My Uterus, Husband, and I Agree – No Children

I am a woman. I have all the biological requirements to have a child. Yet, I do not have the instincts or rational desire to do so. Does that make me less of a woman to not want to have a child either by using my body, my eggs, or my money to adopt?

My parents are the only people who, when I said I didn’t want to have kids, responded with, “Sounds like a good idea.” They married because I was on the way and had two more after me. They know how hard it is to raise kids, but they also love us very much. They wouldn’t change what had happened, but they wouldn’t force their want for a grandchild on me. Besides they have two already (I’m off the hook!)

How many times have I heard after saying that I don’t want children:

• “Oh, I’m sorry.” Sorry for what? I’ve made a conscious choice and I’m proud to have the courage (because that’s what it takes in this society) to say no.
• “Don’t you like kids?” LOVE ’EM! They’re cute, huggable, sweet smelling, curious, and all that. I just don’t want one in my home relying on me.
• “You’ll change your mind.” Isn’t it possible that as an adult, I’ve learned how to make a decision and stick to it?

My husband and I talked about kids before marriage. We both agreed we didn’t want any and the forward in our future rested on that. He had a bad first marriage and I had little instinct or physical and mental desire to invest. Subsequently we have prepared responses for those who invade our personal lives with the question, “Do you have kids?” as if that is the only characteristic about us that makes us worthy to get to know. How about, “Do you travel?” “Have you been to ... ?” “What’s the last movie you saw?”

Why choose to be child-free? Well there are the selfish reasons (that’s what you tell me, I’m selfish) such as wanting a clean house, peace and quiet, financial and personal freedom, as well as an identity that isn’t bound to someone much younger than you. Then there is the “carbon footprint,” impact on society, society’s impact on the child, and overpopulation. Those are real concerns, but for our primary ones.