I don’t write film reviews because I’m not pithy enough. I know what I like and what I don’t, but I don’t want to take the time to add the bells and whistles to make it entertaining. I just want to be able to call them the way I see them. This is one such review.

I don’t know if you grew up watching “The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson,” but I did and Johnny was my idol. Johnny was the Ed Sullivan of a generation. So many people became really big stars after appearing on his show. “The Amazing Kreskin” was one of such people and this movie makes no bones about using Kreskin’s career as fodder for the backstory on Buck Howard, a fictional character in the twilight of his career who somehow doesn’t realize he is on the way out.

“The Great Buck Howard” stars John Malkovich, Colin Hanks, and Emily Blunt with cameo appearances by the likes of George Takei, Jay Leno, Jon Stewart, Conan O’Brien, Gary Coleman, Tom Arnold, Martha Stewart, Kelly Ripa, Regis Philbin, and David Blaine. It also features short performances by Steve Zahn, Debra Monks, Adam Scott, Griffin Dunne, Donny Most, and Tom Hanks. Yes, Tom Hanks and his son Colin play father and son in the movie. That alone should be worth the price of admission. Sadly, it is not.

The elder Hanks basically phones in his performance. All he had to do was speak his lines and stare into the camera. Nice work if you can get it. Fortunately for the audience, his part is a minor piece of the plot otherwise his performance might ruin the whole story. I really hate to write this about Hanks because I’m a huge fan and truly admire the body of his work. Perhaps his connection to the film had more to do with production rather than casting and once the director/writer, Sean McGinly, got Colin on board he was so thrilled to have Tom, he didn’t bother making his character anything other than two-dimensional.

So much for having Hollywood royalty volunteer their services.

I probably shouldn’t be writing this, but in a way a feel sorry for Colin. You can tell he wants to be a great actor like his dad, but he’s nowhere near good enough, or maybe he just hasn’t chosen the right vehicles for his talent. In any case, I don’t get him, nor do I think he’s leading man material. I’ve watched him perform in two movies now, “The House Bunny” and this film, and neither time did I believe that the beautiful heroine—in this film, for lack of a better characterization, Emily Blunt—would legitimately fall head over heels for him. In the first place, no matter how many times a character in his films tells him or says that he’s good looking, he is not. At least not in my humble opinion. Unlike Tom who was quite dashing in his day, Colin brings nothing to the big screen in the way of charisma. That right there is a big negative.

Secondly, Colin Hanks can’t help but live in the shadow of his father and this makes people like me think he’s only where he is today due to nepotism. At least have the decency to make a name for yourself in another line of the business before diving head first into acting. If Colin Hanks was anyone else vying for the part of Troy Gable, the good-natured law student turned road manager for Buck Howard, he wouldn’t have landed it. I can think of at least ten other actors who would have killed for this part and the chance to work with Malkovich. Somehow, the unfairness ruined the overall experience for me, especially in Colin’s scenes with Emily Blunt.

That said, Malkovich is truly great in the film and nails the part without being over the top. I don’t think people realize how hard it is playing a character like this without becoming cheesy yourself. Malkovich does an excellent job of making the character believable and someone to cheer. I actually ended up enjoying the film, probably because of him, despite performances from the supporting cast.

Speaking of which, I don’t understand why Emily Blunt uses an American accent in the film. Is she practicing or what? Although impressive, she could have just as easily spoken like a British import and it wouldn’t have affected the film one way or the other. In the future, when her accent isn’t tied into her character (like it was in “Sunshine Cleaning” where everyone would have to have spoken with an English accent to make the part believable), I would rather hear Blunt speak like the character she played in “The Devil Wears Prada.” At least then I wouldn’t feel like she’s trying to show off, saying “Look at me, I’m better than Hugh Laurie,” or some such nonsense.

You can see the way my mind works.

One last note. When I like a movie, I watch all the extras and this DVD is crammed with some good ones. The outtakes especially stuck in my mind. There’s a part where Tom Arnold adlibs to Malkovich about taking too long on the “Tonight Show” and offers, “A coyote ate my Maltipoo” as one of the excuses. For a moment, I thought the line was ripped from the headlines, then realized the film came out in 2008. Is it possible the cast and crew went back and filmed outtakes after the Jessica Simpson tragedy? 

One can’t be too sure. Of that and the way Buck consistently ended his act by finding the money, I am in awe.