“A couple of months ago things were so stressful at work that everyone—including me—was tense all the time. By the time I got home I was completely drained and wanted nothing more than go straight to bed.”
Does the above scenario sound at least a little familiar? Can you identify with the premise if not the specific situation? If so, how long was it before your mood lifted? Did you have a serious talk with yourself, trying to convince yourself to focus on something—anything—else? Consider the last you found yourself really angry or down. When you think back on it, do you recall that your emotions slowed you down or perhaps even crippled you emotionally for days or weeks?
People always want to know if there’s a quick fix to resetting your emotional state, and the answer is yes in most cases. I know that when you’re upset it can feel like an additional challenge or effort to think happier thoughts, feel love, or experience joy. And if you can’t do those things, you often find that you end up attracting more of the same.
In 2005, the terrific book Ask and It Is Given introduced the idea of “moving up your emotional scale.” The Emotional Scale, developed by authors Esther and Jerry Hicks, invites you to:
- Be aware of your current emotional state.
- Take incremental steps toward more pleasant thoughts.
- Gain connection, control, and empowerment.
- Experience the things you desire.
The authors of this phenomenal text posit that there are really only two emotions: good feelings and bad feelings. The former is positive and represents the fullest state of connection through things like appreciation, freedom, joy, knowledge, love, etc.: it is the embodiment of empowerment. The latter is marked by things like depression, despair, disconnection, fear, grief, etc.: it is the representation of disconnection. The Hicks argue that as humans we are able to make a conscious choice to improve or “up” our emotions to better ones.
Here are some tips for how you can practice moving up your emotional scale.
Identify where you stand on the emotional scale and consciously choose to reach for a higher spot on that scale. The standard emotional scale probably looks something like this:
- Joy/Knowledge/Empowerment/Freedom/Love/Appreciation
- Passion
- Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness
- Positive Expectation/Belief
- Optimism
- Hopefulness
- Contentment
- Boredom
- Pessimism
- Frustration/Irritation/Impatience
- “Overwhelment”
- Disappointment
- Doubt
- Worry
- Blame
- Discouragement
- Anger
- Revenge
- Hatred/Rage
- Jealousy
- Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
- Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness
(Note: The Emotional Scale uses labels for your emotions that aren’t entirely accurate for all people; as such, use the scale as a guideline rather than one you to which you have to adhere.)
In their book the Hicks liken the Emotional Scale to a gas tank gauge in which the higher your emotion or emotional set point is, the fuller your well-being is.
Reach for Relief
Think any thought that is “better feeling” that you have access to at this moment, then evaluate whether you feel any relief. For example:
- Positive expectations give you a feeling of relief from pessimism.
- Hopefulness gives you relief from pessimism.
- Overwhelment” gives you relief from blame.
- Blame gives you relief from anger.
- Rage gives you relief from depression.
Here’s an example in action. Imagine that you’re so anxious that you have trouble breathing. Try reaching for anger over anxiety. You might do this by creating the thought, “I’m angry that I feel so anxious.” In the middle of your angry thought you might well find that you no longer experience difficulty breathing.
There is a tremendous amount of power in being able to tell yourself, “Don’t worry. There’s no need to leap from down in the dumps to jubilant in one giant jump. I only need to go the next emotion up on my scale.” And once you’re there, you can regroup and formulate a new “reach” so you continue working your way up the scale.
