Dating is hard. It’s also annoying, self-esteem crushing, and time-consuming. But it can also be amazing, self-confidence boosting, and simply so much fun. Dating is about more than just finding a partner - it’s a good way to meet new people, work on your social interaction and communication skills, and experience new things.
Dating is hard. It’s also annoying, self-esteem crushing, and time-consuming. But it can also be amazing, self-confidence boosting, and simply so much fun. Dating is about more than just finding a partner—it’s a good way to meet new people, work on your social interaction and communication skills, and experience new things.
When you begin dating again after a relationship breakup, it’s very easy to bring residual thoughts and actions from the past to the forefront, which can often keep that tiny spark from igniting into something more. Here are five common mistakes that we make in dating, yet don’t even realize we’re making them:
1. Tunnel vision.
Don’t limit your dating pool to your normal “type.” Branch out of your dating comfort zone and give a chance to those you haven’t previously considered (think age, looks, profession, location). You just might be surprised as to whom you meet and fall for.
2. Underestimating how much you have to offer.
Be you; not what you think other people want (i.e. your mother, your friends or that guy you’ve had your eye on). Authenticity is sexy, and it goes hand in hand with confidence, adding up to a very attractive combination. Plus, if it clicks with someone, you’ll know it’s real.
3. Judging yourself.
Confidence and friendliness count for way more than model looks—in dating, and in life. You’re human; you have flaws. Learn to rock your flaws instead of beating yourself up.
4. Expecting too much (or anything) on a first date.
Having expectations about a first date almost always leads to disappointment, especially when you’re first diving back into the game when your fear level is high. Avoid this by enjoying the company no matter what they’re like. If it’s great? Great—go out again. If the date totally tanked? Enjoy a bad date for what it is—a great story to tell your friends. Taking the pressure off makes for an enjoyable time, no matter what happens.
5. Cynic-syndrome.
When you’re in post break-up “I’ve-been-burned” mode, it’s incredibly common (and natural) to assume the worst about people. Do your best to avoid this and you’ll be pleasantly surprised how everyone isn’t your evil ex. Letting go of cynicism is a major part of moving forward. This is a hard one, so be patient with yourself!
So, as you get back out into the dating world, take a step back and be aware of yourself, your thoughts, and how you are presenting yourself to the world. Remember these five common mistakes, know that you’re not alone in thinking this way, and try to keep these mistakes from preventing a potential future happy relationship.
BounceBack helps people recover from heartbreak, whether from divorce or relationship breakup. It’s a place to tell your story, read expert advice, and get emotional support from our community as you go through the Four Phases of Bouncing Back. Heartbreaks happen to everyone. And we believe everyone has the potential to bounce back and move forward to a life full of strength, confidence, and happiness.
By Samantha Scholfield for BounceBack
Samantha Scholfield is a writer, dating coach, and author of Screw Cupid: The Sassy Girl’s Guide to Picking Up Hot Guys. Billed as a “considerably hipper author” than The Rules, she is currently working on the guy’s version of Screw Cupid, due for publication in February 2011. www.screwcupidthebook.com.
BounceBack helps people recover from heartbreak, whether from divorce or relationship breakup. It’s a place to tell your story, read expert advice, and get emotional support from our community as you go through the 4 Phases of Bouncing Back. Heartbreaks happen to everyone. And we believe everyone has the potential to bounce
