I have not had many relationships. I am the type of female who stays in for a long time and stays faithful while he cheats and disrespects me. I wanted to get married but not just for a blinged out day full of drama and nasty cake, to be with someone I love and someone who loves me. Only it never turns out that way. I am not needy. I go by my own rules and sometimes like being left alone. When I open up and come back, then I do.
I have not had a good picture of what marriage is. Coming from an abusive dysfunctional childhood, my quest for the right one has always hit the ground and crashed. My heart was broken once. Other times I cried out of feeling unloved, unwanted, and rejected. I decided to stop dating and looking and began praying for a man. When I had dreams about him he never had a face.
So then all of a sudden out of the blue here comes Antwan. Two weeks into the courtship he wants to move in and what made it even worst, he was a Libra like me. The phone calls started slowing down and he became secretive and then totally dropped of the face of the earth. One night I was on one of the social networks and he popped up. He wanted to be my friend and on his profile he said I was his wife. It was so flimsy. Like a rocking boat. Then a girl called my phone and began to say yaddah yaddah they had a baby and all this other stuff. I called him and asked him and he had no clue what I was talking about. Well, it was over. I stopped calling him and then in the middle of October he calls me and tells me he is out side my house and he wanted to come in. I let him in we talked and that was that. I told him to kiss my ass and he got up and left. I told him that because he knew he had a baby and yet he was one of those guys who fucked the world. So from April to October 2008 Antwan and me are in and out up and down
April 2009 comes and the weather breaks. Here comes this tall light skinned man who I noticed watched me every time I walked into the Laundromat. He asked me out. I said yes. Four months later, we go out. He took me to a bar with another female. He brought me a drink and brought me and the female who I knew back home and attempted to have a threesome. I ran fast out of the house. It was a bad relationship. He sold drugs and also got high on his supply. We fought each other and it all came to head when he told me he was going to kill me. I snapped. I tried to hurt him really bad. I didn’t see him for a long while. I thought he was either dead or in jail. He spots me walking down the street and attempts to talk to me. I don’t have time to talk. A day later I am on my way home from taking my kids to school and he is on the same bus. He breaks his neck trying to look at me. We got off at he same stop and he reached for my. All I can say is Thank God for the police! So from April 2009 until October 2009 I fought with a drug dealer who abused women.
April 2010, I am hurt at my job and I go on leave. In the midst of my leave, everything around me is falling apart. I lose my job. I am bedridden and I can’t afford rent or bills. I filed for unemployment and was receiving physical therapy. It sucked. Everything around me got worst. I was walking down the street and my neighbor stopped me right in my tracks. He told me to call a lawyer. I did. The summer of 2010 was me bent over from a herniated disk and bad back spasms.
