Scene One
Bryan: Yeah, I bet you need that coffee. This is like, what, the eleventh straight day you’ve been working?
Rick: Tenth. And I just took a break. Fifteen minutes ago.
Bryan: Yeah? How long did that last?
Rick: Four minutes, thirty-two seconds. Five seconds less and I would have beat my record.
Bryan: What, are you trying not to have sex for a month or something? Is this some church-sponsored deal? (Pauses.) Come on, man, you need a coffee break.
(Rick holds up his coffee mug, keeping his gaze on the computer.)
Bryan: Take it from me, coffee tastes a heck of a lot better outside the cubicle.
Rick: Can’t you just wait until lunchtime? Or will you be too busy flirting with that woman you like? The one with the very large … cubicle?
Bryan: No, and that’s exactly why I need you to take a break! I need to talk to someone!
Rick: I don’t borrow my wife out for money, if that’s what you want.
Bryan: Oh, give me a break. I wasn’t going to borrow Kelly. Chill. What happens in church stays in church, right?
Rick: Alright, fine. I’ll take a break. But not for very long. Unlike you, I actually have work to do. Not women.
(The two leave the cubicle and sit down on some leather chairs. Rick takes a sip of coffee.)
Rick: I think you’re right. This coffee really does taste better.
Bryan: Amazing how that works, isn’t it?.
Rick: So what did you want to talk about? I’m guessing it has something to do with a female and a bed?
Bryan: No. Well, sort of. I need a girlfriend.
Rick: Wait, wait, wait … you mean you need an actual girlfriend, or just a sex partner?
Bryan: Is that a trick question? Both, I guess! A man needs love and a man needs sex! Passion, if you prefer.
Rick: Uh-huh. And what do I have to do with any of this? The only two women I talk to are Kelly, and Kelly’s eighty-year-old mother, both of which I’m assuming you wouldn’t be interested in.
Bryan: No. Thanks, but no. I’m not sure exactly what you can do. Look around a little. Keep your eye out. And if you see a woman and feel a little buzz, be sure to tell her about me.
Rick: Tell her about you? Oh yeah, that’d work really great. I can see it now. “Hey there! My name is Rick. I am supposed to tell you about my friend. His name is Bryan. You would know his face anywhere. Big eyes, tongue hanging out, and oh, yeah, he’ll probably be drooling.”
Bryan: No, not like that. I mean, be subtle. What would you do if you were me? Lonely, depressed, in the dark … (Rick doesn’t seem to be sympathizing, so Bryan keeps thinking of words.) Um, let’s see … run down, tired … dreary, can’t forget dreary. What else can I use?
Rick: (Sighs.) Fine. I’ll do it. I’ll just … take a quick peek around me whenever I can. But that’s it! No more than that. And if I find someone, I’ll try to introduce the two of you.
Bryan: Thanks, Rick! You’re the man. I knew you would. You always help people out. You can’t help it. It’s that whole “church” deal, you know?
Rick: Whatever. But just this once. And you can’t tell my wife. If she ever found out I was looking for another woman, whether she was for you or me, she’d kill me.
Bryan: My lips are sealed.
Rick: Good.
(Scott enters the scene. Supposedly, he just came from his own office.)
Scott: Would the two of you tone it down a little? It’s really difficult to focus on the image of a woman when there’s all this noise distracting you. (Rick and Bryan give him blank stares.) I’m just kidding. I heard you guys talking and I thought I might join you. Unless this is some kind of sex deal?
