At least once a week I see a new product and I wonder what the #&%$ were they thinking?! Today any idiot can start a Web site and sell whatever he pleases. America, the land of the opportunity, has every Tom, Dick, and Mary thinking of the next frivolous product to make a bazillion dollars off of us. These products, in my humble opinion, cross the line.
The Turd Twister
Turd twister, shit shaper, crap carver—call it what you like, this thing takes your poop and turns it into “art.” You attach it to your anus hole, take a dump, and are left with a shamrock turd, a lightening bolt turd, or even spaghetti turds. The Web site suggests gifting it for the following occasions: marriage/divorce, dating/breaking up, golf tourneys, gift for the boss (you get the picture). Let’s hold hands, snicker, gag, and secretly buy them for our friends.
Photo source: Turd Twister
The Beerbelly
The Beerbelly is just that, a belly full of beer. This belly allows you to smuggle in and chug alcohol at concerts, in the mall, or even at your kid’s tuba recital. With the Beerbelly, you can hold over a six pack in a pouch on your gut. One user said, “I sat next to a guy drinking an $8.50 Bud. I just unzipped my fly, stuck a cup between my legs, and poured myself a cold one.” It also comes in beer boobs—the Winerack. I guess this is useful—I’d wouldn’t mind enormous titties full of free beer—but it still makes me wonder what in the world they were thinking.
Photo source: The Beerbelly
Subtle Butt
For those of you who are sick of gripping butt-cheeks together in your cubicle, the elevator, and at taco stands (I for one, always just wanna let loose and let ’er rip), you are now free. All you do is stick a piece of cloth in your undies and let your bean burrito be released. I recommend sticking your gassy ass in your friends’ faces to test out the product before using in public. Again, something I might find useful, but what in the world was this inventor smoking (or eating)?
Photo source: Garment Guard
The Voodoo Doll Toothpick Holder
The voodoo doll toothpick holder is a great example of some of the random crap available online. My boss is always sucking on toothpicks—I see a Christmas present in her future. Maybe I can do some voodoo to get a promotion, or to stop her from leaving her drool-covered sticks on my desk …
Photo source: Perpetual Kid
