Who’s That Man?
Forget Storm Fields or Dallas Raines—thanks to the graphics department at this station, the local weatherman is going to be known by a different name from now on.
So Much for Privacy
You can always count on the news to tell you the important details while withholding sensitive or compromising information. Oh, sorry … I meant you can always count on them to not keep their damn mouths shut. In related news, Kevin Spacey is Keyser Soze, and Snape killed Dumbledore.
Ham on the Run
Keep your eyes peeled for Rodney Stanger, who is wanted in connection with the disappearance of a teenager. Suspect is considered armed and adorable.
Someone’s Got the Giggles
Not all news stories are laden with gravitas. Sometimes they’re really stupid. Luckily we can always count on anchors to be mature, nonjudgmental, and grown-up about it.
Best Birthday Ever
Ron Burgundy was right—anchors really will say just about anything, as long as it’s written on the teleprompter. When you throw a prank-prone or vindictive copywriter into the mix, anything is possible.
Watching the news isn’t just good for staying abreast of politics and the goings-on in your community. It’s also a wonderful reassurance that people everywhere, even the ones on TV, can be really sort of dumb.
