There are times in every woman’s life when she realizes that sexism is alive and well in the business world. No matter how hard we try we are still often excluded from the male social networking that often closes deals. Women who try too hard to be “one of the guys” are deemed unfeminine. Women who ignore male social networking miss out on the inside tips and hand-shake business deals which often accompany such outings. So, what is a girl to do when the old boy network says—“See you later sister!” Here are my tips for how to handle some of these delicate situations. It is a humorous look at the pitfalls of being a woman in the male social networking scene.
The Strip Club Outing
Now we all know the idiom that “Boys will be Boys” but this doesn’t mean that we women have to be excluded from the pact. What should a girl do if the boys decide that the local strip club is the place for after hour’s drinks? Oh sure, cries of lawsuit and sexism will get you noticed but will probably not make you popular. The more resourceful girl will simply call the wives of the offending co-workers thus insuring these outings are a thing of the past. Problem solved.
Rude and Lewd Language
In the same vein as the Strip Club outing, women are often excluded when male co-workers conversations veer off at social networking functions to rude and lewd language. Women who allow their tongues to drip with the same filthy language will not find acceptance. Sexist? Yes. What to do? Simple. To stop all rude and lewd language in its tracts, just simply look the offender in the eyes and say, “Would you kiss me with a mouth like that?” This Freudian slip of the classic, “Would you kiss your mother with a mouth like that?” is guaranteed to make the male brain freeze and to render the offending male speechless as he tries to process what you just said. When he finally stammers out, “What did you say?” You smile and repeat the phrase correctly. The male brain will be so bamboozled that it will forget what it was being lewd about and normal conversation shall resume.
The Sports Bar
This is a tough social network to crack. For example, even if you know what you are talking about most men will choose not to hear you. There is only one way to break into this network. In order to be taken seriously, you must trump the male’s knowledge of the game. Sounds hard but it is quite simple.
Take football for example. First, you must learn the offense from the defense. The offense has the ball; the defense wants it. After the next play, lean coyly over to your male co-worker and say, do you think the Raiders (or whoever) should have run a dime defense? (Pray they didn’t or you will have to give up cracking this network and slither home in shame.) When the male laughs in your face and asks what you know about the dime defense say, “A dime defense is where two nickel backs, the 5th and 6th defensive backs, replace linebackers.”
Next, bat your eyes and say, “Come on guy, you know my cousin won the Butkus award in 1987.” Then before the male can respond say, “You think you know sports? Let’s see. Who is the only player to win the Butkus award two years in a row?” The answer is Brian Bosworth. The normal sports fanatic will be stumped by these obscure questions and you will never need to know another thing about sports as you will now be seen as an authority. To keep the ruse running, before each sports club outing, go on the net and find a useless piece of sports trivia, commit it to memory and watch your legend grow as the only cool girl invited to the sports club.
