I wear black because black is how I feel.
Eight days a week, 360 days a year, this babe is back in black from head to toe as my work uniform of choice. It doesn’t matter if I am stepping out in slacks or showing off a sassy little skirt, my attire is almost always a shade of black.
Always appropriate and simply stylish, black is the once and future black, the queen color of the corporate world. It’s easy to accessorize with a pop of color (or with something trés chic noir for that matter!) and always look good to go.
Besides, it radiates my most perfect perception of myself: a little black cloud in killer heels.
Way back when I was just a fresh young cube dweller with stars and doors in my eyes, I could only afford a handful of suits so I bought everything in black to mix and match. I have seen no reason to deviate from this plan as I have scaled the heights of the hierarchy.
Yes, I do get the occasional snide: Who died? Depressed much? But I can honestly say that I take pride in being called the Princess of Darkness. I mean, just one hard look at corporate America will tell you that most of us work shoulder-to-padded shoulder with fashion faux pas.
Let’s start with those who go overboard on the color spectrum. I mean, is it just me or is there something about a short-sleeved baby-blue suit that just screams: “I am not management material”? And while floral prints might be cute at the garden party, they wilt in the heat of the boardroom.
And the older (wiser?) I get, the more I seem to be surrounded by midriff-bearing millennials who frankly seem out of step with the corporate environment. To be honest, it’s not that they don’t look good; it’s more that they look out of place. Many of these juniors make it their jobs to take Casual Friday to new lows in the literal sense with a flash of the thong and a flicker of a bra. And don’t even get me started on graphic tees … A woman on my floor recently sported a fitted tee emblazoned with the message: Here Comes Trouble. Seriously. All I could think was: There Goes Your Promotion.
Of course, there are some who do get away with leveraging their assets around the office, if you know what I mean. We’ve all known throw-back sexy secretary types—the woman who slinks into the meeting with a silicone-squeezing sweater. She might be offering coffee, but everyone is thinking about her cupcakes …
And what about the many wardrobe malfunctions of the men around the office? Oh boy, I need a whole other column for that. Stay tuned.
Remember, if you don’t have anything nice to say, my door is always open …
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