At a recent event for Equal Justice Works, an organization that provides training for lawyers committed to public service, I was seated next to a young attorney. I learned that she is planning a wedding and was anxious because she had been out of town for a week and was unable to check off more details from her “to-do” list. Commiserating about the intensity and challenges of wedding planning while working full-time, I assured her that all would work out well in the end.
She asked about my business and seemed fascinated to learn that my husband and I jointly own a consulting company. She had often considered whether she and her fiancé could work together. They were in the same year in law school and spent a great deal of time together. She wasn’t sure it would work, but seemed intrigued by the possibility.
She hesitated and asked, “What is it like to work with your husband?”
I have been asked this many times, and I always give a version of the same truthful answer: “It has been a challenge and a learning experience for both of us because we have very different styles. We spend a lot of our time helping people work more effectively together, so our process of learning how to work well and sustainably as a married couple helps us add greater value to our clients.”
Having given my standard answer, I remembered an article I read earlier that day about a couple that started a business together five years ago and sold it recently for $30 million. They are no longer married.
I was completely unsurprised when I read this. Building a successful marriage, on its own, offers plenty of challenges. Adding the complexity of a business relationship can sometimes feel overwhelming, if not impossible.
I turned back to her. “Don’t do it; it’s too difficult.”
The truth is, now that I know what it really takes to sustain a marriage while building a business with a spouse, I cannot encourage anyone else to do so without being fully aware of what they are getting into before they dive in headfirst.
There are many positives to working together. My husband and I both love what we do, and feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment when we make a measurable impact on our client’s business performance and in their professional and personal accomplishments. Because we set our own schedules, we have tremendous flexibility. The potential for generating a significant return on our investment is exciting.
At the same time, we don’t have the luxury of one reliable income to cover the ups and downs of starting and building a business from scratch. Separating business and personal is never easy, and the stress of balancing family and business commitments is often enormous.
In my imagination, our life would have been much easier and far less stressful if we had not started our business together. We each came to our business from different careers. I often think that it would have been wise, though considerably less exciting, to have continued our initial career paths until retirement.
My husband was a widely recognized architect specializing in large-scale corporate and commercial projects and urban revitalization. I am a Doctor of Chiropractic and had built a practice that I ran successfully for over ten years.
Maybe it’s only wishful thinking on my part, and our relationship would be no different if we had continued in our first professions. There certainly is not much to be gained by seeing the “grass as greener,” and I actually don’t spend a lot of time on that. I am clear that when we made the call to start our business, we were both ready for a change. It was time to reinvent our selves and our work. I have much to be grateful for, and I am.
