“Expectations are premeditated resentment,” my friend casually shared with me over lunch. Where was she twenty years ago? What a great statement. Resentment, frustration, anxiety, and fear swirl around our black and white thinking, paralyzing us into thinking life is not turning out as we expected. Either we do it the way we had planned and it will be perfect, or our plans will fall through and we will be miserable. Life works or it doesn’t. We either made it or we didn’t.
I am venturing into my next chapter in life with colorful anticipation and enthusiastic intention. There is no black or white. There is no right way. There isn’t even gray anymore. I am letting go of expectations and how life is supposed to look. My journey has taken me on a path that has been filled with twists, turns, and detours. My life is full of a colorful mix of checkered, dotted, striped, and plaid patterns. The dreams I have at thirty-nine are different than the dreams I had at twenty-nine. I know who I am and who I’m not. I am global, not domestic. I appreciate creativity, not the status quo. I thrive in the city and suffocate in the suburbs. I am learning to be the best version of myself versus trying to be someone I’m not.
I used to think that if I worked fifteen hour days, held my blackberry close, and accomplished all of my objectives, I would move up the corporate ladder. Now, I focus on doing great work, inspiring people around me, and making a positive impact.
I used to send gifts to my nieces and nephews, waiting for them to call me and tell me how much they appreciated them—expecting them to tell me what a cool aunt I am. Now, when I get a text message from my niece, I’m grateful she’s thinking of me.
My colorful introspection came to life even more on a recent trip to New York City to visit my “bicoastal husband.” My husband and I were throwing a party in Williamsburg, where we have a place. We wanted to bring our community of friends together on the east coast and build those connections again. The perfect opportunity came after we read a New York Times article highlighting local food shops in Williamsburg. We hired a chef to buy, prepare, and serve the food at the party. When we realized she couldn’t make it, I panicked. I could feel my expectations quickly turn into “premeditated resentment.” I did not come all the way out here to spend our entire Saturday running around getting food and preparing for the party. I also didn’t want to spend all day Sunday cleaning. Then I stopped and let go of the black and white thinking and unfulfilled expectations. The colorful possibilities started swirling inside of my head. What if we could have fun planning the party? What if we made this an exciting adventure to explore Williamsburg? Our chef gave us her menu so we could re-create what she had planned.
My husband and I started the day out at “Gimme Coffee”—my favorite coffee place in Williamsburg. The first colorful moment came when the barista gave me a soy latte instead of the skim latte that I had ordered. It was another opportunity to practice letting go of expectations. I now only drink soy lattes. We rented a zip car to take us to all the places we needed to go to pick up the food. First the butcher shop. “Cheffy,” the butcher, told us that the mashed potatoes we thought were mixed with duck confit were actually the lard to keep it moist and “tasty.” Clearly we were not in San Francisco anymore. We got to know Cheffy and some guy named Jack who came in to pick up the two quails he had ordered. We also got some fresh prosciutto and a few suggested chutneys to go along with the meat. Then we went to the Brooklyn cheese shop and tasted fresh cheese from Stan, who suggested that the local Brooklyn beer would go great with some of the softer cheeses. The beer that was suggested had just come out that day and the local liquor store owner, Bob, thought it was great planning on our part to have timed the party on that day. (Is that a colorful rainbow I see over the Manhattan skyline?) The day was unfolding perfectly with plenty of time to cook and get everything ready. We got extra plates and glasses at the local store—aptly named “Junk.” We got to know Williamsburg in a whole new way and met our new friends, Cheffy, Stan, Jack, and Bob. The party was a success and it was all because I let go of expectations.
When we let go of what we think should happen, we usually get rewarded with a more colorful life than we even imagined—not to mention fresh duck confit and prosciutto.
