We’ve all been there—you’re sitting at your desk or lying in bed, actively imagining the infinite ways you could tell your lunatic boss, “I quit!” Throwing him your resignation, haphazardly stuffing a box full of your most precious desk knickknacks, and high-fiving coworkers as you bound out of the office, never to return again.
Dream all you want, but when reality strikes and future recommendations and contacts are on the line, you’ll probably just neatly pack your belongings and write one heck of a resignation letter that not only sings your boss’s praises but also thanks your coworkers for all the “good times.”
Or will you?
Here’s a list of the funniest ways people have quit their jobs. (Hint: they weren’t so worried about future character references …)
Quit … Virtually.
What’s better than doing the “Who’s comin’ with me?” Jerry McGuire resignation boogie out of the office? Not being in the office at all!
How you do it? Via the Internet, silly.
Quitting makes people nervous. It causes crazy eyes, sweaty body parts, and sometimes renders its subject unable to properly articulate thoughts, sentences, and yes, even words. That being said, this guy thought it was perfectly logical to record himself in said state—posting his craziness on the Internet for all to see.
Quit … With Nakedness.
What makes grown-ups rip off their clothing and get Spring Break rowdy?
Quitting of course!
And, while we admit we’re not sure the connection between nudity and job-loss works exactly, lots (and we mean lots) of men think it’s completely legitimate to do an “I quit” striptease before punching their timecards for the last time and being chased out of the building by security.
Just take a look at this naked-inspired quitting situation we drummed up — of course it’s safe for work. We don’t want to get you fired. Thanks to the powers of YouTube, your act of quitting a la nude can live in homes around the world … joy!
Quit … in Writing.
All who’ve read Hemingway know the guy isn’t known for cutsey, cuddly ways. A vicious drunk and a pretty rough and tumble fellow, it’s doubtful that anyone would think twice about letting him do whatever he wanted—even if that meant quitting a job or failing to finish out his book deal. Obviously, those people don’t know book publishers …
So when Hemmingway found himself unhappily locked into a three-book deal, he did what any cerebral mastermind would do—he found a loophole. That loophole? Write a first manuscript so heinously riddled with themes of corruption, sexuality, and race that the publisher not only felt uncomfortable editing it, he rejected it on the spot. The result? Hemingway was sent forth on his merry way, plus a novel (The Torrents of Spring) and minus a tiresome publishing contract.
Quit … Like Coco.
Think about it—Conan O’Brien really got a bum deal. Imagine this: You’re a famed stand-up comic and people come from miles around to hear your innermost thoughts, feelings, and punch lines. NBC not only recognizes your brilliance, but also gives you a sweet new show and an even sweeter paycheck. And just when you’re high on life and everything seems hunky-dory, bam, the Peacock decides your show isn’t the ratings juggernaut it was hoping for. You’re left feeling cold and alone with your only comfort the mild satisfaction that at least your shtick was better than mediocre.
We can only imagine this was how Conan felt after what we call “The Dreadful Conan vs The Network Debacle of 2010.”
In the end, however, the network bigwigs were the ones left feeling pained. Not only did Conan escape with $45 million in his pocket, he also managed to hang on to his dignity. How you might ask? By spending wads of NBC’s cash during his last shows. Putting mouse ears on a Bugatti Veyronn, also known as the most expensive car in the world? So necessary. Having the band play a Beatles song, costing the network a cool half-million? Why not?
