Life hasn’t always been easy for me. I’m sort of a loner, but every now and then I enjoy the company of smiles, laughter, and even tears. Lately I’ve found myself without my blood family and adopted into another. Weird? Yes it is! When you feel like you have lost everything and everyone it is so easy to lose yourself in others. I’ve always been a strong and dominant person, but lately I have found myself to be the weakest link. I ended up where I did not want to be and dependent on someone else. I took my losses and saw them as weaknesses instead of strength, which not only became my burdens but they also have become my limits and boundaries. Only when we are old in age are people are suppose to lead and guide you—not when you are still young and in perfect health. It’s funny because I’ve never been the one to be led; I’ve always been the leader.
It is also strange that when you have lost all the one person you have vowed you would never have anything to do with comes back into your life and once again you lose yourself in them. When you lose yourself in others it makes so easy for others to take advantage of you because you feel that you need them in order to stand; because you are weak and you don’t know how to stand anymore. You’ve done all you knew how to do and still nothing released the chains that are wrapped so tightly on your hands and feet. Losing yourself in others limits you and bounds you even more until you are totally lost and dependent on others. You cry, scream, pray, and act out but nothing seems to go the way you though it should have gone. Up most nights trying to figure out where you went wrong. Now that I realized that I have lost myself in others, I’m spending time wondering how do I get me back. But if I knew where I lost myself, it would be so much easier to find myself again...
It’s hard to focus but everyday I feel myself finding me again.
