Every morning, I take my dog Sophie to a soccer field so she can chase lacrosse balls. This ritual makes me happy, but only if I don’t have to talk to anyone else there.
No such luck today.
Up walked a neighbor with her dog. Immediately, he trespassed on Sophie’s personal space, barking maniacally. His proud mother boasted, “My dog is a Corgi and he loves to herd!”
“That’s great,” I replied, “but my Lab loves chasing balls without a dog nipping at her heels, so perhaps your Corgi could herd elsewhere.”
I rarely feel guilty about being harsh, but this was one of those times. So I feigned friendliness and asked the woman what her dog’s name was. She told me it was Samuel.
“Hmm. Samuel. That’s an interesting name for a dog,” I said, thinking, Who on earth names their dog Samuel?
“It’s not Samuel, she replied, “it’s Psalmuel, like a psalm you’d sing in church.” Oh dear god. Show me the green pastures so I can lay down and die.
Other concepts from Psalm 23 filled my mind, but not in a good way. If I’m not supposed to want, why did I want to strangle this woman? If my shepherd prepared a table for me and my enemies, could she honestly expect me to munch on manna with Corgi and Pest? And why did a stroll through the valley of death suddenly seem so appealing? Clearly, I thought, goodness and mercy weren’t going to follow me anywhere.
Oblivious to my moral dilemmas, Psalmuel’s mother started chatting again. “Did you say your dog was a Labrador retriever? Because I really don’t think so. I think you have a Chesapeake Bay retriever.”
At times like these I fear no evil except mine own.
“Well, according to her papers and her veterinarian, she’s a Lab. But you’re probably right. I’m going to double check her lineage as soon as I get home.” Right after I pluck every hair from my body and fry them up for dinner.
Perhaps Psalmuel was the channel—I’ll never know—but suddenly, a sense of stillness pervaded my being. Many people get this feeling from praying. I get it from being alone.
Calmly, without benefit of rod or staff, I turned away from the onerous dog owner and guided myself in a straight path home. When I arrived, my cup ranneth over with joy.
