Each day, my email is filled with educational opportunities that promise to put me on the path to financial success and personal satisfaction. I have to admit that some of these emails grab my attention. Do you know that in a few short months, I can be an X-ray technician, bartender, Pilates instructor, or a social worker? I don’t know how these “schools” who send these emails know that it will only take me “a few short months” to complete their rigorous academic requirements, but I suspect that if I am willing to pay their tuition, I might even be able to get a medical degree.
Anyway, as I stared at the possible list of careers I could pursue, I started to ponder my dream jobs. So, below is a list of careers that I have often thought would be fun to take on. There is no need to panic upon reading the list. I assure you that your world is safe in that I will never truly enter into these fields—well, most of them … I don’t know though. Some sound as if they are begging me to come on board.
Truck driver. I have always longed for the freedom of the open road. I could see me sitting behind the wheel of one of those eighteen-wheeler things and having a grand old time on the CB. Do truckers still use CBs or are they cell phone people now? I hope there are CBs, I would love to have a cool or scary identity—I guess the correct term is “handle”—such as Mama Frizz or PMS Queen or Mankiller. Yeah, I think I could get some respect with those names. I could be the mysterious lady trucker on the road, maneuvering my way through the country singing trucker songs like “King of the Road” with nothing to get in my way besides idiot drivers on the New Jersey Turnpike and a few state troopers who do not appreciate my affinity for tailgating and blowing my big trucker horn at old people who refuse to go more than 45 MPH in the center lane! I’m sorry. I seem to have gotten lost in that moment. I’m back now. The only trucking gig I wouldn’t do is that ice-road driving. I saw that show on cable and there is not enough money in the world that can get me to drive across frozen lakes and rivers to deliver auto parts to some car dealer in East Snowshoe, Alaska. I don’t even ice skate well. How the hell would I manage to balance a huge truck on frozen turf that might become unfrozen the second I drive my rig onto it? That, to me, is not fun.
Trapeze artist. I don’t know why this would be so much fun for me except the fact that I could—and feel free to sing along—fly through the air with the greatest of ease and I would be the amazing woman on that flying trapeze. I have to admit that I interview traveling circus people for a trade magazine I write for and they are so interesting. Trapeze people have such a spirit for life. Plus, I would think that if you go around telling men you are a trapeze artist, you never lack a date. I don’t know why this is true, but men just seem to love trapeze artists. Me, I go ga-ga over someone who can offer a steady income and a walk-in closet, but hey, everyone is different.
