I am about to reveal the greatest holiday season controversy to you.
You already know what it is, but perhaps you have not come to terms with it quite yet.
Millions of women own them, with stacks of them lining their cold wooden bureaus, waiting to be unleashed as the weather permits. The mysterious objects seem like a practical solution on a cold winter’s day. More than practical for some, even vibrant and inviting. A conversation starter, a warm holiday greeting, a constant companion. It sickens me.
A thirty-something may own a single one, while the more aged may boast an entire collection. However, age is not discriminatory in the owning of these monstrosities, I am quite sorry to say.
They come in all colors of the rainbow. However, the holiday seasons lends itself a more jovial red and green assortment. Even more numerous than the colors are the textures, ornamentations, and decorations, of which I can not hope to describe without gagging. I am sorry to remain vague.
Even though their main purpose is to provide comfort and “joy” in the chilly months, somehow I find them sneaking out on a cool summer’s day for a little spin. Apparently they are created in lighter materials to suit all occasions, weather, and festivities. What genius designer thought of that. Note the sarcasm.
I am almost certain that they only manufacture them in the United States, as I have never seen them elsewhere. This tragedy is on the top three reasons as to why I am moving to Europe when I am of age.
So, either you have conjured an answer to my riddle or your mind is in the gutter.
The solution is: the dreaded, most ghastly, and horrifying holiday sweaters.
Now, at reading the answer, you have either chuckled and decided to move on to another article because this controversy does not concern you or you are in strong denial. “Me? Have an ugly holiday sweater? Of course not.” However, you are only fooling yourself. I am sure if you ask a loved one, they will be able to respond immediately as to whether you own one. No thinking required.
