My father was a stickler for good manners. Always. My brother and I were raised to treat people with respect until they proved they didn’t deserve it, and even then to avoid them rather than bring up their shortcomings. Through the years, I have observed the steady decline of manners, even to the point that people are shocked or amazed when they hear a term as common as “sir” or “ma’am” used when being introduced to someone for the first time. As the King of Siam observed, “‘Tis a puzzlement.”
Manners are simply a way of showing other people respect and making sure they are comfortable. When used properly, they can open doors, defuse intense situations, and even avoid confrontations. But the art of manners being used properly is all but lost to most people, so I thought I would remind the readers of a few good rules to help them along.
A) It is always good manners to call a person by their last name, preceded by Mr., Mrs., or Ms., until the person has offered their first name to you. “Please call me ___,” is an invitation.
B) Never assume that because you have been introduced by a mutual acquaintance by first name that constitutes an invitation. “Nice to meet you, Mr. ___,” (gender appropriate) is the correct way to address the person until they correct you.
C) “Politically Correct” procedures notwithstanding, always hold the door for a lady. Always. Holding chairs, taking coats, offering a light or a smoke, all these can be dispensed with. If you are in a restaurant, always ask her what she would like to have and then ask if she would like you to order for her. Never assume that she will have whatever you decide to order. Holding a coat for a lady to put it on is certainly a nice gesture, and very polite, especially if the lady is wearing an obviously expensive or expansive garment. But always hold the door. Car door, elevator door, garage door, restaurant door, front door ... makes no difference. Hold the Door.
D) Never remain seated on a public conveyance if there is a lady standing, regardless of her state or condition. Yes, it is deferential, and yes, it is old-fashioned, but it speaks to your character.
Perhaps I should insert a little bit about my attitude here. I do not consider women inferior in any way to men. As a matter of fact, many of them are superior in their ability to reason and arrive at meaningful compromises than many men. It has often been said that if women were in charge of governments, we would have a lot less war. I happen to agree with that to a large extent. Without women, we men would not exist, and therefore, there is at least a subtle entitlement to some form of deference.
A brief summation: Treat every person you meet as if they were family, someone you must successfully deal with day and night, for the rest of your life.
