An Ode to Movember: The Best Celeb Mustaches

Ashton Kutcher once tweeted, “I met the great Tom Selleck today. So jealous of the ’stache. It’s glorious and full. He’s really cool too … Tom Selleck’s mustache is Victoria’s Secret. Tom Selleck’s mustache is the fifth Beatle … I am going to encourage Tom to do a ‘got milk’ commercial.” ’Nuff said. Thanks, Ash; give my best to Demi.

Photo source: Alan Light

If Hogan really does know best, does that mean all men should be rocking a platinum, handlebar mustache? (The answer to that is no—definitely not.) However, if anyone can rock this look it’s the Hulkster. (Furthermore, I doubt anyone would have the balls to tell him any different.)

Photo source: Wikimedia Commons

Since Coming to America was the best movie of all time, we’ll forgive you for Daddy Day Care and Norbit, but messing around with Scary Spice … you’re on your own there, Ed. (However, you do look man-a-licious with a cleanly-trimmed ’stache.)

Photo source: Wikimedia Commons

Attorney, author, and former talk-show host, Geraldo is known for sensationalizing the sensational. I bet his stories wouldn’t garner quite as much attention without the omnipresence of his hairy upper lip that has survived the 1970s, ’80s, and ’90s to last until today.

Photo source: markn3tel

From Boogie Nights to All Dogs Go to Heaven, Burt is one of the most recognizable figures in Hollywood. His mustache has become a pop culture phenomenon. There are blogs, Facebook groups, and websites dedicated to preserving Burt Reynold’s dashing ’stache.

Photo source: Wikimedia Commons

Even though Dr. Phil is arguably the most annoying man on the planet, he does rock a killer mustache and a paradoxically bald head to match.

Photo source: Wikimedia Commons

Borat Sagdiyev: What kind of car can I buy that attract woman with hairless vagine?
Car Dealership Owner: That would be a Corvette.
How can this man not be on any “best” list?

Photo source: Wikimedia Commons

Sean Penn is elusive, a bit creepy, and definitely sexy. While he sports a real mustache at times, word on the street is that his fake one fell into his costar’s mouth during a particularly hot and heavy kiss scene in the movie Milk.

Photo source: Wikimedia Commons

He’s the king of porn and the czar of creepy mustaches. He’s also credited for birthing the “porn ’stache” and the subsequent outbreak of mustaches in the porn industry.

Photo source: Wikimedia Commons

Dali himself wrote a book entitled, Dali’s Mustache. The back cover of this wit-ridden photographic interview warns, “This book is preposterous!” Somehow Dali without a mustache is a cupcake without frosting—it just ain’t right.

Photo source: Wikimedia Commons

One of the most prominent news figures of our time, Cronkite was the first and last in a twenty-year string of mustached anchormen. “And that’s the way it was.”

Photo source: Wikimedia Commons

And it’s just like the ocean under the moon/Well it’s the same as the emotion that I get from you/You got the kinda loving that can be so smooth/Yeah/Give me your heart/Make it real/Or else forget about it … With lyrics like that, you could rock a brow ’stache and still be cool.

Photo source: Wikimedia Commons