Since the federal government implemented the national “Do Not Call List” a few years ago, I have happily seen a decrease in the number of solicitation calls that I receive. The program actually works. In light of this success, I think we should implement some other “Do Not” lists:
Do Not Disturb Before 9:30 a.m. on Saturdays
Under no circumstances, unless it entails a full-course breakfast being brought into the bedroom, should anyone on this list be disturbed prior to 9:30 a.m. on a Saturday. Most type-A personalities will be appalled that such a list could exist; but, I, for one, can’t wait to sign up.
Do Not Continue Reminding Me of My Unhealthy Eating Habits
Okay, I get the message. I am tired of most magazines, talk shows, and health news segments reminding me that many of my food choices are unhealthy. I totally recognize that there is much need for improvement but enough is enough already. All the guilt inspires me to do nothing but add another box of ice cream to my grocery cart. How ironic is it that I’m usually consuming some sort of contraband food while I’m reading said magazine articles or watching said television programs? Someone please pass the M&M’s!
Do Not Make Me Pay an ATM Charge
Even after all these years of ATM fees, I still struggle with understanding why I get charged for withdrawing my own money. I think we should support all those banks and credit unions that still have free ATM transactions—they are my financial heroes.
Do Not Make Me Exercise with the Fitness Gurus
I really believe gyms should divide their workout rooms into sections based on experience and fitness ability. It really isn’t very encouraging to get on a treadmill, set the level to the slowest possible and still end up gasping for every breath five minutes into my workout while the mega-in-shape people are to my right and left hammering out six minute miles without breaking a sweat. I think gyms should have a beginner room, an intermediate area, and an advanced workout room. They could host little graduation ceremonies as people progressed in their fitness level. Could we have M&M’s at my ceremony?
