I do not recommend owning a car in Manhattan.
Yes, I know. What was I thinking?
Well, I was moving around a lot over the last several months and dragging bags everywhere I went. It was only intended to be a temporary measure and I thought, how bad could it be?
Turns out, it could be very bad.
So bad, in fact, that I’m convinced that what looks like traffic congestion is really a Big Apple parking problem. I have no evidence to support this assertion except my own observations.
If you’ve ever tried to park your car in Manhattan you know that you have to drive around and around and around in search of a space that (hopefully) is legal—street-sign reading is an art form only perfected after several parking tickets.
For the uninitiated, this will not take fifteen or even thirty minutes. That would be called luck.
I’m worried about writing the next part because it’s highly likely I’ll end up with a facial tick or hives just thinking about alternate side of the street parking. But, well, onward.
Street cleaning happens up to four times a week, depending on the street. If you haven’t witnessed the car circus that occurs on most blocks it’s really worth a view. Be sure someone brings popcorn. Drivers either sit in their cars, moving them to the other side of the street only when (if) the street sweeper arrives, or the entire block double parks on the other side of the street or (for those with no idea what they’ve gotten themselves into) they drive around looking for another space (that doesn’t exist).
You learn quickly that the only chance you have of getting a space on weekdays is during the first forty-five minutes (of the observed ninety minutes) of street cleaning. Yes, this means you sit in your car for the remaining forty-five minutes so you don’t get a ticket. Hopefully you have a lot of calls to make. Any attempt to search for a parking space at any other weekday time will be more maddening than rooting for the Mets.
Friends without cars have asked me why I didn’t just park in a garage. Um, because they charge twenty-three dollars for thirty minutes. And there is nothing I can do on a city street in thirty minutes that’s worth twenty-three dollars. Seriously, what can you do in that amount of time? Get a bagel? A newspaper?
Personally, I’d be in favor of street cleaning twice a year: Memorial Day and Labor Day weekends. Do the West Side on Saturday and the East Side on Sunday and be done with it. I don’t really care if the pavement under the cars is clean. I’m not eating, sleeping, or even walking there. A friend suggested my plan might mean the return of the plague, but I’m willing to take my chances.
Frankly, for the amount of money the city collects in tolls, driving in New York City should be a breeze. We can’t even compete with Pakistan (no offense). Trust me, I’ve been there.
I remember the first time I was crossing the Verrazano Narrows Bridge from Queens. Even though I had an EZ pass, I pulled up to the toll booth (not entirely sure I still had four wheels after the ride on the Brooklyn/Queens Expressway) because I thought the posted toll, eleven dollars, was a typo. It wasn’t.
In case you’re not familiar with the BQE, perhaps you’ve traversed the Grand Central Parkway on your way to or from LaGuardia airport? Same deal. If I had a filling I’m quite sure I would’ve lost it.
I’m also quite sure the mayor and the sanitation department and the transportation people all have great excuses for why we pay so much for our roads yet suffer on them so greatly. Clearly something needs to be done.
