Okay ladies, I am officially in crisis. Remember how happy I’ve been over the last 2 months with my new job, very busy, yes, but very happy? Erik is off to college next year. I’m on an exciting new adventure and all that? Well Adam decided on Friday to lay me off. Can you believe it? I was beyond shocked when he told me. My mouth went dry, like it was filled with cotton balls. I started shaking; I was totally blind-sided. Thankfully I didn’t cry. His reason? Well I never totally got the reason. He said he needs to re-think what he needs for the business and that his first priority is to do what’s best for the business. Okaaaay. So after I tried to get more out of him to try to understand what I could do to “improve” he said he’d think about it over night and get back to me. He sent me an email the next day saying it was over. Unbelievable. I know about 2 weeks ago he was in his office with the door shut, shouting on the phone and that his planned launch of the commercial website didn’t happen. I don’t know. I feel at once embarrassed, shamed, stupid and angry. Thank God for my family, for my husband who talked to me all the way home that day and then just listened to me and hugged me. I don’t want to tell my parents because I don’t want to worry them, because they were so happy for me too. I actually haven’t cried yet, though writing this now, the tears are starting to fall. I know in my heart of hearts that really in truly there are so many worse things that could be happening. We all know that.
I just got back from a short run down the power line. Though I’ve been dreading telling you all about this, I also realized that I really need you all right now. That possibly I’m not even the only one having a hard time right now. Everybody says this is a time of transition, boy it sure is for me. I’m questioning everything, all my decisions I wonder about, know what I mean?
I have to say I feel a bit like Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex/City right now at the typewriter, pouring my heart out, tears streaming down my face. But actually it feels kinda good to just let it out.
Back to my short run this morning … I always come up with crazy ideas and energy and convictions when I run, I don’t know why, but it happens. This morning I realized I had to write you all and just let you know and maybe ask for help. That’s the first step. The next thing is I’m wondering if any of you would like to come over for coffee next week and we could all talk about this particular time in our lives and try to support each other. In my more lucid moments I realize that I’m not the only one struggling with something. I also know my friends are so important to me and also that I want to try to network and get some help from the outside. Yesterday I started to do some research (which I’m very good at by the way) and found there are tons of resources out there—women supporting women in so many ways. Would anyone of you very smart and wonderful women like to help me think through this some more and see where it might lead?
Again, back to my short run this morning … I’m so inconsistent in my running. I think I feel a metaphor coming on. I might run for a couple of weeks, and then stop just when I’m getting in the groove. You know, something will come up and I’ll skip the run. So this morning I started up again, for the hundredth million time. It hurt and my lungs ached. Izzy was dragging on behind me, definitely not in the mood. Usually on the first couple of days back, I just can’t get myself to run all the way to the yellow fence. It’s just too hard and really, rather boring but today I did. I just said I could do it and I did.
So about that cup of coffee, who can join me?
