I. The Free Market is the Lord thy God, and thou shalt have no other gods before it, except when doling out no-bid contracts, tax breaks, and subsidies to thy rich cronies.
II. Thou shalt make unto thee no graven images, other than flag lapel pins and portraits of Ronald Reagan.
III. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain, especially when it can be so useful in fundraising and to rally thy base.
IV. Remember the Corporation and keep it holy.
V. Honor thy lobbyist and thy campaign donor.
VI. Thou shalt not kill; rather, use thy parents’ wealth and influence to score multiple draft deferments, then get other people’s kids to do the killing for thee.
VII. Thou shalt not get caught committing adultery. If thou failest in this, blame “youthful indiscretion” or “a wide stance.”
VIII. Thou shalt not admit to stealing.
IX. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor, unless he hath oil under his land.
X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s oil, especially when thou canst so easily just steal it under false pretenses (see VI, VIII and IX above).
(As deciphered by Megan F. Coffey, from a fragment of the Rovetta Stone.)
