Know Your Inseam
Know the seam on the inside of your pants leg. I often end up needing to have my jeans hemmed because I think I’m a 34 inseam and for some strange reason, I’m not. If you’re shopping for jeans to wear with heels, then bring a pair of heels with you so you can accurately gauge what length you need. You can also just measure the inseam of a pair of jeans that you already like to wear with heels.
Tip: If you need to get an expensive pair of jeans hemmed, ask your tailor to keep the original hem intact. It’ll cost you $30 at most, but it’s worth it.
Pay Attention to Pocket Shape and Angle
Most brands now have distinctive back pocket designs that will show the world how much you paid for your jeans (too much), but keep an eye on the pocket shape to be sure it shows off your bottom to its best advantage. Hexagonal-shaped pockets that angle in toward the center tend to work best to create a heart-shaped bottom for any body style. Pockets placed slightly higher on your tush tend to make a flat bottom look perkier. Flap, or cargo pockets, also add some oomph to a small tush, though if I had one, I don’t think I’d want to hide it behind pockets. Long pockets that pass the bottom of your bottom (quite a journey in my case), work wonders to shape and lift a full bottom.
Tip: Avoid excess pocket design and embellishment unless you really do want to draw all the attention to your rear end. Besides it’s kind of tacky.
Know What Suits You
Don’t immediately assume that you should be wearing yellow skinny leg jeans or vintage-wash 70’s jeans just because they are trendy. Just like with any other item of clothing, you should always go with what works for you and incorporate trends in other ways like with jewelry, bags, or shoes. Knowing what waist, thigh, length, inseam, and backside suits you can take hours of trying on, note-taking, and abuse from a too-honest girlfriend or too-brutal teenager, but future jean-shopping trips will be more focused as a result.
Tip: If you don’t have an honest friend (you have bigger problems), bring your camera and ask an assistant to take a picture of you in each pair. I swear, the camera never lies—unlike the mirror!
What I found:
- High-waist jeans make my generous butt look like it starts even higher than it does
- A lower waistline visually breaks down the behind, creating the illusion of less real estate, while a too-low waistline can create builder’s cleavage, also known as “muffin top.”
- A skinny-leg jean accentuates a fuller bottom and makes my legs look even stubbier, while a slightly flared leg elongates the leg and balances out a big old bottom. The bootcut or flare leg is also best for full thighs.
- If you’ve got a fine pair of legs, then it is your obligation to flaunt them with a slim cut jean. This style in a dark wash is always chic.
- The wide leg jean is called that because it flatters a wider range of bodytypes … okay, and because it has a wide leg too.
Embrace Science
UK chain Selfridges has a Bodymetrics made-to-measure jean service that makes me want to hit my paddleboat. Basically, your body is “scanned” creating a “digital replica” of your size and shape. This is then used to produce jeans that are tailored to the exact lines of your body. From there you choose the fabric, wash, fit, rise, and cut. If you can’t quite paddle over the Atlantic, try online services like Zafu and TrueJeans to find jean selections customized to your unique measurements.
It’s Not You, It’s the Jeans
Remember, it’s never that you’re not made right, but rather that the jeans you’ve been associating with were not made right for you. The perfect pair is sitting on a shelf waiting for you to understand what you need. As Euripides, who lived from 480–406 BC and mostly wore a sheet, always said, “Know first who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly.”
