Last night, I met some girlfriends for a drink. We spent the entire evening analyzing the behavior of the men we were dating. None of us could really say much of anything for certain. So much for being older and wiser.
Case Study #1: This has layers. Cathy’s ex called her recently and told her that he realizes he screwed up and that he loves and misses her. He said that in the years since they’d split he’s dated other women but hasn’t found anyone like her. Like the saying goes, he didn’t realize how good he had it until she was gone. She’s meeting him for dinner in a couple of weeks but wonders if she should because she has a boyfriend.
I’m not sure she should be calling him a boyfriend because they’ve been dating for a little more than a month and are already in a standoff. Plus, he lied to her about not having kids when in fact he has two, and they live with him. She was thinking about breaking up with him, but then he sent her a text late last night apologizing for making her upset, and said that he missed her too.
Finally, there’s her dance partner. I wasn’t surprised to hear that there’s some sexual chemistry brewing here because have you seen the outfits these girls wear?
Case Study #2: Meredith is in love with a coworker she dated for several months over the summer. To be honest, it sounds like they’re still dating, minus the sex. He’s moving across the country in a couple of weeks and keeps telling her over coffee that he’s sad about it even though it was his choice. She’s tried dating other men but her heart still belongs to Coworker Guy and she just can’t seem to move on.
Case Study #3: I’m crazy about this guy I met last week. We spent the entire weekend together. I met his posse and let him see me without makeup. Of course, he doesn’t live here and is in town only until the end of the week. We’ve seen or talked to each other every day since we met, except the last two days. Now I’m wondering if it was all just a fling. I can’t decide how I feel about that because on the one hand, I like him. On the other, why get emotionally attached to a guy who’s probably just going to break my heart?
We dissected everything: calls, texts, what he said, what he didn’t say, was alcohol involved? Around and around we went. In circles. Maybe he’s busy. Maybe he’s not ready. Maybe he’s tired. We tried to learn from past mistakes and assumptions. I reminded Cathy of Police Guy. She reminded me of Hawaii Guy.
It was more than a little frustrating. We weren’t trying to be overanalytical or obsessive. We just wanted a crumb of clarity. Is that so much to ask?
Dating is such a mystery. Here we were, three intelligent, successful women, and we were completely clueless about these guys. We ordered another round of drinks.
I wanted to text new guy but the girls warned me I might get rejected. I didn’t care, at least I’d have clarity. Cathy was willing to go so far as to break up with the boyfriend just to have some resolution. Meredith was the only one who refused to be coaxed into action.
We might not have agreed about what to do in pursuit of clarity for ourselves but we were in agreement about two things. One, we really had no idea what to make of any of our situations. Who knows what they’re thinking? Two, we weren’t going to sit around waiting for these guys to call us or ask to see us. We already have that T-shirt.
