s capital.
Since Obama is into redistribution, I suggest we redistribute D.C. With the exception of the White House, Supreme Court, and Congress, how about we take all the government agencies and parcel them out to the states. Hey, South Carolina would get a much needed shot in the economic arm if say, the CBO and the FDA moved here from D.C.
Other agencies like the FDA, the IRS, the CIA, etc., would immediately achieve tremendous cost savings by relocating their headquarters to flyover country. Thus freeing up buildings that could be used to house people like me who want to visit D.C. Call it affirmative action for tourists.
