Many girls growing up today in America ask themselves the very same question: If I were a Disney princess, which princess would I be?
They can’t help it. They’re fed the homogenized, animated musical videos for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (and spin-off products), until they become teens and trade in the tiaras for iPods and fantasize about which American idols they dream of being.
I got to thinking about which princess I would want my daughters to emulate in terms of their eco-friendly qualities (dismissing, of course, the cheaply-made polyester royal wear). Here are the results of my findings:
Snow White
Snow, known for her fair complexion from staying out of the sun, is a fine role model because she snubs her cute little nose at poisonous apples (perhaps grown with harmful chemicals?) and has a soft spot for pastoral, woodland settings where creatures flock to her bulbous shoulder pads as she croons in a blissful, soprano voice. She also surrounds herself with productive and cooperative rural workers, including short people, who live by the motto, whistle while you work.
Jasmine
This Far Eastern beauty hailing from Arabia takes in the homeless and befriends them (i.e. Aladdin), rides a magic carpet to save on gas and pretty much restricts her fashion consumption to just one dazzling, spare, aqua pantsuit and cape, for all occasions. Bet you anything it was woven of organic cloth. She makes her own rules, forgoing the restrictions of her royal lineage to embrace the young, only son of a windowed mother who was forced to rely on fair trade produce to survive during a serious recession.
Belle
A bright and beautiful young woman of substance, she strolls through her provincial village in hot pursuit of the simple pleasures of life: a new book from the mom-and-pop vendor and hot, fresh rolls (with zero trans fats). This is a princess who has the depth to penetrate the gruff exterior and beastly behavior of men who live in McCastles. Belle finds the beauty within. She drinks tea instead of coffee, tends to the elderly (will even marry a hideous beast to save her father), and gives the boot to Gaston, the superficial, steroid-enhanced Don Juan who courts her. Here’s another maiden with an austere wardrobe of two simple outfits, a practical country ensemble for daytime and a fancy tiered yellow PET gown for partying with her friends like a beloved, chipped teacup.
Cinderella
Snow may the fairest, but Cin could easily be the greenest. Talk about upcycling a wardrobe! Talk about alternative modes of transportation. A pumpkin becomes a carriage, then turns back in twenty-four hours to a healthy food source. Mice become footmen. No cruel animal testing necessary. Sure, she goes from rags to riches by capitalizing on her pretty blond features, but once inside the castle, she creates employment opportunities for even her former enemies, those nasty stepsisters who forced her to breathe in all those carcinogens while sweeping the fireplace and musty, old house.
Sleeping Beauty
A dreamy weaver of the Etsy variety, this princess learns that a date with good kisser can get those life juices flowing, and release the endorphins that help you to lead a healthy, long life. Sure, there’s always resentful fairies who retaliate when not invited to high status parties, but Aurora doesn’t fall victim to that spell for long. The sleep that befell her people for 100 years might have been caused by a lack of awareness about the planet and how to protect it. But they all eventually woke up to the dangers in their midst and lived happily ever after. I pray that we enjoy the same fate.
Mulan
Let’s get down to business, to defeat the Huns! Why’d you send me daughters, when I asked for sons? I was forced to hear Captain Shang belt out that tune repeatedly as my daughter remained fixated on the brave, young girl who defied her prescribed role in a hugely sexist society to fight along with her brethren. Her best friend is a cute little dragon, sent to protect her. And I’m certain if Locks for Love existed in China in her day, she would have donated that black ponytail in a heartbeat. Mulan was the real deal, not the toxic plastic, foot bound, manufactured Chinese ideal, but a sister soldier fighting for change. Boys are worth more than girls? Hogwash. In her bold, feminist stance, Mulan proved every zodiac year is the year of the tiger daughter.
