Recently, while bellied up to the bar at one of my favorite, local restaurants, an older gentleman chose the seat right next to me in a not-so-crowded bar because he would “rather sit by a woman than a man.” Yeah, I bet. I must note that by “older” I am not talking elderly, I’m talking about the kind of man you wouldn’t want to sit next to your teenage daughter or your mother for that matter.
As he went on and on talking about his beachfront properties and pools and what other bars he had been to that night, I realized that I would have to kindly, but firmly, opt-out of this conversation. “I’m not trying to be rude, but ... ” and then I explain that I had ventured out to, “eat my dinner, drink my wine, and watch the game.” Honestly, I could care less about what game is on TV, but somehow, I think that pointing out that my intentions have nothing to do with meeting people can help convey my message. And it works, like a charm, every time.
A few minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see a woman who had been sitting across the bar with her husband. “Hi! How are you?!” She said with more enthusiasm than a high school cheerleader during the state championships. Then she leaned in, “I saw that guy bothering you and just wanted to know if you would like to move over to our end of the bar.” Wow. For a girl that goes out a lot on my own, I have never, ever, had someone step in and try to deflect the potentially awkward situation that was seated next to me.
“Thank you so much,” I whispered back, “but he is just on his way out now.” We both smiled and she went back across the bar to sit with her husband. I was amazed. For something, that probably seemed so small to her, felt so great to me. I felt taken care of, which seemed silly at the time, but I try not to argue with my feelings.
I called the bartender over and told him that I would like to pay for a round of drinks for the woman and her husband. I handed him my card so I could finish up and be on my way. When he returned, the bartender looked a little confused. “Ok, so you bought them a round of drinks, but they bought your dinner.” What? No. That doesn’t even make sense.
“What do you mean they bought my dinner?” Now I was the confused one. He shrugged and went back to the rest of his patrons. I paid my $9.50 tab and walked over. “You paid for my dinner? That is so nice of you; you didn’t have to do that. Thank you so much.” The words tumbled out of my mouth as I expressed my gratitude. As I walked out to my car, my eyes filled with tears.
That night, while getting ready for bed, I re-played the whole night in my head and I couldn’t stop smiling. How often we hear that it is the little things that can mean so much, yet we forget to do those little things. I started to think of things that I can do in my own life that helps make others feel as special and taken care of as I did the other night.
My top five “little things” that make other people feel great:
5. Pay it forward. There is nothing that I love more than hearing those stories during the holiday season, when someone in a coffee drive-thru pays for the person’s coffee in the car behind them and it lasts for hundreds of cars. Once while grabbing coffee, I got a free coffee card. I asked the barista to hold it behind the bar, and when someone walks in that looks like they need a pick-me-up, give it to them for their coffee.
4. Saying “I appreciate you”. This one works in your professional and personal life. Telling someone that you appreciate the action is great, but telling someone that you appreciate them goes a lot further. Once after finishing up a long meeting, I said, “Thank you, I appreciate you.” to the person who was walking out the door. He made it all the way to his car and walked back inside to thank me for saying it and promised to use it in his own life.
3. Sending flowers. Last Valentine’s Day, I found myself sans Valentine. So instead of buying myself an extra-large box of chocolates and bottle of red wine, I made two phone calls to two different florists. I sent flowers to my grandmother’s best friend, who lost her husband several years ago, and to my own best friend who I spent every college Valentine’s Day with eating Chinese food and watching sappy movies.
2. Looking someone in the eye and smiling. I always try to smile at babies and elderly people, but sometimes skimp on the people in between. It feels so good to make even a snap connection with someone, by making eye contact and smiling. It can brighten not only their day, but yours too.
1. Telling people that you love them. You never know when they friend or family member needs a little reminder. Even a text message that says, “I love you because you’re you,” can go a long way.
