So here I am on a Thursday morning; took a day off because the day before I realized my job is driving me crazy. It is really not a new feeling. I have been craving for a change for the last two years. I have been looking here and there. It has been a bad year for teachers. Yes, I have been in this profession for the last eighteen years of my life. Until now I have had no complains. I have truly loved my daily interaction with young people full of dreams, battling their own inner wars in a world that has turned into a field of insecurities, where love has been thrown to the last item in a long list of do’s and don’ts .
Just like them, I have been fighting my own inner war, waking up to a system that Is not working, where excellence lost its meaning, where politics run the curriculum, where community has turned into a struggle for power and hidden agendas. People tell me not to worry, not to take it to heart: “just do your job and forget about the administrative details.” That is what I hear almost every day. It is not your problem. I wish I could just forget about it but that is not me.
Deep inside I know there is much more I am called to do. It is not about simply teaching a subject. I know there is a place, somewhere, where I can regain my joy for the passion that use to drive me, where I would be able to pass on my love for life, where I can serve as a vehicle for change as I transform into a better human being. This is what I am searching for at this stage of my life. This is what I need to take my life back.
Last night I was watching a video where the host was explaining the tree steps to set your life on fire by finding your passion: intention, attention, and no tension. Intention asks you to clearly state what you choose to create. Attention sets your intention into an action plan, the do it now, staying focus on your vision. No tension urges you to act from calmness and a peaceful state doing what needs to be done and then letting it go with the assurance that life will take care of it according to the divine plan.
Do I have to revise my passion? Do passions change as we grown and learn or have I allowed my passion to vanish between the sheets of daily routines, the expectations from society, and the material objects we are pushed to acquire to fulfill the American dream? These are the questions I am pondering today as I take some time for myself, as I ask for guidance and clarity. My search for igniting my life back has just begun and I know it depends on me, my faith, and my trust in the woman I am to regain that part of me that has been lost.
