Lies, Lies, Lies: How Are You Fooling Yourself?
A white wedding dress, the toupee, and New Year’s resolutions. Certain lies need no explanation, but is a padded bra really lying? I suppose it’s just false advertising, or “doing the best with what you’ve got” depending how you lie to yourself about it. Botox, “natural make-up,” and let’s just face it, Snackwells. “I’ll start on Monday,” laughing at a knock-knock joke, tinted eyelashes, an orange tan, and Canal Street. “Just five more minutes,” “I’m fine,” and “What bald spot?” Spanx, Lip Venom, and platform heels. “It’s homemade,” “I was just about to,” and “Yeah, it’s the hardest I’ve ever felt.” “I never lie.”
In my newest book, Moose: A Memoir of Fat Camp, I reveal the ways I’ve lied in my life, and not surprisingly, it’s not only about the lies we tell to others but the lies we tell ourselves.
Sometimes the falsehoods are more intricate, revealing insecurities at play, or our fear of what others may think of us. Have you ever stopped to consider what kind of lies you tell? What types of secrets you agree to keep for others, and what that says about you?
The giveaway ended August 1st, but you can still add your story to this chit chat. Look for more giveaways soon and stand by for an announcement about our winner.
I just wanted to add, Stephanie, that the book I recommended would go along really well with yours - my intention is not to outshine your book in anyway and I meant to offer my sincerest congratulations! After reading about your book, I was so amped to send out the info about Mistakes were Made - as a compliment to your work, that I forgot the most important part - and that was acknowledging you..I apologize -and again, BIG CONGRATS! I look forward to reading your book (of much needed awakening!).
I recommend the following: Mistakes were made (but not by me) by C. Tavris and E. Aronson: http://www.mistakesweremadebutnotbyme.com/. Here's a brief intro from book:
"At some point we all make a bad decision, do something that harms another person, or cling to an outdated belief. When we do, we strive to reduce the cognitive dissonance that results from feeling that we, who are smart, moral, and right, just did something that was dumb, immoral, or wrong.
Whether the consequences are trivial or tragic, it is difficult, and for some people impossible, to say, “I made a terrible mistake.” The higher the stakes—emotional, financial, moral—the greater that difficulty. Self-justification, the hardwired mechanism that blinds us to the possibility that we were wrong, has benefits: It lets us sleep at night and keeps us from torturing ourselves with regrets. But it can also block our ability to see our faults and errors. It legitimizes prejudice and corruption.."
Sounds like an interesting book Stephanie! Congratulations!
I think keeping secrets about ourselves is lie building an emotional prison--we can't get out until we own up to the truth. Sounds harsh, but that's the way I feel, anyway.
Anyone ever heard of the Act As If philosophy? I think it's something that Wayne Dryer speaks about.... How does this play into the posed question??? Any thoughts?
oh wow! i lie every day since my freshman year in college. For example the color of my hair, the texture of it, how its curl instead of straight, how i lighten my skin, use contacts, that push up bra... and once i look at the mirror, it just does not look like me. This made me realize how much i have lied to myself more than to others.
Also I think I tend to tell lies to myself that are of the negative value. So maybe if I chance that to positve I will create positve. Is it ok to tell ourselves these little lies? I am going to for now regardless.
This is really an awesopme question! I never ever thought about it. I hear things like "what you don't like in others is someting something someting in myself" and "like minds attract", and "you draw closer to those who do and act most similar to what I do and act". There are a couple more but they are rather the same, hummm. I do say to others that "you get back what you give sevenfold". I only say that tho when I have no other way to defend myself which means I say it out of anger. Boy, ,.... I am going to think on this, this is good.
I think we lie to ourselves to support the beliefs we have about something. I just finished writing a post about why I spend all day working when I'm really only doing "busy" work. It came down to some beliefs I had that were not serving me at all. When I change those beliefs I'm sure the behavior will change as well as the lies I tell myself.
Probably the same lie that nearly every girl either told or heard: I'm on the pill to clear up my skin.
Everyone lies to themselves. It's how we convince ourselves we have worth. Ann Rand said only engineers have worth. I guess they never lie. Yeah sure.
I love to make up little lies to my kids, as a matter of fact, I jsut finished one...the tooth fairy just came while we were eating lunch, because she was busy with childrens teeth falling out all over the world last night.
I missed the giveaway - but no matter - really liked the story. My little "white lies" are for the most part based on not huring someone's feelings. I mask negative feelings about something pertaining to a specific individual whether good friend or family member in order to spare them from unnecessary hurt. As for me..I haven't really thought about what lies I've told to myself..and this is something I definitely have to think on.. thank you for the eye-opener - in so many ways.
Member, Kimaling
I used to make things just a little better then it was so it looked better or so I thought I looked better but it made Me look Oh so bad.......I told everyone who I care about what I did and confessed and everyonce in a while when life seems to normal or boring I think maybe I might make that better I remember having to admit to everyone what I did......and some People still do not trust Me........They wonder If I am being 100 percent true? Life is too hard......thanks for this great sweepstakes
It is easier to just tell the truth. Lying takes up too much time and energy trying to remember who you told the lie to and always remember what you said so that you don't get caught up in your lie.
I used to lie because I did not want people ask questions about my disfunctional family. It was hard to break the habit but now I do not have the burden of trying to remember the lies.
PLEASE COUNT ME IN ON THIS AWESOME GIVEAWAY :)
What a fasinating topic! I admit to telling many little lies. I don't know how you could go through life without ever doing it. Being polite and politically correct is embedded in our culture - to do that, you need to lie sometimes. Thank you so much for the great contest!
I would like to win this contest, and that's no lie.
Sometimes white lies can be less hurtfull than the truth-though I would want to hear the truth
I lie when I'm asked how someone looks...if I think they don't look good...I always say they do...because what's important is how THEY feel not how I feel.
THANKS
This is the most interesting blog I have read in a long time! I find it fascinating to read what others have to say about the subject of lying & what our lies say about us. I thank everyone for sharing their feelings on the matter & now I will share a few of mine. Honestly, I try not to ever lie. I would never lie about anything that would be hurtful or harmful to anyone. The times in my life that I did catch myself lying is when I was at a time in my life when I was very insecure about myself, who I was, where I was heading, and just lost within myself. I believe I lied because it made me feel better about myself, that perhaps I wasn't the loser I thought I was at the time, it was done to boost my own self esteem, not to hurt or mislead anyone. Now I am at a good place in my life and don't feel I need to pretend I am anyone else but my myself, I am comfortable with myself and deep inside Love myself. I think most people lie out of insecurity and they just need love and support!
I believe that it is almost impossible to never tell a lie. However, I do try to keep mine to just "little white lies" - things you tell others to keep from hurting their feelings or the social responses we give daily -- How are you?, etc. Thank you for the opportunity to win!
I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to win this...
:D :D :D
i think one of the reason why we lie to people when they ask how we're doing, is because we think that they won't care or won't want to help. If you think that about your friends then you should try asking them for advice when you're feeling blue, and if they're not willing to help you then you shouldn't have that type of person as your friend.
If someone asks how i feel i usually say wonderful. wether i do or not.
I can't stand liars, so I try not to be something I can't stand. Makes sense, right? There are ways to tell the truth and still be kind.
LIES ALWAYS COME BACK TO MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE. SILENCE IS BETTER. TRUTH IS BEST.
I lie when people ask me how I am. I tell them I am fine when I am not. If they are a close friend or family member then I share the truth. A lot of people don't always want to hear the truth.
I lied to myself by believing what my (ex) husband told me instead of listening to my head.
I really don't think of myself as much of a liar. I suppose I don't see the point in saying mean or hurtful things just so I can say I'm being "honest."
I have a bad habit of making up (probably flimsy-sounding) excuses to get out of obligations I probably shouldn't have committed myself to in the first place. I am starting to learn that being direct and honest with others about instead of being agreeable just for the sake of avoiding conflict is the better approach, and that lying and breaking commitments only gets me in trouble (and causes more conflict) in the end.
I color my hair, changing it frequently - but I don't think I am lying to myself or anyone else. I can be brutally blunt at times. I see more flaws in myself than others do, while I tend to give everyone else a lot of leeway.
To Thine Own Self Be True!
if a lie is coloring my hair to hide the gray then I lie every 6 weeks as for little white lies a lie is a lie ...then there are parents who tell their kids that lying is bad and then lie to them and tell them that shots dont hurt or if you dont behave the police will come get you isnt a lie a lie how can you teach kids when you do what you say is bad
there is no reason to lie, if you do, usually you can't remember them later. be true to yourself.
The truth is always the best. You can never remember your lies.
I think that sometimes we aren't even aware of the lies we tell ourselves!
I really have a problem with people who are willing to lie, even if they know it is going to hurt others. How can you trust someone who is not honest, even when they know that you know the truth?
Lying to oneself is a very different animal than lying to others. I have rarely done the latter, but, in hindsight, I have lied to myself in many ways, in many different situations. Perhaps self delusion is a better way of expressing it, and I think most of us have wanted to believe things that were simply not true.
Lies come back to haunt you. Duplicity is the opposite of integrity.
Honesty really is the best policy. When you have to lie, you continue to lie and it's too hard on the soul over time.
I believe in being as honest as possible. I do not think lying is worth it and will usually get you no where especially if it is a big lie. Just tell the truth and face the consequences. It can't be worse than continuing to lie. And the more you lie the less people will trust you in the future.
I don't think I'm a good liar, I try never to lie,and I'm trying to train my face not to give my thoughts away.
It is my belief that if you lie, somebody out there or some how the lie well come back to haunt you and cause more trouble. I feel that honesty is aways the best policy and have tried to instill that in my children. If someone ask me if I like their outfit for example I use the saying how do you feel in the outfit or how does it fit, or do you like the color. I ask them a question to see their response.
camper223@live.com
I don't have a problem telling the truth to others, but I did lie to myself. When I stopped lying to myself, I found freedom.
No matter how many times you tell yourself that a lie is small so it's okay, it never ends up working out well for you or anyone else...don't do it.
I rarely tell a big lie about anything important. Sometimes I'll fib a little to try to make someone else feel better. If it's not going to hurt anyone, what's the harm? Like, if you tell someone they look great, but you really think they look haggard and horrible, are you causing more trouble or are you spreading happiness?
Part of my tactic for surviving parenting a toddler is the little white lie... Does that count?! =}
I always feel so guilty after a lie! Mostly they are little white lies.
I never tell bald face lies. SOmetimes a little white lie to not hurt feelings
I try to not lie, but sometimes a little white lie goes along way when it comes to someone's feelings. That's only when it comes to minor things, though.
Lying leads to more lying which leads to more lying to cover up all of the other lies.
Lying gets you nowhere. I really dislike liars.
Little white lies usually turn into big fat lies!!!
I think that of all the things I dislike the most lying is one of them, especially when I am doing it to myself. I try and tell myself that I am just trying to bolster my self confidence but in the end I just end up hurting myself and feeling so defeated. When you tell the truth to yourself and others you know that you are giving the very best of yourself. I would rather know the truth and tell the truth than try to remember a lie and wonder if I will be found out.
In my youth lying was part of survival now however its hard to remember what was real and what was the lie.
Some lies just keep life running smoothly and hurt no one. Lies that break trust and betry another person are tragic.
At 73, I keep telling myself that I only look like I'm 63.
I lied when I was younger but I learned quickly that it's not worth it. It's exhausting, draining and always ends in a negative way. Telling the truth is so much easier.
I never lied about my age...I just don't mention it or my birthday!
Lying will only get you in to trouble
I have been told by a boss that I am too honest--guess I never properly learned how to lie.
Honestly learned very young, you always get caught in a lie!
I think lies are often told to simply be tactful and that isn't a bad thing at all. Too many feelings are hurt by believing you should always tell a friend "the truth" about how he or she looks.
A lie to hard to remember...the truth is always the best way to go!
I just forget the truth at times.
I started to lie about my age while still in my (upper) 20s :) Lying is a necessary evil, depending on the situation
The truth is always best.
Lying will always bite you in the butt.
my biggest lie is me thinking i matter in this world, i lie to myself thinking im worth anything, i lie to myself thinking i matter......... i dont like lies so why not face the biggest lie of all, that im worth anything
try to always tell the truth
secrets and lies are very different things. They can be both good and bad.
Frankly, I think little white lies make it a bit easier to navigate through a world where privacy is eroding. So many people have no concept of boundaries any more!
Sometimes I think telling a little white lie is the best thing to do.
it is best to tell the truth
I've come to realize that I have nothing to lie about because I'm OK just like I am. I spent decades distancing myself from people so they couldn't judge me, and painfully realized that the judge I couldn't escape was myself. I didn't want to renew old friendships, because then I'd have to tell what I'd been doing for the past 10,20,30, years. Operating under the self-delusion that I was fine and everyone else was an idiot was not just lying to myself; it was hiding. Then a chance to reconnect offered itself, and I became almost obsessed with justifying myself. That wasn't the answer either. I seek new insight every day, and Thank God, it is there! Susan Heller
Is it good- SOMETIMES- to tell a little white lie?
I'm lousy at telling lies, so I avoid it :)
There were only a couple of times in my life so far when it was really important to not tell the truth and I did it very smoothly, but that's because it was really the right thing to do in that circumstances.
in the arabic byword ( satisfy people is destination will not reach )
i will never lie because people because thay doesnt matter with me....
If you omit something is that really a lie?
Ever since I was little I have had a problem with omitting details to avoid getting in trouble. I find myself doing that now in my relationship. If I think that there will be a bad reaction to something I simply don't tell him things. It can sometimes be a problem when it snowballs into more untold lies until I have to tell him and it's ten times worse. Usually about money issues.
I try not to tell a lie hubby always knows if I do he says he can tell from my eyes
I lie sometimes but its usually so me or someone else will not get in trouble. But the biggest is denial, I always wear some type of heel even in summer b/c I am self conscious of my height.
I'm finding it hard to try to teach my children the value of honesty and then catch myself telling 'little white lies' which makes me feel like such a hypocrite. I try my hardest not to lie, but it is something I struggle with because always telling the truth is at time hurtful to other and to yourself.
As I've grown older, I've become more honest. I'm much more open and honest about my feelings. I lived in denial for many, many years. And it sure feels better to let myself be known as I really am.
I try not to lie but sometimes I do because I hate hurting my friends feelings.
Add to the list... girdles and diet soda.
I lie so as not to hurt the feelings of others.
Those little white lies can always get you in trouble
Lies, lies, lies...yeahhhh!!!
Honesty is always best but sometimes you wonder if you should really tell the truth to avoid hurting other people.
It depends. I try to be honest, but sometimes honest just won't work...
Me? Lie? No way!
Denial. That is when we know we're really that madly in love with the concept. But are they all bad, lies? A little lie doesn't hurt. Really?
But It does matter in this world what kind of truth or untruth you deal in, whether to protect somebody or appease selfish egos.
Lies are bad. Everybody knows it, everybody does it, but nobody wants to be lied to. Funny.
I think the most interesting facet concerning lies is that we all do not want to be lied to, but we all tell lies to protect ourselves and the feelings of others. And, I'm the worst one in the world to do so.
I'm not sure what to post.
There are times when I know that I am not happy here in California. When I am asked if I miss New York (a question I dread more and more), I find myself responding not with "yes" or "no," but with answers like "the weather and the vegetation are beautiful things in California." There are some great, lovely things I have found here. My loving boyfriend, who has been a rock for me while I continue to adjust. I've also begun to find myself. Between the casual atmosphere and slower pace, plus the fact that social circles move differently here, I find there's really good opportunity here for me to focus on myself and personal growth. But truth be told, I miss New York liked I've missed nothing else. And I would be lying if I said otherwise.
We just lost our pet. I don't think we'll go there again.
i lied to the jackass who parked his car so that i couldn't open the back passenger door to put the baby inside when i said it was 'no problem.'
i lied to the woman who ALWAYS wants to hold (read: smother) my baby by hugging her close "oh, she's real cranky, maybe next time."
i lied to the stranger who tried to stroke my baby's face the other day. "she doesn't like to be touched on the face." truth is, she's gonna be addicted to facials, i think, since face rubs put her in a trance-like smiley state.
i lie so that i won't offend other people. ridiculous. and i've totally turned into my mother.
I've been lying to myself for too long. He'll change. It will get better. I can't leave now. But it will stop. I'm finally going to leave him. It's going to be hard but the benefits in the end will be worth it.
I think most people like to make themselves feel better, because the feel embarressed about the truth. Whether the lie is big or small depends on the person. But really, no matter how small the lie, it is still a lie and can hurt others.
I lied to my fiance about having a ton of credit card debt. I eventually had to tell him how much debt I was in when we decided to look into buying our first home. He was so upset that I did not tell him, tears literally came down his eyes, (especially since I was completely out of credit card debt less the 4 years ago).
He told me, "he was not upset about the money, just hurt that I lied to him. How would he be able to trust me in the future, if I lied about this then what else can I possibly lie about." I actually thought to myself for a moment and knew he was right.
I tell myself not to charge anything. It is hard at times, but if I want that house and don't want to hurt my fiance, "CASH IS KING".
On 06/18/07, I had Lap_Band surgery. I'm 5'5" tall and, at the time of the surgery, weighed 310 lbs. My hips measured 65" around...I was as big around as I was tall. Can you imagine the magnitude of lies I had to tell myself? Of course my lying arsenal is filled with the usual suspects...I will start my diet tomorrow (or Monday depending on what kind of food prospects lie ahead); I can have Tiramisu, I'll just walk an extra hour on the treadmill (an "extra" hour...I could have probably burned off the dessert had I taken the time to clean off the laundry and boxes the treadmill was storing for me); I've hardly eaten a thing today (lol); I'm doing the low-carb thing (the low-fat thing, fen-phen, weight watchers, nutrisystem...you get the picture). Well, I finally had to resort to drastic measures. I had a lie detector strapped to the upper part of my stomach. Now, if the lie is too big, not easily chewed, is too greasy or starchy I regurgitate it, but down 73 lbs., my lips are sealed!
I just moved out of a house with some very emotionally abusive people. They were often trying to catch me in a lie or look for a a reason to be upset with me. when i finally left, i told them a lie. they wanted to know why I was leaving. i told them that i had a family emergency and needed to go be with my family. Honestly, it didn;'t feel safe for me to talk with them about their behavior, and i don't believe in changing people. if people want to change they will, but i don't like to clean up anyone's mess. I'm ok with this lie because feel when one's emotional, physical or psychological health is in danger and the truth might create more danger, then its ok to do what you need to do to get out of the situation.
I keep telling myself that I don't have social anxiety disorder when, deep down, I know I have it. I refuse to get a job outside the house because I don't want to talk to people. When people ask how my job search is going, I'll tell them that there aren't any jobs to apply for but, in reality, there are plenty of jobs. I just don't want to go to the interview and have to talk to coworkers and customers. I still go out to concerts and talk to people there but for some reason I hate the thought of talking to people every day. This lie is making me look bad because people can see right through it.
I definately think the lies we tell are to protect ourselves, that instinct we have to try and dismiss what is really going on inside us. For me, It is the fact that I am suffering from agoraphobia and need more help than I am getting. But inside I keep telling myself that I am completely normal, or maybe I lie to others because Im ashamed I have to live this way. In the end, no matter how I say it, or how lovely I paint the picture.....It's still a lie.
This is something I have been thinking about alot lately. I think when I am trying to help people and give them advice...I would almost be better off listening to myself and following it. I think it is a way to procrastinate and deflect taking care of the things I need to do.
The little white lies that I tell myself are simply to boast my self-esteem and stroke the deflated ego of a writer on the verge of complete doubt. I have my visions boards, my inspirational quotes taped on the mirrors and the constant encouragement of friends and yet I lie about the committment to the work. I claim that my day job is too consuming, my eyes are tired or that my concentration level is wavering. The truth is I'm afraid of failure and I know I can't fail if I don't put my work out there for the critics, the agents and if I'm lucky the readers. Oh and then the light bulb goes on, the truth rears its ugly head and I realize I'm only lying to myself and as a great man once called out, the truth will set you free. It may also slap you right across the face. So no more lies, no more excuses...at least for this moment.
After the death of my pet I have been telling myself-never again! The pain is too much. Now I am beginning to think life without a pets love is worse.
The lies I keep telling myself are that I'm over my tragedy of an apartment fire. I really thought I had dealt with it mentally, but I'm starting to reconize that I haven't. I still have bad dreams and burts of major depression. I survived an apartment fire back in April and lost all my animals; and belongings. I went to couseling to get help and then stopped going; because I thought that I didn't need it anymore. I've been telling myself I have dealt with it, but NO I HAVEN'T..... I'm still really depressed and when certain songs come on. that remind me of my animals I start crying. I had been lying to myself and family, and friends; telling them that I was better and coping. I'm now getting back into couseling and they have also put me on medicaions to help. I know it may take me some time, but I have to learn and better cope with this tragedy. Thanks for your time. Jennifer Taylor/Buford, GA.
I'm always lying to myself that I will not let people continue to use for my knowledge and not like me for me. However, it never seems to work out that way. I'm getting better but it still continue.
I don't need anyone to love me. One day I will get over not being able to have children. I can be happy alone.
oooops i posted this in the wrong place!!!!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to say i went & saw duran duran when I was 14 in 1984 @ the oakland coliseum, my friends said they never saw someone cry so hard!!!!!!!!!! lol I had great time!! Also going to the premiere of A VIEW TO A KILL & seeing john & andy taylor up close I also cried very hard & seeing grace jones, tanya roberts & rager moore was cool too I think that was in 1985
I lie to myself about myself. I need to lose a lot of weight. I have started to workout 3 times a week but it does not make a difference when you don't change how you eat. I keep saying that I will start a food journal "tomorrow". I also lie to myself and say I feel the best I ever have since I excersice. The truth is I am still over 100 lbs overweight and I feel lousy!!!!
That one day God will bless me and I will no longer have such financial dept that I currently have. Also that my husband will be well, but who's kidding who?
I lie to myself thinking that one day I will grow nice round hips and a butt like Halle, however I will not I remain the only one in my family with a small booty! They say I suffer from a disease called "no-butt-at-all" I am one of the few black woman who has the disease!
What I NEED to do is to exercise more and watch what I eat. I had gestational diabetes twice, and diabetes runs in my family. I weigh 112 pounds and I'm 5'4" tall, so I am at a normal weight, but I have extra fat around my abdomen. The worst kind of fat. So, although I may look healthy and lean, my chance of getting diabetes is high and that scares me.
I think many of us lie to ourselves about our marriages for years. I did. I told myself it wasn't that bad and it might get better. I finally gathered together enough courage and self-respect to get away from the husband that put me down constantly. My marriage may have been a failure, but my divorce was a great success! I moved on to a much better life and eventually a MUCH BETTER HUSBAND!!! Since then I've also changed careers and started offering support to those who can't quite make the commitment to living their best life. Go see www.MidlifeCrisisQueen.com for free assistance in moving on to your BEST LIFE EVER!
I tell myself that I am going to lose weight, then I buy a bigger size and say it's okay. I look in the mirror and do not like what I see, then I look around at others and say they I am not that bad.
I lie to myself when I say it's okay. I know it is not, and I should do something about it. I am not trying to be super thin. This was never my goal, and I have never been thin in my life. I am just trying to stay healthy. Now that I have said it out loud, I think this is the therapy I needed to seriously get started on my weight problem.
I have realized that the move I made to the boonies, where I thought living with my husband would solidfy our relationship was denial..........my old line was "its not where you are, its who you are with" seems like a lie to me now. I love my husband but I hate where I am living. That is the complicated truth.
Vaseline lips - my husband's pet name for me - don't tell me anything you don't want spread around... LOL
i had some bad test results a few years ago. and i feel terrible all the time. but ive had so many problems with my primary care dr.s office i havnt gone back. ive had health issues my whole life, so i dont want to say anything to anyone. im sick of dr.s and tell myself everyday maybe its not something serious. but the way i feel tells me otherwise.
I started losing my hair when I was very young, 14 or so, and it really bothered me growing up. We weren't allowed to wear hats at my high school, so I couldn't hide it. Once I graduated, I started wearing hats all the time and started buzzing my hair every week, and now I've been doing that for years. I don't really see it as lying, but it is hiding something that I think makes me appear less attractive.
What it comes down to is simple, I look more attractive and younger when I wear a hat, so I almost always wear one.
For several months now my health hasn't been very good but I don't want to go to the doctor because I'm afraid of what I'm going to find out so I just keep telling myself and my husband that I'm okay but I know I'm not, my legs and feet have been swollen, retaining water, blistering and scaring for several months now, everyone in my family thinks it might be diabetes, god, I hope not, I'm only 29, that's also what I keep telling myself. I've been doing some research and found out that it could be a thyroid problem or a number of awful things. I'm really just trying to find a home remedy, and with a little hope and a dash of faith it will all go away, but I don't think it's gonna be that easy. My husband is ready to knock me out and drag me to the doctor because I won't go, I've had a few, real bad experiences with doctors and there are some doctors that just don't care or can't figure out what's wrong with you. Why waste my time, they are just gonna take my money and give me pills!!!
I tell myself smoking is cheap therapy when my job at a residential facility for adults with mental retardation is too much. Not the residents, for the most part, they are the best aspect of my job. It's the administration ... and one night it seemed to come down to starting to smoke and, oh say, beating my head against a wall. On the other hand, I'm one year younger than my father was when he passed away and a quick check of my blood pressure earlier read 162/103 ... so maybe this "therapy" isn't so "cheap" after all....
Even though I've been good about exercising, I still need to lose some weight. I think I'm doing okay until I catch a glimpse of my caboose in the mirror at the gym or see the lady with the broad backside in the changing room & realize it's me. I am a work in progress. I'm getting toned up, but still have work to do.
The lie I most recently have been telling myself is that I can keep up with the younger crowd. I work as a volunteer for a political campaign. I do voter registration at public events and most recently in clubs where many young people hang. I often end up dancing and partying with them till 2 am. It's the next morning as I try and get out of bed that I tell myself that lie "Gee! I must have slept wrong" when I know damn well that it's the dancing and hanging out all night (like I used to be able to do) after a long day at the bazaar or fairground. But several Excedrin Back and Body pills later I do it all again. Crap, I can't wait till Election Day in November.
I ran into someone I had not seen for years whom I knew had thought I was too bohemian. He was from a family very successful in business and was himself successful in business. I told him I was married and that my husband and I had a business that was doing well. In fact, I was now divorced from my husband and our business had failed. To this day, I don't know why I lied to impress this man whom I hadn't seen for 20 years and would not see again.
I'm extremely independent. I grew up with a single mother when it was not "pc" to be a single mother. She raised my brother and I without any support whatsoever, and taught me never to need or depend on a man. I got married last year at 37, and realized that my entire adult life I've been lying to myself about needing a man. I need my husband. Not to provide for me financially, I'm well equipped to do that. But I need him as my best friend, my support, and my protector from those gross spiders in the bathtub. It's kind of nice to know that I'm not going through this thing called life all alone - I do have someone to depend on - and it's okay. (Only don't tell my husband).
Staying quiet instead of saying something when I disagree is a secret and a lie that I keep. I'm not confidant that I can articulate my feelings without upsetting people sometimes, so I remain silent. I don't want to do this anymore. My feelings and opinions are valuable and I'll never get any better at articulating them if I don't speak up. Thanks for the opportunity to confess.
Most of the lies I've told myself have had to do with the men I've convinced myself were right for me. Only after the relationship (or crush) ended in a train wreck would I (usually much, much later), hit my head with the proverbial back of my hand and wonder, "What the hell was I thinking?"
"I'm not turning into my mother."
Unfortunately, I lied a lot as a kid. "No, Mom, I don't drink. I don't smoke. I got home on time." Luckily, I grew out of it and lie a lot less as an adult. The lies I tell today are lies that are designed to protect people. "Yes, your new haircut looks great. No...you did a really good job on that project." I figure it's better to lie if you have to in order to avoid hurting someone's feelings.
If you have kids, there are certain "lies" that you have to tell. When all the madness was happening with 9/11- my dog had a heart attack and died. He was at my Grandma's house, so it was easy to not tell my daughter until AFTER 9/11- and they had that test to see how well the school is doing. So we told her he died in October. It's on of those things that had to happen and no harm was intended and to this day she doesn't know.
I'm kind of breaking the rules, as the lie was told to me. When I was little, I was the only blonde-haired, blue-eyed person in my whole family, including my extended family. My sister, who was 4 years older than me, told me it was because I was adopted. For 4 years I believed this to be true. She also told me that I couldn't tell my parents I knew, because they'd send me back (as they had done with the others)... Horrible, I know!! So, when my little brother was born, with blonde hair and blue eyes and a VERY strong resemblance to me, I finally asked my parents who told me that I was in fact, their biological daughter, and told my sister that it would be her fault that I'd probably end up in therapy for years!!
I don't lie. I've been too damaged by others' lies in the past, and see tremendous value in the truth, no matter how painful it may be. At least it's real.
However, I once told a lie to protect myself, and ended up damaging myself and learning a valuable lesson in the proces. In college I was desperately poor, and began waitressing. The restaurant manager was a coked-out pig, and told me if I didn't go out with him I wouldn't be getting many shifts. Needless to say, I quit. Shortly thereafter, I lucked into an interview at an on-campus bar that would've paid me very well. The owner asked about other places I'd worked. Afraid I'd sound like a problem employee if I said I'd quit the other restaurant after just a few weeks because I was sexually harassed, I simply said I hadn't been working. But, one of his new employees had also quit the other restaurant, and had told the owner I'd worked there. He knew about the other manager's antics, but didn't hire me because I lied.
We all lie--or most of us who don't have some sort of specific neurological condition do. It seems as if most lies are all about avoidance. Avoiding trouble, avoiding conflict, avoiding difficult feelings, avoiding a power struggle, avoiding hurting someone, avoiding hurting ourselves. As a kid, I lied to stay out of trouble (not that I did anything all that wicked!), to avoid blame. There was much more active lying, then. As an adult, I find that the lies are more often lies of omission. . .failing to say something, usually to avoid some unpleasantness or a confrontation I just can't handle at the moment. Proud of myself for it? Not on your life.
I lie every day. I tell myself I'm a happy person, in a happy marriage, with a happy life. HA! Then I go about trying to create that lie.
I think we all lie absolutely every day. Seriously. Who has ever said "fine!" when asked how they are doing today? And how many times are you in the midst of a family crisis, a job crisis, a health crisis or some other kind of crisis? Me? Just about every time I say I'm doing fine. Then there are days when people you love very much ask you if you can tell they have lost weight, or do you like their new haircut. Why would you want to hurt someone you care deeply for? you don't, so you say "of course I can tell, your face looks alot thinner!" or "I love the cut, I think it is really flattering on you!" None of these are vicious lies but they are lies nonetheless.
Now have I ever viciously lied? Um yes. I once lied and said i went to work when I actually hadn't. I think I was just trying to rebel against my boyfriend always knowing what I was doing. He found out and he was pissed. If I hadn't lied in the first place, there would have been no problem. Vicious lies cause angst and trouble
I hate when someone "backs you into a corner" and basically FORCES you to tell a lie- or a little white lie, at least. You then have no choice. It's hurt that person, or someone else, or be forced to lie.
Why do people do that?
Little white lies are sometimes okay but lying to yourself is the most damaging of all.
I try so hard not to lie, but sometimes I just find myself doing it. It really bugs me.
I'm sure every single person lies at least once a day - and if you dont think YOU lie, well, you're just lying to yourself, lol.
Gee, everyone lies. Sometimes we lie because it saves time, sometimes because it saves someone's feelings. Most lies are innocuous. There is a big difference between the little lies that help people and the big lies that hurt people.
I guess my biggest problem is to be happy in my new apt.. I think I must lie and say I like it, when I'd prefer to live in a house. But I'm stuck here and must make the best of it.
Yes, you DO look fat. No, I don't like your new haircut. I had a lousy time at your party. No one wants to hear these hurtful comments. Do you want this kind of brutal honesty, at your expense? Choose your words wisely; they define who you are.
Ah and isn't it always easier to see the lies that others tell themselves than our own?
D
I agree with Jessica I think it is okay to tell a little white lie in order to spare someones feelings. I do however, always advise somone if what they are wearing or doing will make them look silly in the long run.
I think some lies are a normal part of life like saying you're fine when someone asks how you are, if I was to really go into depth about every misfortune currently occurring in my life I'm betting nobody would ask me that question anymore. Lies to spare someone's feelings are also ok in my book. Any lies that have the potential to hurt someone are unacceptable.
Sometimes , the truth hurts. You have to decide if telling someone the awful truth is worth the pain , for you and for them.
I think all lies have an impact, "white lies" that are apparent breeds distrust among people - something small can be very damaging.
I couldn't make it through the day with at least a dozen cases of self deception. But if it gets me out the door and on with life, then a greater good has been served.
We're ALL guilty of both the occasional untruth, no matter how small, and some of us are great with whoppers, too. People who talk about hating LIARS and loudly declare how honest they are, I feel, are the least trustworthy people we'll encouter. When people proclaim: "I can't lie... I just don't have it in me", or "I'm a terrible liar", or "I'm a Christian so I never lie (or cheat, or smoke, or drink, etc etc)", I move them to my life watch-list of folks I won't trust with much of anything.
It's alot like the cheating spouse who accuses an innocent partner of engaging in the same activity to deflect suspicion. It's all just a big cover for insecurity and guilt, and it's a lie.
Id love to read that book. I do wish I did not have to keep other peoples darker secrets, but keeping secrets means that I am trustworthy to that person. I think that is important. I do sometimes think about my lies and secrets. Especially the lies I tell myself. It is an amazing part of human nature.
Oh what a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive.
Who is kidding who? We all lie but the seriousness of the lie, that is the answer. Does someone lie for their own personal gain, then there are the people who lie to protect something or someone else. Then there are those "little white lies"......the ones people do only because they "think" the truth would be alot worse(ex: Oh that dress looks great on you.), when in fact if the person was told the truth, she would take it like someone was attacking her. All in all, there is only one person who has never lied & that is the good Lord above. For the rest of us, I guess you can pick what "type" of liar you really are.
Unfortunately it is true. We all lie about something, even when we do not want to admit that we do. We justify it by saying, its a little lie, or its just a white lie. Not really sure what a little white lie is, exactly. I do admit that I lie when I don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Am I doing justice, not really sure. Personally, when I ask a persons opinon , I really do want to no the truth. I think we all tell little lies to save other peoples feelings or to avoid an argument that just can't be won. Even though I ask for the truth, the big question is, am I really able to accept and hear the truth?
Another word for lie to a lot of people is "rationalization"
I have been paying attention to the lies I tell myself about me. When I focus on being honest with myself or taking a good look at the reason I lied or rationalized, then I know when I am disconnecting from real feelings. Those uncomfortable ones that feel 'less than', 'not good enough', or 'unacceptable' are the ones I am keying in on to catch myself and stop believing the doubts and fears behind them. Perspective on the 'whole truth' gives me a bigger window to view what I am lying about and reframe it honestly.
When I change that internal dialog and see the big picture, the reason for lying dissipates. I can live in a place where the truth isn't feared, but is instead, a warm light of day. That inner sense of acceptance that replaces judgment can then be extended to those around me. It stops the viral lying that tries to gloss over truth weighed with a crooked scale. Instead I can see things in the big picture and more accurately balance the good and the bad as my truth.
Hi, I've encountered so many types of LIARS!!! I'm beggining to wonder if these people believe in GOD!!!!!!!
Being human, I think we all lie about something at one time or another. I know I am guilty. I try not to lie about anything that is really important or serious. I believe it is acceptable to tell white lies as not to hurt other's feelings. Usually though, honesty is the best policy!
I moderate a women's group where we share our "lies" in the safety-net of unconditional love while doing so... this is the only way to experience real love. It is true, "You can't give what you don't have!" And, regretfully, most people have never experienced the kind of love that is "Real." This sharing is not "driveby healing." Yet, this sharing is the only way to understanding and innerpeace. For soooo long we've not even allowed ourselves to explore our truths. Now, we have a channel to experience the one thing that everyone is looking for, yet too few of us has found, real love. I challenge you, my sisters, to read "Real Love" by Dr. Greg Baer. It's time we rise above fear and learn how to love. Imitation love is like any other addiction: it leaves you empty and afraid. Fear is a great tool to keep you "spending." However, love and fulfillment is the only path to peace. If it's going to Be, it's up to Me--The bell tolls for thee!
Yeah, I totally consider the lie I do or might tell. For every lie, whether it be a white lie or one that is more serious, I think about how it could come back to bite me in the ass. I tend not to tell lose kind of lies...most of the time!
yeah but don't we all lie? its human nature.
I have lied to myself about my feelings for others. There have been times when I have been boiling mad and I said I was okay, knowing full well I was about to explode. Even though I said I was okay or the infamous "fine" others around me knew something was wrong by my body language. I am learning to check why sometimes I get so angry with others. Maybe I am really angry about something else or myself for doing something similar to what they are doing at the time.
My sister is a habitual liar, she goes overboard with this, it's hard to know when she's really telling the truth. If theres one thing I hate more is someone who is lying through their teeth and can actually stand there and tell me that this is the truth. What possess these people to do this?
The worst lying around 'us' right now is the 'ignore it and it'll go away' kind. My dad's alcoholism hasn't gotten any better by us letting him carry on and forgive him every time he's horrible to us, it just keeps getting worse. Finally making the decision that calling the cops on him was a hard decision, but now that it's finally happened his problem is in his face, we're worrying less about if he'll be the drunk driver to kill the next carful or when he's gonna 'blow'. Perpetuating the anger, sadness, depression, low self esteem, hurt and faking the smiles and happiness is only making it worse and that's all our lies have done now for YEARS.
Lying to soften the blow, pathologically, by omission or whatever it is at some point only breaks our hearts in one way or another. Live in the moment, be honest about that moment and love the moment and we shouldn't have a reason to lie about it... God bless y'all~~
When it comes to friends and family asking my opinion on things like weight, clothing, hairstyles, etc. I don't necessarily think I'm lying if I sort of soften the blow. I think of it as being diplomatic. If it's something serious though I will be honest even if I know it's going to hurt the other person. In the long run it's usually the best way to go.
that is true, I just never took time to think about it. I guess in all honesty I am a Lazy Procrastinator
My sister is a pathological liar. I just hate it. She's so worried about what she has to say, she just doesn't listen.
Ya, I lie to myself too. It's just good ole procrastinating. I need to get in shape at 50 years old and get off my butt.
Yea I'm liar, I had a heart attack and I keep telling myself that I don't have time to exercise and this one bad meal won't kill me but I know that every time I say that I am a step closer to death.
I have a friend who doesnt believe almost any thing I say. I have to be very careful when talking to her.
My body needs calcium so I will have that hot fudge sundae!
I lied about cheating on my husband when he knew it, he later became very ill and I attributed it to chating on him.It did irreperable harm to our marriage
I too grew up with an enormous liar, my mother, so it became especially important to me to live with truth in my life. However, in reading what you said, I realize there is surely more to it, although sometimes smaller if that can be -- wearing those spanx, raving over a drawing of one of my children (which although they are so special -- I'm not always quite sure what they are!) and I suppose the list goes on. I think sometimes, while I can't remember the exact quote -- it is somewhere in the line of what is better, a lie (albeit a small one) that brings a smile or a truth that brings a tear?
I grew up with a Habitual liar for a mother and my sister picked up the habit. So now I have a strong aversion to anyone I catch in a lie, I lose repest for them instantaniously. I will even cause a breakup no matter how trivial the lie. I myself have stewed sleepless nights at times when I've know telling someone might not be the way to go, but refusing to lie. If they don't ask the question, I'll be fine.
I once knew a pathalogical liar (albeit, my ex-roommate). She lied so much that she even admitted being a liar like it was no big deal. It got to the point that I couldn't stand being around her, and that every single thing that came out of her mouth I could count on being a lie, and couldn't believe even the simplest of things that she would say. I'd like to think that most people are honest, and if anything, my past experiences with liars, (whom, by the way, I no longer have anything to do with) have enabled me to see through a liar early on, so that I don't get burned, and can associate with people who are worthwhile.
I agree with Amelia... I lie to myself more than to others. I think that sometimes lying to yourself keeps you from trying to change yourself for the better.
I think the most interesting thing about lying is karma. What goes around comes around and there's just no escaping it. Lying about something is supressing or skirting the truth, which just makes it want to reach the light of day all the more. When you lie you activate the "what you resist, persists" law of the universe, because a lie is just another form of resisting the truth. Every time I've told a big lie it - usually these start with deceiving even myself - it has come back to bite me and I've had to pay the piper. Like lying about hidden credit card debt to my husband. I just hope the payback for keeping Santa Claus alive and well to my 11 year old isn't too harsh when the day comes!
I believe that being true to yourself and whoever you are with is the real test. Lies are only going to explode in your face if you keep on needing to play catch up with your lies. be true to your self because that is how God made you. Don't try to build on or try to take away your natural beauty. Karen Mulhern
I think there are alot of lies we tell others and ourselves that we NEED to. If a friend asked me if the new dress she absolutely just had to have looked fabulous on her, would I be wrong to say yes it does? I don't think so. However I don't lie about the truly important things. We also lie to our kids whether we consider it lying or not. We tell them there is a Santa Claus and they had better be good, the tooth fairy will come, that babies come from storks, etc. It's when the lies become a way of life that there is a problem. I consider myself a very honest person but I have done all of the above. However if my husband asked me if I did something he didn't want me to, I would not lie to him. I still can't lie to my parents even though I am almost 45. It's life and we all do it whether we admit it or not. Does that mean we are all liars? Absolutely not!!!
When I began grad school I wanted a certain big time researcher (we'll call him Dr. Famous Scientist) to be my PhD adviser. Thing is, so did my good friend, and I didn't want the competition- my friend was a better student that me. I knew he could only take on one student to support for 5 years, so I lied to my friend and told him that I spoke with Dr. Famous Scientist and he told me he wasn't taking any students at all. And then I had a real meeting with Dr. Famous Scientist and he agreed to be my adviser.
My friend never figured out that I lied. But he works in the lab right next door. A constant reminder for the next 4-6 years that I told a lie to get where I wanted to be.
I think the lies we tell to ourselves ar ethe most injurious. We play negative mental tapes, we convince ourselves that everything is OK when it isn't. I was once in an abusive relationship and convinced myself it was my fault. Right now I am grieving the loss of my mother and I tell myself I am going to be OK. It doesn't feel that way.
I lie to myself every day. Telling myself I don't love him when I know I do and can't live without him.
6 years ago I gave birth to a child that I put up for adoption. I hid the pregnancy from most of my family and decided to never tell them. I decided at that time that the truth would hurt more. Now, I have to face those people and want so badly to be honest with them but I'm afraid.
I really try to live my life honestly but that's the big one.
Some lies are ok - there is nothing wrong with choosing not to hurt someone's feelings
The biggest lies I tell are to myself. I resolve to "stay on track" with my eating and then go order pizza. I am trying to get better about just being honest about my intentions. I don't need to be virtuous all the time, so there's no shame in just admitting to wanting to go get a treat.
When I answer the phone, if it's for me, I always lie & say that "she's not here" so I don't have to talk to salespeople, telemarketers, or whomever it is.
I lie to my in-laws every time they call with reasons we can't come over and I blame it all on my husband. It's a small thing, but it still makes me feel guilty.
I believe that it is impossible to never lie. However, I do try to keep my experiences to just "little white lies" - things that I do and say to stop myself from hurting someone else's feelings. They are still lies, but the intentions behind them are good.
My (gay) friend and I have are liveing a current lie - one night out he told the bartender that we used to be married. It seemed innocent & ridiculous enough, but the bartender believed it and we kept it going all night. Turns out, the bartender was gay too, and used to be married so he was curious how we were able to get along so well, after, you know, being married, divorcing and my dealing with him being gay. As the vodka flowed, so did our story. We left that night - not coming clean and figuring nothing of it - until we met up with the bartender again and he had more questions for us regarding our "relationship." We didn't have the nerve to tell him the truth so we just went with it and here we are now, almost 2 years later, and even more people believe that we were once married. We've even had people try to "get us back together" because we make such cute couple. How do we go back now?? I guess, maybe if I win - I'll buy a round of drinks and come clean?
i tell my mom i'm broke when she wants to go to the casino - because she wants to go every day - it's very sad
I always tell people that its no problem when they drop last minute "favors" on me, when really it makes me feel like everyone just assumes I don't have anything better to do. I would love to say no I'm not busy, but I just don't feel like watching your kids today.
I keep no secrets. If you can't talk about it maybe it is time to change.
I'm really bad about saying that my phone was upstairs charging and I didn't hear it ring when in truth, I actually just don't want to talk to whoever it is calling me at the time.
I used to only do the polite lies - no your butt doesn't look big & no I don't think you have cancer - but you know what? I decided I wasn't helping anyone that way so now I just ask if someone REALLY wants to know what I think when they ask me and if they do - then I tell them. I'm in my 50's and I just got to feeling like life was too short and too important to me to want to play any more games.
Generally, I think the only lies I tell are out of politeness--"no, I think your hair looks great like that" or to protect my kids--"no, Mommy & Daddy won't die for a long, long time." I do use self-tanners; so in a way, that's a lie, I guess, though I admit as much to close friends.
I never tell anyone exactly how much I've spent on an item. I always say a little less. Sometimes its' not but a dollar or two but it's always less. I don't know why I do it . I've often wondered why.
About my body image. That my pant "shrunk" in the dryer instead of facing the fact that I gained 5 pounds.
I was sitting next to a hot guy on a flight once and a conversation began. He naturally asked what I did for a living, and I replied that I was still in school. He asked which school, and I, embarassed at the fact that I was still in junior college replied, UC Santa Barbara. Well, this seemed to impress him at first, until the conversation progressed and he proceeded to ask what my school mascot was. I had no flippin' idea and tried to bluff my way out of the question. He immediately saw what I was - a momentary liar - and proceeded to scoot as far away as his seat belt would allow. The rest of the flight was just purely painful and I realized junior college wasn't such a bad place to be after all.
This makes me so incredibly sad to read these comments. Hugs for all of us!
I'll start Monday...oh, I know that one all too well. My mother was a sad case at times. She would go to a fast food joint and order two sodas because she got so much food, she didn't want the drive thru people to think she was eating all that. It's tough.
I don't believe that really anything that adds to your beauty inner or outer is per se telling a lie, any different than wearing black because it has a slimming effect on your figure. I believe that too many people say harmful words to people these days. My momma always said if you can't say something nice its better to say nothing at all, so if someone asks and you tell them a lie to spare their feelings its like saying nothing at all.
I had a tummy tuck about three years after my triplets were born. I had tried very hard to lose the extra skin the natural way (working out, dieting) but at 36 it was really hard. I never told any of my family, fearing that my sisters would be judgmental and never give me credit for getting back in shape; and fears of being called "vain." Although I'm very open about it with my local friends, my out of town family will never hear it from me! Thus, it's a lie of omiission!
i do tend to lie quite a bit. sometimes it's just better to say a little lie than to hurt someone's feelings. it's also easy to lie to myself. sometimes it's easier to lie to make yourself feel better, but it really doesn't do much to fix a problem if you have it. for myself i know it can be easy to lie and say everything is alright than face the truth that things aren't alright.
Telling people things will be okay. I only tell white lies to save their feelings.
By avoiding dealing with the lil nasty truths of life: ageing, weight gain, etc we are being less than honest with ourselves. And this is one of the wors tlies we can commit because it keeps us from accepting & coping, thus empowering us to survive!
I've noticed that I mostly just lie to myself to make myself feel better about things in my life that aren't going so well. The stupid part is I believe myself, which leads to even more problems. It's a protective mechanism, I suppose.
Mostly by telling people something is all right when it really is not.
I only tell small lies that prevent hurt feelings like, "No your butt doesn't look big in those jeans," or Your child is just a little angel."
My grandma used to make a heartfelt but pointless effort to give me presents. One years, she bought me a housedress that old ladies wear when cleaning, and I was only a young girl at the time. It had a bright floral design and came down below my knees. I had to thank her and try it on. What else could I do? I got gifts like this one every year, and was always grateful and polite, but I would discreetly pass them on. RIP, grandma. I hope there are nice shops in heaven.
The only time I knowingly tell a lie is when it would hurt the other person's feelings. I am pretty easy going and I just don't like to hurt someone's feeling and make them feel sad.
I discovered chatrooms about 9 years ago, when I got my first computer. I had no intention of every meeting anyone from Cyber Land so basically everything I told anyone I chatted with about myself was a complete and total LIE. And then I started chatting with a gorgeous young man who lived across the country. Our online chat moved to phone chat which turned into I love you chat and I want to meet you chat... and by that time I had told so many lies about myself that I had NO idea how to come clean. (For example: I told him I was 4 years older than him when in reality? It was more like 10.) When it came time to meet, I had NO idea what to say... but when he saw me he never questioned my age or anything else. We had been living (together almost 2 years when I finally told him the truth (he moved from NY to CA to be with me). He was so hurt it almost cost me my relationship. It had a happy ending, though... we've been married 3 years now.
In many cases, I honestly wish I had lied - the truth has cost me plenty. I am too blunt at times and the region of the country where I've lived for the past decades prefers sugar-coating everything and talking behind people's backs. When I am lied to, or worse yet, lied about, I strike back with brutal honesty.
Looking back, I think most of the lies I've told have been lies that I've told to myself, to make me feel like less of a doormat. I'm great with a witty comeback to something said on TV or in the movies; absolutely can't pass up an opportunity to make a catty remark (always under my breath of course) about someone sporting an odd hairdo or hideous attire, whatever; but let me be on the receiving end of a snotty remark, snub or outright insult and I CLAM RIGHT UP every time. I end up replaying the conversation over and over in my head afterwards (only in my mind I'm able to get off the PERFECT zinger) so many, many times that I usually convince myself that that's how things REALLY happened. Lame and sad, I know, but it works for me.
I usually lie when I don't want to hurt someone's feelings llike when someone get the worst haircut you've ever seen and you tell them it looks fine.
I think we all tell little lies to save other peoples feelings or to avoid an argument that just can't be won. Actually, as long as the lie is not about cheating people or breaking the law or hurting people I think lies are a positive part of life.
When you work with the public, lying is a way of life. "I'm fine." "No, I don't mind." "That's what we're here for."
I lied in kindergarten, in a contest for Valentine's Day. I cut out a little pink heart and stuck it in a book in the library. Whoever had found the hearts in the books would win a prize. I lied and said I had found a heart because I wanted the prize that badly. The prize? A box of cracker jack. They knew I cheated so they called my mother to come pick me up. She worked all the way downtown and had to leave work to get me. She was so mad, I can remember her face like it was yesterday. All for a little prize in the bottom of the a box of cracker jack.
I was lied to myself on Sunday night when I told myself I could forgive my boyfriend for grabbing me around the neck in a fit of drunken rage. I'm the girl who never thought this would happen to her. And we talked about it and he cried but I can't stop seeing that look on his face, in his eyes the desire to hurt me. I told him I felt betrayed: truth. I told him I'd never set a hand in any way other than lovingly: truth. I wept like he'd finally broken my heart: truth. But I told him I forgived him and I haven't and I lied. And now I'm going to wonder every time he touches me if it's lie, and every time he tells me he loves me it's a lie. The next time we argue, will I flinch? The next time he sweeps my hair away my neck will he remember that he wrapped his hands around it like he wanted not just my heart, but my lungs and my breath? If I try to tell myself that I will eventually forget, am I lying to myself yet again?
I have a couple of funny lies I used to tell when I was younger. My maiden name is Youngblood, so I used to tell people that my dad was the drummer for the 60's band, The Youngbloods.
The other lie also involved my father. When I was in Junior High, he had to travel a lot with his job. One night at youth group (yep, folks, I lied at church!) I told everyone that the reason he was out of town all of the time was because he was Nazi hunter and he was off chasing and arresting old Nazis.
Looking back on that I have NO idea what made me say that or even where the idea came from, but it does make me laugh. I'm an actor so I consider those little lies to be part of my improv training! :)
I suppose everyone lies to themselves at some point, but I sure try hard to keep it real. I think the only real lies I tell are the little white ones; when a co-worker or someone you don't know very well asks if you like their new hair cut or outfit and you really don't but say you do! When I'm asked that question by a close friend, I try very hard to answer honestly, without actually hurting their feelings. I think honesty is very appreciated, for the most part.
I think everyone has little mental lies inside thier own head, a way to bend reality to fit thier own image of themselves. I am a much better person in my dreams than in reality, and I am aware of that fact but don't always acknowledge it. However, I am not a terrible person and I don't have any deep dark secrets. I think the lies I tell myself are the same as the lies we tell others. The little white lies that stop feelings from being hurt or help boost a fragile ego. The "you look fine" or "you did great" lies when you actually mean "you could look and do better". I am not going to brand anyone with contempt for a little white lie, I save that for the BIG liars in the world (IE. lawyers and politicians).
I lie to myself daily when I say that I'd be ok if I never have a baby. (I want it more than anything..) I lie when I say that I'm ok with the fact that I will be 35 in 3 months and have yet to get pregnant. (I thought I'd have 3 by now...) I lie to friends and family when they ask me to go shopping and I tell them I am no feeling well. The truth is that I hate to go with them because they don't have to shop in the plus size section and I can never find anything that fits or looks good on me and they don't understand the frustration. I fake illness every so often so that I can get a break from work, church, whatever... I've lied about not feeling good on a Sunday morning because I couldn't find anything that didn't look like a circus tent on me. I tell lies (big and small) to cover up the things that I don't want others to see or know about me. Only my best friend knows all my deepest secrets. She totally gets me. I'm SO in need of a girls weekend.
Probably my most prevalent lie is about housecleaning. I hate to clean and so embelish the little bit I've done or say "I just cleaned that on _____; how can it be dirty already?" If only housecleaning were more interesting or had a really big payoff---like losing 5 lbs every time you cleaned the bathroom!
I lie to my whole family when I say I like going to church. I believe in God and I try to live a life that will be pleasing to him BUT I wish I could stay in bed on Sundays. My husband and I work and we have three children. We don't have one day when we can just sleep late or lounge. Saturday is filled with cleaning and getting ready for the next week. I need a day of rest but I have to get up at the crack of dawn to go to church. I HATE IT!
I told my father I had a new position at my old New Jersey company which would take me to New York (where he lived) every Friday. The truth was that I was anxious about my 91-year-old dad's health, and felt I needed to spend more time with him. I took a "family leave" at my job to work four days a week at a 20% reduction in salary. The lie went on for two years until he died, and I got to come into the city for lunch with him every week. I would, of course, take "business calls" periodically, to show him I was working. One Thursday, I was asked to go into New York and do a brief segment with a group of cancer survivors on "Good Morning America." And so I happened to be in New York at midnight when his housekeeper phoned my cell to say that he had just collapsed and I should come at once. Because of the lie, I was with him in the ER when he died. To this day, I support lying wholeheartedly!
Sometimes lies are what is expected -- especially when someone wants something from you. They don't like to hear "no".
Now that I am in the midst of therapy, most of my life seems a lie. Trying to be "normal", trying to figure out what to do and say, how to act...now I have shattered my life and am in the beginning of putting together what might just be my first "real" life ever.
I didnt stop to think about lying before,I guess weve all lied at some time or another whether we mean to or not to keep from hurting someones feelings,we see someone with a ugly baby an we say its cute,is that so wrong if it does no harm,you tell them oh my what a ugly child an they are hurt an mad an you have lost a friend an you feel bad too,I usually forget about those little lies I have told,the big ones,I try to ask forgivenes for,an I have had some biggies that have really hurt people,that I am ashamed of now,but you cant go back an have a redo so you go forward an hope you learned NOT to do that again,my husband an I are moving 1200 miles due to his job closing ,so i have to drive a truck an him the uhaul,im on disability an have never driven that far before,we had to use our stimus check for the rental,I dont think I can make the drive,but I havent told my husaband Im going to try,Is that a lie?We have to go,Ive got to try,we cant afford to stay,
I guess that one of the worse lies is the one that I repeatedly tell my husband that I truely love deeply and dearly. The medication that I take for anxiety and depression really makes it difficult for me to have an orgasm if at all. I don't want to stop being intimate with my husband so I tell him that I don't mind if I don't get satisfied. It actually bothers me very much, but there isn't a whole lot I can do. I can't go off of the medication and his efforts to satisfy me by any means possible, just don't work. He really does try his heart out. I don't want to start faking it, so I just tell him that it's ok that I am not getting satisfied. I just end up crying alone each time afterwards where he can't see me. Life is cruel sometimes and we have to make those judgement calls to save our relationships that mean the most.
I suppose a lie is a lie no matter how you try to justify it. I Tell my best friend im not inlove with him, though im sure he knows its a lie. I tell myself im not inlove with him, though im sure that is also a lie. But the worst lie of all is the self depricating thoughts that im not good enough and that love isn't real at all. The persona that i dont feel the pain and im just a cynic. . . Thats i lie i tell myself everyday. A lie is a lie, and its a sad truth to admit.
My mom has Alzheimer's and has changed from a vivacious, gorgeous, brilliant woman to a cruel, bitchy, unreasonalble, vacant zombie who is in a great deal of emotional pain and misses her dead husband and her old life terribly. I lie when I say that I'll be sorry when she dies.
oh goodness when I was younger my girlfriends and I would each say we were sleeping at the others house so that we could be out all night causing trouble
when i was a jr in high school, my gfs and i went to the beach with one of our families. my girls and i went out and got drunk with some guys on our first night there, and when we came home, i had to throw up. my friends mom heard me, and tried to bust us for drinking. being brilliant, i lied to her, and told her i was throwing up because i was pregnant. i'm not sure how she could have believed me, since we were all glassy eyed, unsteady on our feet, and reeking of screwdrivers made with cheap vodka, but she launched into a huge sympathy speech about how boys are only after one thing, and how sorry she was for me. to this day, i still don't know if she only let us off because i was so ballsy to lie that big, but we didn't get in trouble and had a wonderful rest of the week at the beach!
If I'm lying just by putting on make up and my damm bra then my pants must be on fire!!
I haven't been telling lies but I have been keeping secrets for some friends of mine....some of which could hurt certain parties involved.
When I was 16, I sneaked out the window to meet a boy but got busted by my mom on the way back inside - at 4 AM. I lied and told her I'd taken a walk around the block because "I had cramps." She bought it. From this experience, I learned that people will buy "cramps" as an excuse for just about anything.
Everyone has many things in their past that they never mention because it would change other peoples perspective of them. This doesn't mean that they're lying because they (you and I) have changed into the person that we are now. As long as we forgive ourselves for any wrong doing and are now living life true and are honest with those that we are with now nothing in the past matters...the past is the past.
I usually try to be true to people, unless it would really hurt their feelings. There is also a thin line between lieing and dancing around the subject. I am a professional with dancing around the subject. But so far I try to live a very truthful life.
I lie to my husband about not smoking. Only because he is unreasonable about it.
I lied to my boyfriend that I hadn't slept with anyone else before we were exclusive. I figure, he was lying, why should I admit to anything? We weren't exclusive!!
I lie to myself every day when I say that my son still loves us. Not a good lie, but sometimes it helps.
I lied to myself.
I told myself that I would not fall in love and that we were just friends.
I lie to myself when I think I can stop thinking about him. The “what if’s” are strong enough to stop freight trains and scary enough to stop crimes in their tracks.
I lied to myself when I thought I could control my heart, my thoughts and my emotions. I got carried away.
What did I lean from my lie?
I am married to the wrong person, the person that that I long for, I cannot have and I should not have and sometimes it is just like that.
That your soul mate might belong to another person, but the right and honorable thing to do is walk away. Lives are at stake.
When I was in grad school I was perpetually broke. I had a friend who worked for a company that conducted focus groups which paid well depending on the product they were testing. I would probably have to lie about something in order to participate (owning a car, having a dog,...). So one night I get home to a voicemail asking me to show up at his office at 1pm for a focus group but he doesn't mention the product. I show up and am ushered into a big board room with a group of women by a sharply dressed woman in a navy blue suit. She welcomes us to the focus group for a new television channel for the gay and lesbian community. Problem: I'm not a lesbian. Over the course of 2 hours we were asked our thoughts and views on current media. I was sweating and spent the entire time stuffing my face with cookies and racking my brain for gender neutral tv shows. By the end of it I vowed to donate the entire amount to a women's cause and got asked out on a date by a woman named Hero.
I told my boyfriend (now husband) that I had a big inheritence coming my way. I was just showing off and had no plans of dating him long term. Well, now we are married and about a year ago I had to come clean...it was not fun. Thinking about telling him the truth kept me up at night with stomache aches. I'm glad I came clean and that he forgave me for the lie.
Even as an adult I still lie to my mother--mostly because I live so far away and I don't want her to worry about me--I lie more by omitting information than making something up.
One lie I continue to tell others about a certain guy in my life is that "we are just friends" because they know that the relationship is going nowhere. I lie because I don't want to admit to them that I am still hanging on and listen to their lectures about how I deserve so much more and being with him is keeping me from meeting others. I know they are right, but I'm not ready.
I can count the times I have lied on 1 finger. Okay that's a lie. To be honest, I lie the most when i think people would judge me (read: when I am late), when every time something or someone else causes me to be late my friends ALWAYS assumed its me. Fine most of the time its me, hence the "5 minutes, I'm just right around the corner" lie. When it comes to lying to myself, I am absolutely a compulsive liar. I am now currently on break until September and have vowed to look for a job/ to hit the gym/ to go on a educate-the-poor trip to Cambodia and I have not even taken the first step to my long-sworn diet, have instead been working the couch-potato sack for more than 2 months now. I hate to admit that procrastination brings out the most devious and conniving liar in me.
One cheeseburger won't hurt..
I lie to myself so I am not afraid or lonely, and I lie to others by saying that I am "just fine"......
When I buy a big bag and chips and say to myself I will only eat a handful. Umm..that never happens
I hate lying because on the rare occasions that I have lied, nothing good ever came out of it. I feel like I am on the other end of the spectrum by being a bit too honest. Sometimes it seems it would be better to not tell the "whole truth" if it makes someone, even myself, feel better.
I sometimes lie to my child about what I did in my youth if it would be admitting to something that I don't want him to do. Somewhat hypocritical, but I don't want him to think it's ok.
I think this book would be very helpful to me in my relationships. I have lied both to myself and to others.
I always fear today will be my last day alive.
Just don't forget to cut yourself a little slack along the way. No one is perfect...
I am afraid of small spaces and of spiders.
I think so far the biggest lie I have told myself is that my life IS manageable the way is is right now. It ISN'T ... and I don't know how to fix it ...
I cannot believe I am admitting this mainly because I hardely admit it to myself. I was dating a man who had vowed to not have sex until marriage. He was gorgeous, a successful artist, independent and incredibly smart. I adored everything about him and absolutely could not keep me hands off him. I told a lie. I told him I was a virgin as well to coax him into sleeping with me with promises of, 'it will be our first time together - we can share this intimate moment and all of its perfection.'
Yes, the 28 year old gorgeous virgin lost his virginity to a lying experienced 'virgin'. I justify it now with 'he deserved it' as in the end I found out he was still into his ex whilst dating me.
Well I can say I don't believe I have ever lied to myself. I may have not been right in my thinking at imes but I was aware of the consequences. I have been lied to so much in my life, I hate it. To me honesty is the most important thing. thank you
For the longest time (18 years to be exact) I've been "lying" about the texture of my hair which is very kinky/coily. Of course it wasn't my fault-- I just went along with my mother straightening my hair when I was a child and continued to do so as a blossomed into adulthood. I always told myself that I loved my natural self since I don't wear makeup or try to enhance my body, but recently it dawned on me that I'm not completely embracing my hair's true texture.
So I made a resolution this year to stop straightening my hair and allow it's real texture to return. Because my hair is chemically processed, it will probably take a year or two before it's completely reverts back to its original state, but so far I'm hanging in there despite complaints and protests from family and friends.
I definitely need to read this book!
The biggest lie I've been telling myself lately, it's not that dirty, I can clean it tomorrow! ;)
Wow, I am going through a similar process in my own life so this sounds like a must read for me. Thanks for making us aware of the newest book. What I am discovering about all my lies to myself is that they really are about my own fear and inability to face that fear. I am looking forward to reading this book.
I try not to set myself up to have to keep a secret for someone. Too much pressure.
I think the worst lie I would tell myself is that my weight is NOT something I can control!
I've convinced myself that I am as young as I look. Hey-- what's a little face lift and some Botox and maybe a little lip plumper Restalyne?
I have a fear of flying and make up stories on why I can't go somewhere. I am trying to overcome this fear, but don't need 'friends' telling me how stupid I am, so I have convinced myself that this is a necessary lie.
I tell myself I will be true to myself then somebody calls for a favor and I say yes!
I lie to myself when I don't call my friends back. I tell myself I'm too busy doing this or that, when really, I just don't feel like talking.
When I was younger I used to lie a lot to make my life seem more interesting, I can admit that now. I was afraid of being ordinary. I lie now sometimes too out of insecurity, like when I wear heels constantly to appear taller. Usually my lies now are to make someone else feel better, like when I tell someone that I'm happy doing this, or yes, that dress looks stunning on you. As far as secrets, I am incredibly loyal to my friends. The one thing that does not fly with me is to put me in an ethical dilemma though, I won't have it. If I'm friends with your husband and you are cheating on him, don't come to me to talk about it. I don't want to know.
BTW, if there are multiple comments from me, I'm so sorry, my computer is giving me SO much trouble right now I have no idea if its going through or not.
I'll get around to it tomorrow. More procrastination than a lie, though.
I only keep secrets for people if they are not malicious and are of no harm to others.
I feel like every time I have ever lied it has come around and bitten my rear eventually. even the small ones. trying now to avoid it at all costs no matter how hard it is.
i would love to win the gift card and that is no lie!
i hate to lie, i've never been any good at it. I dunno i feel so guilty doing it. I want to go so far as to say that i hear a little voice saying i'll go to hell for it. Was raised Catholic. It's a good religion don't get me wrong . .. just the guilt. the one thing i find is easy to lie about is if one of my loved ones needs a little cover up. nothing wrong or illegal just a little white lie.
I've found that I lie most when I want to avoid giving long explanations....but have had several lessons taught to me about how much more involving it can get trying to explain away the lie later on!
I saw a study that shows people lie 26 times per day on average.
I lie when I insist to my wife that diabetes won't get the best of me. I lie when I say I'm trying my best to eat right. I lie when I say "yes, I am exercising". I think if I just lie and ignore it, maybe it will go away.
I "lied" or never told my husband about I guy I dated. My hubby and I met at work, the guy I dated right before him worked at the same company. Why did I lie? I was embarassed, the guy we will call "Bob" I dated was such a dork, walked like he had a carrot stuck up his butt.. I was lonely, it was the holidays, I tried really hard to be with, but was embarassed of him. SO.. fast forward 3 years, my hubby is golfing.. and guess with who.. yeah.. Bob. Moral of the story... don't lie the sh*t will come out eventually..and ya know what ..my hubby could care less!!
I tend to be rather an open book- but of course I am mindful of others feelings. The most deceitful thing do is look interested ;)
I also am the type of person that try to spare people's feeings when they ask me how they look, does the new haircut look good, etc. I can't tell them no, it looks bad, etc. I just don't have the heart to. So I guess by me doing that, I tell some little lies.
I had to answer this question on one of those e-mail chains that goes around... What's one lie that you've told lately? I am a high school teacher and among other lies I've told in my life, one that comes up every year is when I tell my kids I like all of them, which is complete b.s. because it's inevitable that every year, there are a few kids I really, truly cannot tolerate and I wonder how I'm going to make it through an entire year with them.
I think little lies get us through the days.
I'll admit, I try not to hurt anyone's feelings and so am guilty of telling these little lies from time to time, sometimes you just want to yell the truth, but I rarely do when the truth would make them feel bad about themselves. Oh well.
I cant help but lie to myself sometimes, tell myself that everything is going to be okay, usually financially even though Im never certain that it is.
I hired a cleaning crew to scrub our entire house top to bottom three days before our wedding--mere hours before the in-laws arrived. Husband (then fiance) was shocked and thrilled at the spotlessness. I let him think I'd done everything. No harm, no foul. . .totally worth it.
I think most of my lies tend to be false compliments to people - I LOVE you dress! - Your hair looks GREAT today! - but they result in happy poeple, so no harm done.
I'd rather tell a little lie than hurt someones feelings. That's just the way I am.
If my friend is convinced that her new haircut is becoming and she is happy, there is no way I am going to put a damper on that.
Actually, all I want is the VISA gift card.
I try to be honest and set a good example for my children, but after reading your comments, I too must admit that I lie to myself. I'm going to try to be more aware and honest with myself.
I always tell people, I won't keep this a secret if it impacts someone else I know negatively...therefore, I don't get told many secrets! But hey a padded bra is a good lie for yourself :)
I would like to comment that it is difficult to control your eating but it makes it much easier when you've had the experience of a heart attack and lived through it. If I could grow all of my own food I would.
Actually, I tend to be overly blunt (e.g. honest). Even when I am tempted to lie, I will bone up and tell the truth, because it is rarely good to delude another person into thinking that reality isn't really reality. There has been an occasion or two, however, where it is pertinent to lie in order to keep another person safe. This I have done, and will continue to do.
I lie mainly to myself so that I can get through the day without beating myself up for not being thin. I tell myself I look good, even though I clearly need to lose weight. I see that I'm overweight, yet my love of food and good times overrides it.
Here is my lie. I have been seeing a married man for about 2 years. I tell some of our mutual friends that I have a boyfriend that lives out of town. Others think I am single. Some know about us but the man I see does not know they know. We have amazing sex and I am not looking for anything more. What I love is that while his wife is at church we are together. I lie because I don't want either of us to get caught. I date other people so it is not as if he is only one I see. I like the excitement and mystery. So my motivation is to not give up the great sex and not get caught.
I became friends with this guy, Jack, the beginning of my senior year of high school. He was a sophomore in college, and my mother absolutely hated it. She thought that dating any college student, let alone one who was two years ahead of me was dsigraceful. The morning after (finally) getting caught sneaking out to go on a date with Jack, she forbade us to see each other ever again, or even speak to each other. I sat mother down and broke the news to her. "Mom, Jack is gay and I'm the only person he's come out to. He needs me." Her attitude completely changed and she allowed me to spend every free minute with Jack, who I fell absolutely in love with and who, of course, was not gay at all. VERY hetero. A year later, Jack and I are still dating and trust me, explaining that one to mother was a very complicated process. I'm just glad I'm no longer under her jurisdiction, so we can laugh it off instead of negotiating punishments for my lie!
I recall a lie I once told a friend. She was aout to be interviewed for something and looked horrible. The choice was either tell her and make her self conscious the entire time or support her with an exaggeration of her beauty. I chose to express my pleasure with her hair, makeup and clothes. She didn't get the job and I never told her the truth. i hope that didn't become her "Go to" interview attire.
when i was little (maybe three or four), i was playing with my grandma's pretty perfume bottles on top of her dresser... i put on A LOT of perfume and then wound up spilling a whole bunch on the carpet. when i floated downstairs in a cloud of shalimar, my grandma asked if i put on perfume. i said no, maybe my mom did. she obviously knew, but just smiled and never mentioned it again. another reason why she's so loved.
I have lied about how I feel on more then one occasion. Sometimes I feel like it is a burden to tell someone how I relaly feel (or don't feel). I really should tell people the truth, maybe it will free me.
When I was in the 4th grade I hated math. I hated it with a passion which I'm sure is like most people. I remember we had a test coming up and I knew if I failed it my mom would kill me. Well turns out I did fail it, so I went home and told my mom that I wasn't able to read the questions ( I was only in the 4th grade, don't ask how I came up with it!). She ended up taking me to the eye doctor and I faked the entire test and at the end of the appointment my mom bought me some very expensive glasses. For about the next week or so I would wear them when I watched tv and it made my eyes hurt so bad because they were so blurry! Eventually I just stopped wearing them and every now and then my mo would ask where they were and I told her I lost them! I'm now almost 22 and still have never told her this story!
For three years I told many lies to my boyfriend because I was so desperate for his attention. A lot of the worst lies that I imagined, I never had the guts to tell. I fantasized about telling him I had cancer, or that I was locked out of my loft, or that there had been a shooting on my street because I thought that he would *have* to call me back if I told him something so dire. My biggest lies to him were about being happy and about being happy with him the way he was. In reality, he was self-absorbed and on a downward spiral with alcoholism and I lied and said I was happy because I thought we could fake it until we made it. I thought that he was the best I could do-that he would love me the most that anyone ever would. I've learned that those lies don't help anyone. My lying only prolonged our time together, and took away precious days from my life. Now, I am so happy without him-not with anyone else yet, but it doesn't matter because I don't cry anymore.
For 8 years I lied to my friends and family about my boyfriend/fiance. I told them it was not as bad as they thought. I told them that he didn't hit me. I certainly did not tell them that he cheated on me and that for the last 3 years he was with the same horrible woman (she used to tell him to beat me). As far as what I learned: When he decided to beat me and choke me in front of our 21 month old daughter... the lies stopped. I fessed up and my family came and got me out of that house and I have been living with my brother and his wife (and two dogs) since January. It has been hard and I have a long road ahead of me, but at least I don't have to lie about that anymore.
I lied yesterday when I broke up with my boyfriend of four years for cheating on me and told him I'd never cheated on him.
I lie to myself every day. I think that I'm not *that* fat. I'm firm fat.
But the fact is, I'm fat. Very, very fat. The worst part is that friends, family and lovers also betray me by saying that I'm not *that* fat.
I sprint past mirrors. I only look at my face when I'm in front of one. I find flattering clothes.
But the sad truth is, I am *that* fat.
My biggest lie ever was to my mother. I was seven, and in second grade. I wanted bangs so badly. Everyone had them. Allison, Jessica, Alana, Julie, EVERYONE. Except me. So I cut some into my hair with my green lefty scissors that I still have to this day.
My mother asked what happened. "I don't know." How did you get bangs? "I don't know." Well did you put them there? "No." Do you expect me to believe someone else put them there? "I guess so." Do you really expect me to believe someone broke into the house late at night while we were all sleeping and instead of killing us or kidnapping or stealing they quietly cut your hair and then left?!
I looked my mother straight in the eyes. "Yes I do. That is exactly what must have happened."
I had bangs well past high school, and loved having them the entire time. That lie was totally worth it.
I'm currently fooling myself by believing that my ex fiance' will beg me to come back and then actually be capable of being faithful and employed for the duration of our lives. He claims it's all over (even though its been the same girl three times now) and he went drinking (again) all night (again) on a work night. It helps that she left town, but that's just a lie of convenience I tell myself.
Then I tell other people that I am smart enough to just let him go. That is the lie for the outside world. I'm not sure I can. Maybe sheer embarrassment can keep me brave?
Well this lie is a fresh one--I just told it a month ago. I was walking back to my apartment with a friend when we realized we were being followed. Of course, hind sight is 20/20--it was 4:30am and we shouldn't have been walking home but once I realized we were being followed, I knew we had to do something. We were almost running to my building entrance when I felt someone pulling on my ponytail--I whipped around and without even thinking started screaming at the guy, "I'M A F*CKING COP AND I HAVE A F*CKING GUN!!" He left me alone and as he was runnning away, he grabbed my friend's bag anyway. He was gone in less than 5 seconds. So the lie was a) I was a cop (I am not) b) I had a gun (i did not, nor do I own one). Some people said what I did was stupid but the way I look at it is he might have gotten her bag but he didn't harm us and that's all that matters in the end. The lesson I learned was to always carry mace with you...and also to take a self-defense class!
I lie to my husband about shoes or clothes I buy. I say they're cost less money then they really were. I love shopping and have a hard time cutting back, even though I need to so we can save money.
Once I forgot to call in sick for work, went out of town to see a concert and proceeded to get a little drunk with my friends. I planned on calling in later, closer to the time I was supposed to work but I had forgotten and at midnight in the middle of a song at the front of the stage I remembered. I called my husband and begged him to call into work for me saying we were sick and fell asleep.
I lied about thinking a good friend's marriage was a good idea. I lied right through a toast at their rehearsal dinner and in front of 150+ guests at the wedding the next night. I thought it would be a disaster, it was a disaster and I feel guilty about how much pain she was in after it became clear it was a disaster. I don't think she would have listened to me had I told her my concerns, but maybe she would have.
I told my ex boyfriend that I was pregnant to punish him for leaving me. I wasn't pregnant, but secretly enjoyed watching him squirm for a few weeks. Ironically, years later I found out that I couldn't get pregnant and had to adopt my daughter. Payback is a bitch!
I lied to my fiancee. I met and fell for someone else, and lied and lied for a year and a half. I broke off the engagement. My affair with the other person crashed and burned, with a shocking immediacy. I learned the type of person you can become if you don't stay true to yourself. I learned that lying does not a good foundation make for anything. Relationships built on lying, whether the lies are to that person or to someone else, are not real. Somehow when you are doing it, its different because its YOU, you feel you have reasons, that your situation is different, more compelling. Looking back now, I can only think about it in short bursts. I am too shocked at what I did. I still cry almost every night, about who I became, what I did, who I hurt. I wanted to want the life I planned so badly, the wedding, the husband, and I just didn't and couldn't understand why. I used to say I had no regrets, that whatever you do you learn from, but I do now. I regret it all.
This is hard to admit...and I think that people will think I am crazy. I lie about whether my clothes are new or not. I shop, a lot. And people always ask me if what I am wearing is new, and I feel bad about all the shopping I do and think that if I always say yes, that they will see that I actually have a shopping addiction! So I lie, and I say no, it's an oldie!! I have had this outfit forever. I know it's strange!
Until recently, I have always lied about having my Bachelor's Degree. I was Valedictorian in high school and went to college on an academic scholarship. I left after my sophomore year for a guy and we didn't up working out. By then, I had been hired at a great company and was making decent money for someone my age. I always wanted to go back, but just never did. When asked questions about school I would try to lie without REALLY lying. You know, when asked "What is your degree in?" I replied, "I majored in business." I always felt like such a failure and would never really bring it up. In relationships, if that subject was brought up- I'd rather end things than tell them the truth. These days, I realize that I am not defined by a degree and surround myself with friends who could care less about whether I have my Bachelor's or not. I will never forget how liberating it was to finally tell a guy I was dating the truth about my education. We're still together 8 months later!
My husband's good friend is cheating on his girlfriend. I feel awful that I know and it feels a lot like I'm betraying my own. I don't know his girlfriend very well, and I wouldn't feel comfortable telling her. I also do not feel like it's my place.
I haven't formally agreed to keep the secret for my husband's friend -- to his face. In fact, he doesn't even know that I know. I won't tell her unless she asks me, which she won't. She's already been told by other people but refuses to believe it. Maybe I'm lying to her by not telling, but I think it's even worse that she's lying to herself.
I lied about when I lost my virginity. Most people who lie about this do it because they lost it when they were too young and don't want to appear "easy". I, on the other hand, lied and said I lost it when I was 18, but in fact I was much older. The things is, I was a good girl in high school and when I went to college I gained a lot of weight and quite honestly, no one wanted to sleep with me. It wasn't until I lost weight and gained some confidence that guys found me attractive and I did really have sex for the first time. My lie did not hurt anyone but myself and I think I did it more to make myself feel "normal" if that makes sense. Looking back, I doubt anyone really cared about my sexual experience or lack of it.
If I have kept lies for others I have done it unintentionally or they hav been pretty harmless. I am pretty bad at keeping secrets so I am not sure anyone would intrust me with anything too major anyway :).
I don't think that makeup/pushup bras/etc are lies. They are simply working with what you have. It's not good when a woman feels forced to wear makeup/push up bras and such but as a woman, I am happy to have all the options. As a woman, we have the ability to reinvent ourselves for an evening. And men, even though they claim to like women natural, they are probably hitting on someone that is just good at putting on makeup so it doesn't look like she has any on or is wearing a bra that has subtle padding rather than a madonna-cone-boob number.
I lied about having an orgasm. What motivated me to tell this lie? Well, what my old roommate and I call "rubber chicken sex" where it's gone on so long, eventually it feels like you're doing it with one of those hokey rubber chickens. I figured if I lied and said I finished, it would be over- not realizing that a guy of twenty-two doesn't care if YOU'RE done- HE is going to keep going. If you lie and say you've finished, he just feels like more of a stud and thinks he's going to get you to round two. *sigh* I don't think there was a "payoff" for me- and I don't think I much looked him in the eye at all- Not from shame of telling the lie, I think I had my eyes closed, just pretending I was in the bahamas or something until it was over.
Ive always viewed theo whole Makeup/Pushup Bras/ Etc as lies. I dont like it when women misrepresent themselves, and I would prefer someone who enjoyed their own natural beauty. I blame the media, of course, for brainwashing young women into thinking they NEED makeup, when really, the dont.
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