To be completely honest, it has taken me quite a while to come to terms with the fact that I am still unemployed. Sure, I write and keep house, but this is the first time in my life since I was a teenager that I have not had an actual job and it has been a very difficult adjustment.
From the moment I graduated high school I have been employed. In fact, it was necessary for me to have a job in order to pay for my books and partial tuition in college. When I was young, I would look ahead ten years and imagine where I would be … I never saw myself in the position that I’m in now. There will always be situations in life that sometimes force you to take a different path than the one you covet, and there are choices we must all make to get from one point to another.
At thirty-one years of age, I saw myself as a great writer who would be on endless book tours and working on her next novel. I never saw myself sitting at my dining table, wondering when I was going to find my next job. Needless to say, I underestimated the economy and overestimated myself.
The first month of being jobless was like a much-needed vacation I had never taken. Since I had been working for so long and rarely took a break, I thought some rest was exactly what I deserved while I searched for employment elsewhere. Hey, I was even finally going to have time to work on the next great novel that I just knew was inside me somewhere. I upgraded laptops, got rid of my painful high heels, and prepared to face an adventure I had never faced before: the prospect of once again having the fresh options of pursuing a great career. There was only one problem, I had no direction and I assumed that the next great career was simply going to fall into my lap.
Of course I wanted to focus on writing, but my dream of completing my novel to the best of my satisfaction and pride was a lot easier to dream about than actually accomplish. Another hurdle I had not expected was writer’s block. Maybe it was the pressure that began to build with the realization that 1) I was not the only one looking for employment and 2) talent only takes you so far that finally got to me. Whatever the case may be, I soon found myself in the most depressing of ruts, I still had no job and I was beginning to feel as if perhaps I also had no talent.
Another aspect that began driving me mad was the memory of my last job that proved to be nothing short of a fiasco. I worked for a media station that headed two television stations and a radio station. Sound glamorous? Well, at first it was. Who would not be starstruck by endless backstage passes, celebrities, and seemingly unlimited access just by flashing a media badge? I certainly was. Unfortunately, the glitter and glamour soon began to dull and tarnish the longer I worked there. Although I worked at the station for over five years, it soon became apparent just how shady some of their practices were. Some of the employees stopped at nothing and stepped on everyone just to get a 3 percent raise that would have been more deserved by someone who actually worked.
Managers came and went and with each change came more disillusionment. I had to get out before I became one of the mindless zombies clawing their way to the top. The day I stepped out of that windowless office and felt the fresh air on my face as I drove home I felt renewed. This was the dramatic change in my life that I so desperately needed. People congratulated me and wished me luck. Others envied the courage it took to take such a dramatic leap. Anything was possible.
