Someone you know just lost their job. Yikes.
You want to be supportive. You want to help them see the positive side of their misfortune. You want to buy them a drink. And you should! But please, tread carefully.
The time directly following a layoff is a delicate one. Your friend will want your help, but they may not be so receptive to your wise suggestions or burning questions. The fact of the matter is, being laid off sucks. Your comments come from a good place (of course!), but you might be surprised at how they are construed by someone whose wounds are still fresh from getting shown the door.
1. Are you freaked out?
Don’t put ideas into her head! She’s probably worried enough as it is. Very few people are truly thrilled to be laid off, and if they are they’ll probably go out of their way to tell you before you can even get a word in edgewise.
To be truly supportive, just be there for your friend to open up to you on her own terms and on her own schedule. Maybe a kind joke or an unrelated anecdote or a question about something innocuous would help lift their spirits.
2. Do you know what you did to deserve it?
Wow, talk about an insensitive comment. Think about it: what if he really did do something? Do you think he really wants to talk about it? It’s not like when someone breaks up with your friend you launch into a huge guilt trip about what he might have done or should have done to prevent it.
At the same time, many layoffs come out of the blue to people who were great employees and a valuable resource to the company, so there might not even be an answer in the first place. Unless you’re their direct supervisor, this just isn’t any of your business.
3. You’re not unemployed, you’re fun-employed!
So cute and yet so out of touch with reality. Sure, unemployment might be fun when you’re twenty-two and have no real responsibilities. It’s quite a different story when you’re fifty-four, have two kids in college, a mortgage, and a chronic health problem.
For so many people, being unemployed is not an opportunity to do some volunteer work or self-discovery—it’s a very real and very frightening financial, emotional, and professional setback. Cute, trendy sayings aren’t going to change that.
4. Have you started applying for new jobs yet?
You’ve got to give your friends time to breathe after a layoff. It’s a really big deal! She’s probably still reeling from the shock. Many people who have been recently let go from a job need days—even weeks—to really deal with what’s just happened to them. Especially if it was a job they really loved and identified with.
Give your friend time to breathe, process, and even grieve about what just happened to them before they’re ready to make a fresh start and jump back into the job search.
5. Have you thought about temping?
This insult is two-fold. If temp work is a little bit low on the career ladder for someone of their experience, they’ll be insulted by your suggestion. And if it isn’t, chances are they have thought about it already. They’ve probably tried. And there probably aren’t any temp jobs available. Your question is just a reminder of how dire the situation really is.
6. Was it just you? Or did others get laid off too?
This question implies that your friend’s layoff is palatable (or not) depending on who else got laid off at the same time. Does it really matter? What if it was just your friend? Do you really want to remind them that they were the only person at their company who was considered expendable on that particular day?
Sometimes, layoffs happen all at once. Other times, they happen on a rolling basis. Either way, the timing of your friend’s layoff probably has little to do with their own performance and a lot to do with the company’s budget and priorities.
