The exorcism of your demons came at such a heavy cost. I don’t know if you can fully appreciate the enormous courage it took to confront such a pernicious shadow. Since I failed to protect you from such evil, I made it my mission to speak when you cannot and to force your due justice into my words.
I weep for the fears you knew too well. What you bore in secret must have twisted your life into something grotesque. Words and situations can be manipulated easily into alternate realities. It must have been exhausting for you to have split yourself so mercilessly.
If I had known ... this ruminating is useless to you, I know. Assuredly, someone would have been held accountable. Even now, no one really assumed the responsibility of having failed you. So, I will. Because you need to know that you are worthy of being loved and protected. You did not deserve to experience your life as a free-fall ride for everyone to later judge.
You often asked me the significance of the many cryptic dreams you had, your subconscious fighting some of your darkest fights. We always wondered if the bad guys were ever vanquished. Now I now that they have been. And it took no one less than a frightened little girl with crooked bangs and thick glasses. The snake whose molted skin you saw hanging on a tree was indeed you, emerging as the watchful protagonist striking the heels of the arrogant and pitiful foe.
The scapular you wore did invoke divine counsel and your guardian namesake was summoned to keep watch over you. I wrote JESUS on your shoulders to give you the wings you needed to fly into a safety only the truly innocent would know. At least in your sleep you would be safe. You were found strong enough to enter battle for not only yourself but for those stuck in the quicksand of complacency. Perhaps they don’t deserve to rest in your heroism. But in you they can glimpse glory and discover hope for themselves.
For the war you have fought and the battles you continue to engage in, you will always be my hero.
