I love fall. The beginning of crisp weather, Halloween, and—finally—the end of wedding season. But my favorite thing about fall is the return of cool-weather attire. Scarves, coats, and boots—call me conservative (or insecure!), but I’ll take them over bikinis and sundresses any day.
This year, we’ve got plenty of good stuff on the racks to choose from. Unfortunately, we’ve also got plenty to laugh at. Some worrying styles have slipped through the cracks and into the stores (and been adopted by impressionable celebs!) despite their utter ridiculousness.
Excelle has identified ten of this season’s most heinous fashion crimes.
1. Acid Washed Jeans
These were bad enough the first time around. This faded wash comes from stripping the fabric of its dye to expose the white underneath. It can be done all over or in bits and splotches. Either way, it’s hideous.
Here is the rule for fashion comebacks: If you were old enough to wear them the first time around, you’re too old to wear them in their resurgence. In the case of acid washed jeans, age is irrelevant. No one looks good in these.
2. Cutouts
This trend started back in ’08 and continues to force its way onto the scene. From dresses to shoes to leggings, fabric is being cut right out of our favorite items like it’s going out of style (and we hope it is). Is the recession to blame? Are designers saving money by skimping on fabric? Who knows?! What I do know is that this style always looks like a manufacturing flaw to me.
There are, of course, some exceptions. Mad Men’s January Jones wore a very elegant Versace gown at the Emmys that could technically be considered a “cutout” gown, yet it managed to be stunning in its art-deco glory. But a little black dress that looks like a paper snowflake? No, thank you.
3. Oversized Shoulder Pads
Joan Crawford first popularized shoulder pads her 1932 film Letty Lynton, and the style has made several comebacks ever since. But none has been more memorable than the shoulder pad craze of the 1980s, when the look became the single most defining feature in a decade known for full-blown power dressing. So it’s no surprise that in 2009 (as all things 80s resurface), shoulder pads are back on the scene.
And hey, we admit it—we’re liking the return of power dressing. We’re even coming around to the idea of shoulder pads, in the spirit of creating a more structured silhouette. But the “ear-brushing” look being sported by Victoria Beckham and Rihanna? These things look like something out of Star Trek. Or worse, Monday Night Football.
3. Half Shaved Hair
Back in the early 90s, some of the more “alternative” girls at school used to shave their heads just at the nape of the neck—a type of risk-free, suburbanite rebellion. All you had to do was take down your ponytail after school and no one at the dinner table would be the wiser!
The new hairstyle being sported by Rihanna (it’s her second offense!) and others is reminiscent of that era—but gutsier. And not in a good way. I can’t imagine any of us mere mortals would actually sport this look in real life, but enough celebrities have jumped on the bandwagon to make it worth pointing out (read: mocking).
5. Harem Pants
Otherwise known as parachute pants. Or—to a certain generation—Hammer pants. A ballooning, pleated top followed by an exceptionally unflattering tapered ankle? Classy!
These pants don’t look good on anyone. Not celebrities, not models and certainly not you or me. Why? If skinny jeans are unforgiving to anyone without a perfect silhouette, harem pants manage to be even worse by adding pounds to the most slender of physiques. Not to mention the fact that they just look stupid. So, unless you want your behind to look four times its size (and saggy), steer clear of this trend.
