“When you’re anticipating some future good, you’re preventing that good that is all around you from expressing through you .. (Don’t) put life on the layaway plan and try to anticipate that it’s going to get good in the future.”
-Rev. Dr. Michael Beckwith on Oprah “One Week Later: The Huge Reaction to The Secret.”
In first grade I had a pair of lavender Jordache jeans with dark purple stitching, The Great Bead Machine, and beautiful long hair. My class had a pet salamander and we planted lima beans in tiny containers and watched them grow. Reading was my favorite subject even though I wasn't in the advanced reading group, and I also liked music, art, and tire swings. Life was good, just as it was.
In second grade my best friend moved to Japan, my remaining group of friends kicked me out of the interpretation of Annie we were going to perform which was my idea in the first place, my teacher got sick and was out for most of the year, my grandfather died, my parents got divorced, and I got lice several times resulting in a very short, very unflattering haircut. It was not a good year.
Thinking back, I believe that this may have been when I started the pattern of thinking: "If I can just get through this day/week/month/year, then maybe the next day/week/month/year will be better."
In fifth grade I thought that my social life would surely take off in middle school. In sixth grade, I thought that once I was in eighth grade and the oldest in the school, I would have more confidence. In eighth grade, I was ousted from the popular group and I thought I would have more social opportunities once I got to high school. In ninth grade, I remember locking myself in my room for days working on an Earth Science research paper, thinking that if I could just get really good grades and get into Princeton or Harvard, then I would be happy. In high school I lived for the weekends and school breaks—summer vacation, winter holiday, spring break, mid-winter recess—and the parties and adventures they would bring.
