How to be the coolest girl in San Francisco, a city full of contradictions:
Be easy to spot but hard to get to. Hire the most muscular gym rat at Crunch to be your bodyguard for a night. Outfit him in a suit, sunglasses, and complicated-looking headset and let him carry your organic bronzing compact wherever you go.
Never reveal too much skin, but never ever underestimate the power of an Alla Prima push-up bra when weaseling your way to the head of a long line—unless that line is snaked outside the door at The Tipsy Pig where every thirsty patron is created equal.
Remember that not being on the guest list can be a blessing. You get to tell the bouncer he’ll have to take this matter up with your agent and learn to make your lip quiver on command. High sheen lip gloss or collagen injections will add a hint of drama to this performance.
Throw prior engagements and work responsibilities to the wind to attend every single opening party or holiday soiree hosted by Vintage 415. Wear stiletto heels so ridiculously tall you can barely walk, then pick a spot near the bar with the most flattering light and stand in one place all night. Let the cool people come to you.
When being “interesting” becomes too much work, master one all-purpose magic trick to amuse the masses, like making your Mamacita margarita disappear in one gulp with your eyes closed (it’s that good) or predicting where Stephan Jenkins will be hanging out for the night (you can cheat and follow his Twitter) .
Be elusive, but go out of your way to be seen. Dress to be photographed by Drew Altizer at the Opera and Symphony and arrive with a delicious piece of candy on your arm: either the most expensive clutch of the moment or an up-and-coming politician or pro athlete. Determine your best angle and master one signature pose that you’ll use in photos, bearing in mind that Jennifer Siebel already has dibs on the coyly-looking-over-one-shoulder stance.
Wear Golden Gate bridge-red lips when shopping at Marina Safeway and anywhere else you’re likely to get hit on. They’ll give you the confidence to keep away the wrong kind of men.
Spend half the year living elsewhere. Try India or Montana (both perceived as being equally glamorous among socialites). Alternatively, you can change the name on your birth documents to reflect a one-word moniker inspired by said cities.
