My dad’s not Pa Ingalls. He’s not even Homer Simpson. He’s Marty. He’s one of the forgotten dads who marketers ignore every Father’s Day. He neither wants—nor deserves—the new grill (with matching “King of the BBQ” apron), the GPS device, or the personalized golf balls. He’s a member of the dad demographic that doesn’t exactly fit the Hallmark “dear old dad” stereotype. This group includes everyone from the dad who forgets his kid’s birthday, to the dad who forgets his kid’s name, to the dad who forgets his kid altogether. He’s not perfect—he’s human, and let’s face it, Brad Pitt can’t adopt us all. This Father’s Day, instead of buying for the dads we wish we had, I say we buy for the ones we’re stuck with.
Pissed Off Dad
Dad is eternally pissed. You can’t say hello without pissing him off and it makes you want to strangle the man. With the “Things you do that really piss me off” pad, you can both express your peeves without rolling up your sleeves. Putting your frustrations to paper will facilitate your own psychological well-being, but Dad might just enjoy an organized whine. There are only sixty pages per pad, so you might want to get him a few.
Photo source: KnockKnock.biz
Cheap Dad
The man’s so cheap he’d peel an orange in his pocket so he wouldn’t have to share. You can wish he’d buy himself new clothes or you can help him patch up the ones he has with this Underwear Repair Kit. The kit includes iron-on patches, White Out, duct tape, elastic waistband, a needle and thread, safety pins, and a thirty-two-page manual.
Photo source: FredFlare.com
Ignorance Is Bliss Dad
You want to share your grievances, but Dad keeps ducking you so he doesn’t have to hear. Catch him where he’s a sitting duck—in the bathroom. This battery-powered Talking TP records and plays back any message. Want to tell him he was never there for you? Just press the “record” button, say what’s on your mind, load up with some TP, and you’re ready to go. Your message will play whenever paper is pulled.
Photo source: UrbanOutfitters.com
Forgetful Dad
Hallmark doesn’t make an “Even though you forgot to pick me up from school that time and I was run over by a bus, I love you anyway” card for Father’s Day, so you’ll have to get yourself a box of crayons and some paper. However, if you’re looking for a creative solution to dad forgetting his grandkids’ names, why not get him a To-Do Tattoo kit? It includes twelve “To Do” forms that Dad can apply to his hand (or forehead) and then fill in with a skin-safe washable ink.
Photo source: PerpetualKid.com
Cocky Dad
He thinks the sun shines out of his arse; you think you were always lost in his shadow. You can gift this “I Pee Excellence” tee sarcastically, but chances are he’ll receive it enthusiastically.
Photo source: SnorgTees.com
