By the time December hits, I’m feeling overweight, overscheduled, and overdrawn. So each December I make myself feel better by settling on a set of life-changing resolutions and promises to change for the better—or at least to stop overdosing on gingerbread cookies and spending money that I don’t have. My intentions are always genuine and I’m always dead serious about sticking with them. Problem is, each December also marks another year’s good intentions long forgotten.
I’ve heard all the usual advice on how to stick to resolutions (planning, setting mini-goals, yeah, yeah), but maybe it’s more than that—maybe the way I go about resolving is what’s setting me up for failure. I decided to look a little deeper into the art of the New Year’s resolution. Who keeps them and who doesn’t? And is there something special about the ones that do get kept? Turns out, there is. I found enough information to change my approach come January 1.
1. Resolve to Reflect
Danielle Milonas, a San Diego-based life coach, says the resolutions we make are often negative and constricting. She suggested revamping my resolution style to tackle those old same goals, but with more positive, overarching life alterations. “Saying that you’ll set aside some time each week to think about what’s making you happy and what isn’t will ensure that you’re progressing toward the life you want for yourself,” she says.
Lauri Davis spent five years as a television news reporter and even took time off to earn a master’s degree in journalism before deciding it wasn’t the right career for her. “Every year I’d look back and wish I had more time to do the things I wanted to do—travel, visit family, learn Spanish—but my career was all-consuming and it was wearing me down,” she says. After taking time to reflect, Davis decided the overarching problem was that her job was sabotaging all her other plans and goals. After realizing this, she transitioned to public relations, a career that fit more with her goals and interests.
“I’d never just taken the time to really reflect on what I wanted out of life and what was stopping me from getting it,” she says. “As soon as I did, I knew it was my job that was standing in the way.”
Whether reflecting on the ups and downs of ’08 helps you realize that you’re in need of a giant overhaul, like Davis, or that you just need to make some tweaks, taking an hour—in your head, on paper, or out loud—will clarify what to incorporate, or not incorporate, into ’09.
2. Resolve to Think Positively
“I know I need more exercise, but I hate the gym, “says Mia Beemiller, a speech pathologist. “Yet I always try to meet my weight-loss goals by throwing a ton of money at a gym membership and personal trainer.” Continually trying to meet a goal by doing things we don’t enjoy sets us up for failure. Instead, says Milonas, think about your goal in terms of what you like. “After reflecting on what you enjoy, use this knowledge to find activities that will lead you to a healthier mind and body, whether it’s a weekly hike with your dog or a tennis session with a friend.” Recognizing the power of our natural inclinations, and coming to terms with the idea that past attempts just won’t work, will help build a plan for meeting goals in a sustainable way.
“People who build plans based on positive emotions, like happiness and satisfaction, stick to them,” says Milonas. “Focus on the positive emotions you’ll get from having more money or calling your sister once each week, and you’ll be inspired to do it.”
So in my quest to be more responsible with my money, I’ll focus on feeling good over feeling bad. When I’m tempted to overspend, I’ll think of the stressed out feeling I get from money problems versus the happy feeling I get from a cushy savings account. Milonas advises taking this positive spin down to the very phrasing of the resolution: Instead of, “I’m not going to spend money,” I’ll resolve to regularly add to my savings account.
