It’s 2011. Happy New Year. And I feel no different when it was December 31, 2010. Sure, the old calendars need to come down. The holiday decorations have to be put away. But, I don’t feel any different. When I was a child, the passage of time meant nothing. The year came, I lived, and the year went. I was young, innocent, and carefree. I didn’t make resolutions then. I didn’t really understood what was the point. I just continued to do what I wanted to do each and every year—do well in school, watch TV, make friends, and get through poverty. And write, I continued to write. But that happened without the need of a resolution to remind me.
When I became a teen, resolutions had more meaning. Each year, I was focused on doing better in school, going to college, and freeing myself from the stifling grip of urban living (and my mother’s hovering). I graduated from high school and was accepted into most of the colleges of my choice. If I had done more research, asked more questions, and gotten more help, I would have chosen other colleges that would have fed my creative pursuits. Ignorance led me elsewhere. But I resolved to make the best of it.
As a young adult, struggling to pay bills and return to academic life (I had to leave after my freshman year due to financial reasons), I entered the corporate world. While many young twenty-somethings were enjoying college life and figuring out who they were, I sat in front of a computer screen, typing in data for an insurance company and answering phone calls. It wasn’t what I had envisioned for myself, but it paid the bills. The company paid for my foray into the legal world. And I met my future husband. Resolutions fell by the wayside.
As I entered my mid-twenties, I became restless and the stress from my current position as a claims rep was taking its toll. In addition, my creative self had found an outlet in modeling, acting, and my original passion—writing. Despite the financial need, corporate life was losing its hold over me. I wanted more for myself. I resolved to get that more.
As I entered my thirties, after a series of different jobs, I ended up teaching. This is my current role. I’m an English teacher at an urban school. I get to read, write, and strengthen the academic skills of my students. We write stories, poems, and essays. We share and develop our talents. I have some students who are incredible writers and others who struggle to put pen to paper. But after working with so many students, my dreams were put on the back burner. But, not anymore.
I’m currently a first year graduate MFA student at Emerson College in Boston, MA. I am a writer and I want to become a better one. It’s a struggle trying to focus on me, but I need to do this. My stories, my essays, and my poems want to be heard. I must listen to them. In 2011, I resolve to take care of my needs. My resolution is to follow my heart.
