1. Where are you from?
I come from a land down under,
Where beer does flow and men chunder.
Can’t you hear, can’t you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover.
I mean it, please take cover ... these chundering men are about to explode!
2. What is your occupation?
Mayor Elect of Showbiz and Auto Detailer (if you want your car to look like it’s from the Dukes of Hazzard, I can do that) ...
3. What is the best thing about working in New York?
Stealing all my ideas from the homeless.
4. If you could, what would you change about the city?
I’d add more Drug Stores and Starbucks, because right now, I have to walk a block to get to either place and that’s not cool.
5. What was the strangest thing that happened to you while commuting or traveling?
I was once punched in the face by a man who was over gesticulating about the fare for the subway. He was swinging his arms wildly while speaking and he totally cold cocked me in the noggin. I screamed in pain when his fist hit me in the nose ... then he looked at me like, “Dude, chill out, I didn’t mean to punch you in the face.” Oddly, I felt like the jerk in that situation. I think I might have even apologized.
6. Have you ever had a train, plane, bus—love or crush episode?
Yes, I remember I was on the subway and I saw that face. That beautiful, smiling face. I’ll never forget the day I saw him. His name was Zizmor, Dr. Zizmor. He promised to eradicate all my problems (although he mostly specialized in taking care of skin blemishes and acne).
7. If you could commit a crime and not get caught, what would it be?
I’d steal the T-Rex from the Museum of Natural History ... talk about a conversation piece.
8. Is your mom a good cook or fabfriggintastic?
Let’s not bring my mom into this, okay?
