Holidays are around the corner and as usual, I never know what to get all the men in my life. Seriously, all the men in my life have all sorts of gadgets and gizmo’s. How are we supposed to know what to give them? Chances are they already have it.
I am probably not the only woman who is frustrated. Men do not have any idea at all about giving real “hints” either. My husband typically resorts to emailing me a list. What kind of surprise will that be? The surprise is part of the “package magic” which fuels me.
A present is a fabulous gift they can’t even guess closely to what is inside. I am surprise junky. If they already know what is in the package why bother wrapping it? See, this really tortures me. It is all about the surprise, that look of wonder and shock that somehow I read their mind and incredibly a miracle is found in that box. I must be related to Santa. How else could I explain being so driven to surprise and amaze?
So, Saturday morning I was reading the sale adds for several stores and asked my husband which he preferred “Lowes” or “Home Depot” and he just laughed. In his mind they are the same. I insisted they are not the same. He turned and said, “Okay … show me.”
Well … “Show me” is a game he and I play which we find very funny and explains a lot about our goofy humor we share. It requires finding the most benign detail of something and then make it sound exquisite and very sexy or something quite the opposite. So I began to read the sale adds from Home Depot like I was one of those “talk to me sexy” phone TV adds, with a campy deep breathing female voice.
“Oooh baby, I just caught you with my ‘TruCal Black Stud Sensor Electronic Stud Finder’ and I can’t wait to watch you whip out that ‘Husky Hammer.’ That ‘Malibu 20 watt Metal Spotlight’ cannot compare to the ‘Charm Glow’ long handle grill brush as it sends tingles up my spine. This girl needs more than just a simple tool kit, baby! You’ll need every single part of the 103-piece ratcheting screwdriver set to please this lady.”
He is trying so hard not to laugh! I continue …”I promise to throw a ‘Perfect Curve’ at you with the over-the-door hat rack for you my sexy man. You’ll be smokin’ hot my ‘Grill Master’ so you better quickly check my test button on my nine-volt smoke detector because you know ‘Safety First’ is my motto.”
I pause for effect and with an evil twisted smile, I go on ... “Should I whisper, ‘Makita, Ryobi and Grip Right’ into your ear?” I am not sure how much longer I can keep this up. Part of the game requires remaining serious. If he laughs first, I win ... and I like winning.
“You are smiling but I know what is on your mind. It has to be that ‘Porter-Cable’ three-nailer compressor combo kit because you know it has been on my mind. Yes my darling, it is definitely on my mind.” He is managing not to laugh but he is beginning to get teary-eyed under the pressure. I sense I am going to win this round so I just get even more goofy.
“I can’t wait to open my present from you! How many women can say they have a ‘7 inch Husky Diamond circular blade?’ I am the luckiest girl on earth! My ‘Rigid’ tool man has it all!” Okay, now I fear that I am going to burst out laughing. He is putting up a brave front.
“Oh honey-pie, my snooky-ookums! I can hardly ‘Behr’ the wait any longer. My yummy tool man, I know you can see I am all ‘Gidden’ with tingling ‘paint the sky’ excitement!” He completely loses it, laughing loudly and hysterically. Our kids run in wanting to know what terrifically fun thing they just missed.
