I got an opportunity to do something amazing. A genie asked me to participate in a super-power study. My genie needed to know what super-powers were most requested, what the pros and cons were of each super-power, and the price you would be willing to pay have the super-power. Now, don't go and ask me where my genie came from. You will just have to open your own special bottle of Coca-Cola.
He started by asking me what super-power I would choose to have. This, of course, helped satisfy the first portion of his study. After serious consideration, I decided on invisibility. The genie then gave me a free one-day pass with the super-power of my choice. I had decided I would be willing to pay a lot for this new super-power, but due to my free day of testing, I will no longer be able to afford the pricing structure I had set up with my genie. Instead of breaking down the play-by-play (because some of you may be really embarrassed), I’ll just give you the pros and cons list I submitted to my genie.
1. Creating floating objects:
PRO: I could make things “float” around the room and scare the crap out of my friends. Some of them seriously freaked out.
CON: Some friends freaked out by leaving the room screaming. Some freaked out by swinging at the floating objects (and me) with a baseball bat.
2. Creating voices from mid-air
PRO: I could easily frighten people by saying things to them when they thought no one was in the room. Or, if they talked to themselves, I could answer them.
CON: Some of my friends are obviously schizophrenic and didn’t even flinch at the voice.
3. Scaring animals and pets
PRO: By touching a bird on the head, or making noises at a dog, or even “psst”ing at a cat you can really entertain yourself. I love picking on the animals.
CON: Not a good game to play with skunks.
4. Checking up on the ethics of your company’s CEO
PRO: You can check to see if he is stealing from your company, doing the dirty on his desk with his secretary. You could use this information later for blackmail. By using voice from mid-air, blackmail becomes REAL easy.
CON: He could smell the skunk, so he was not really into doing anything with his secretary (She blamed the smell on him). And blackmail is not cool when he uses your pension plan to pay you off.
5. Checking out your husband’s activities while you are away
PRO: Finding out he has nothing better to do than work in his woodshop and watch hunting shows
CON: Finding out he sweet-talks the cat when you are gone…yuck!
6. Sneaking into dressing rooms, bathrooms and locker rooms
PRO: You get to see what people really look like naked
CON: You get to see what people really look like naked
7. Going into other restricted areas
PRO: You get to see the inner workings of such things as the Wal-Mart cash office, your doctor’s filing room, and a bank vault
CON: You learn what “Shock Hazard” really means.
8. Shoplifting
PRO: Shoplifting is VERY, VERY easy.
CON: Crossing traffic after shoplifting is not. Especially after realizing that it would be very difficult for EMT’s to perform resuscitation on an invisible girl.
9. Driving “driver-less”
PRO: Fun to freak people out while going 60mph on 45mph road.
CON: Cop impounding “driver-less” car while you are attempting to order “driver-less” fries from Sonic.
10. Learning things about other people
PRO: By going through files at the police stations, doctor’s office or your company’s HR office, you can learn a lot of really horrible things about people.
CON: HR clerk seeing filing cabinet open and slamming on your arms. She continues to push drawer shut because she cannot see that your wrist is caught in the drawer, effectively breaking your wrist. Then knowing that it would be very difficult for your doctor (who has 19 malpractice suits against him plus one charge of bestiality) cannot set an invisible arm.
