Here are some more of Annie’s jokes:
Husband Banned from Target
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women—she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from our local Target.
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at five-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, “Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.” This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the service desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a “CAUTION—WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he would invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?” EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!!”
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed “OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!”
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.” One of the clerks passed out.
Another joke:
While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the sand and picked it up.
Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, “Master, may I grant you one wish?”
Osama responded, “You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don’t you know who I am? I don’t need any common woman giving me anything.”
The shocked genie said, “Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever.”
Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said, “Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you.”
The annoyed genie said, “So be it!” and disappeared.
The next morning, Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Nancy Pelosi at his side.
His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.
