I was born a white trash girl to a single teenage mom. We lived with her parents in Cabbagetown, a poor section of Atlanta with small mill houses that surrounded the Fulton Bag Cotton Mill. Both of my grandparents worked there for 75¢ per hour and I remember the mill controller coming by our house every Friday to collect the $4.32 per week rent, which we most often did not have. We lived primarily on dried beans, cabbage, potatoes, and corn bread with a roasted chicken as our big splurge on Sundays after church. When my Mother started working as well, that afforded us an occasional ice cream or a few clothes from the thrift store. We were indeed dirt poor.
My first thrill was when my Mom’s oldest sister, Mary Elizabeth, bought the family our first television set. I sat glued to the few shows that aired, mesmerized by the images of faraway places. The highlight of my year was the arrival of the Sears Roebuck Christmas catalog. I would spend hours every day going page-by-page circling all the things I wanted to buy when I grew up, moved away from Cabbagetown, and had my own money.
There was never enough money and any inquires about buying me something I wanted were met with “you know we can’t afford that,” “money doesn’t grow on trees,” or “quit obsessing about things and money; it is the root of all evil.” Still, I was green with envy of my friends who had pretty dresses, took dance classes, and whose parents had shiny cars and June Cleaver houses. I on the other hand rarely invited friends to visit my house and was ashamed of my cheap clothes and worn shoes.
I became obsessed with money and thought that if I just had some, it would be my ticket out of there. I studied hard and made straight As in elementary and high school. I ran away from home and spent the next eight years putting myself through college while working full-time as a secretary and supporting myself. I majored in accounting because I wanted to be good with money and because it was, after much research, what I determined would make me the most money with the least amount of education. I landed a job with Ernst and Young out of college for what seemed to me at the time a fortune: $15,500. I was told “you have to work hard to make money,” and no number of hours or amount of travel was ever too much.
I was recruited from one company to the next, each bringing more rewards, bonuses, money, and prestige. I had finally made it out of Cabbagetown and I wasn’t looking back. My list of possessions was growing and upgrading. I thought that if I had the mega-mansion, the Mercedes, the perfect outfit and jewelry for any occasion, belonged to the right clubs, took the right extravagant vacations, and threw the most expensive, elaborate dinner parties, then nobody would know I was a white trash girl. I became obsessed with “things” and there were never enough to fill the hole inside me and the feelings of being worthless and not good enough. I mean, even my dad abandoned me so there must be something deeply wrong with me.
My friends thought I had it all. I was the true self-made woman having made millions. However, deep inside still lived that white trash girl and no matter how much money I made, I spent it all trying to shut her up and make her go away. Every purchase and acquisition contributed to the façade and there was never enough to make those voices in my head and those thoughts and beliefs about myself go away. With every year that passed, I needed to make more money so that I could prove to everybody that I had indeed made it. I was a prostitute for money, but instead of the traditional sense, I was selling my soul to scale the corporate ladder.
At my last corporate job, I was the CEO of a publicly traded company, tap dancing in New York to raise money so that I could get the big-ass bonus at the end of the year and be lauded as the savior of this struggling company I was leading. Then my body starting rebelling against me. I could no longer take the strain of the hours and stress it took not just to keep up with, but to far surpass, “The Joneses.” I started having anxiety attacks, insomnia, frighteningly high blood pressure, and depression. I could barely get out of bed to do my job, but if I didn’t, the whole house of cards would collapse and I would be seen as a failure, a phony, and a white trash girl. I soldiered on but secretly wished that someone would see how much pain I was in and come to my rescue. I worried that I would have a nervous breakdown or a heart attack.
Luckily, one day I woke up and decided to get some help. I started working with a therapist who helped me see that the treadmill I was running on away from my past was killing me. She showed me how my thoughts and beliefs about money (or lack of) were like computer programs in my brain installed in childhood and were leading to the emotions and behaviors that had me trapped in a prison of my own making. Something about that resonated with me and I knew it to be true.
I spent the next two years studying everything I could find about the emotional aspects of money and how our early childhood influences become the “voices in our head” that unconsciously drive our every action around money. First, I learned how to own my current money situation because until you own “your mischief” around money and bring it to consciousness, you can never change it. I learned techniques to clear the old limiting beliefs and to instill new and more productive ones. I learned to forgive myself for past money mistakes. I learned the habits and mindset that all wealthy people have in common. I now create money by embracing all of who I am, instead of running from who I am.
With this awareness and knowledge, I knew that my life purpose was to share this information with people who have an imbalance in their relationship with money. I became a life and money coach and now teach a money boot camp and coach clients individually to radically change how they relate to and create money. My life is so rewarding—to see the “ah ha” moments, when people finally get how those unconscious programs from their childhood are running the show and they shift to more productive empowering thoughts, beliefs, and actions based on the money boot camp principles.
There is so much shame and secrecy about money in our society. I want to change that so that no one has to suffer because of his or her financial situation. I have big plans for the rest of my life. My first mission is to take this to the teen community to empower them before they have the chance to make the same mistakes I made. I want to give them a dream and vision for a prosperous financial future. From there, I want to work with homeless families, battered women, and other such groups who, armed with this life-changing information, might turn their lives around and give themselves and their families a hope for a new tomorrow. Perhaps, I’ll even be part of a new revolution that shows the world that no matter where you come from, you can always be more and have more.
I was born a white trash girl. Today, I realize without being that girl, with every experience I encountered, both the good and the bad, I would never have found my life purpose and be blessed to share in the miracles of the lives I see changing everyday.