Often, people who run conversational interference aren’t listening as well as they should be. They might hear a sentence or two, form an opinion they feel should be voiced, and listen for a slight pause or hesitation in conversation that allows them to interject. At this point, the attention is on themselves rather than the speaker. Instead of wanting to make points as they come to your head, have a notebook handy to jot down notes for later or make mental notes. This is especially good advice for people who tend to interrupt their coworkers and, even worse, their bosses during meetings. (Don’t feel bad if this is you; I’ve been guilty of it, too.) While you may want to make a great impression and showcase your enthusiasm or knowledge, speaking over peers and managers only demonstrates a lack of respect and patience.
Rather than waiting for a moment to get a word in, pay attention to the way the speaker talks and the points he or she’s making. It’s possible the person will reach the same conclusion you have if he or she’s given the opportunity to finish speaking. Similarly, you may reach a different conclusion once the speaker’s done. If it feels nearly impossible to keep quiet, try subtly putting a finger over your lips as a reminder. Asking friends or coworkers to politely point out when you’re interjecting too much can also be helpful. The reminding should be slight and kind instead of disparaging; experiencing the latter could make you too afraid to speak at all.
Dealing with Other Interrupters
Since most of us have been guilty of interrupting at some point, we’ve all been victims of it, too. When you have to deal with a chronic interrupter, try speaking quickly so that the person doesn’t jump on a break in conversation. If someone starts talking over you, raise your voice slightly and continue on. When interrupters are allowed to do so unabated, it only reinforces the behavior. Parents teaching their kids good manners are told not to acknowledge them when they demand attention in the middle of another conversation. Just as children have to learn to wait their turn, those of us who interrupt need to be reminded of that lesson, too.
There are times when interrupting is more excusable. “I don’t understand what you’re saying” or “Stop talking, there’s an emergency!” are perfectly valid things to bring up in the middle of a conversation. But for the times when you’re itching to make a point or stir things in a different direction, it’s best to pipe down and let the speaker finish. Few things are so pressing to discuss that it justifies hurting someone else’s feelings in the process. When the urge to interrupt hits, just remember how it feels to be talked over and open your ears instead of your mouth.
Updated December 13, 2010
