I receive a few comments about my articles here on DC. Those I have received are supportive and generous. But I received one recently that pinned me down, and made me think. And I love to think, so I must respond. A question was asked: If you don’t really want a partner, then why go through the motions of partnering?
Despite my emotionally charged rant about my steadfast desire to remain single in my last article, “I’m Single; I’m Proud,” I must admit I haven’t totally, completely, unilaterally rejected the idea of finding that colloquial “someone special.” I am still a romantic at heart. It must be that hot Latino blood running like Cupid’s venom in my veins. I love meeting women. I love flirting. I love dating. I love the chase. Sitting at a table across from my date is, for me, the pinnacle of being.
I get a similar feeling at times when I am outside. Very often the nature of my work requires my presence in the field. I’ll be chasing down surveyor stakes for instance, and I’ll simply have to take a moment to come up for air, stop, and look off in the distance at the mesas, the white-capped mountains, the nearby sandstone formations, or the white clay hills obstructing the horizon. I take it all in and remember that I am alive. I exist. I am real. And this is the life I am living in this particular moment in time. What a blessing.
Or maybe it’s late at night. I am lake side. There is no moon, and the black sky is sprayed with an uncountable number of stars. The Milky Way shines in a dull brilliance. A satellite tracks across the sky like a star moving to a new position. An aircraft passes by silently. A shooting star leaves a streak in a flash of finality. Gentle waves lap the shore. And again, I take it all in. A person has only a few nights like these in his life.
These are the kinds of feelings I get when I am on a date. I am not really partnering up so much. I am just celebrating life, living in the moment, taking it all in, counting my blessings.
I was asked another question: Could you explain a little more clearly what you do want from the women you go out with?
Confession: I used to date ladies with the idea that I might get laid by the end of the night. But I have matured. (Yes, ladies, guys can become refined, contrary to popular belief.) Actually, I discovered that dating women with the hope of finishing the night with a romp in the hay usually ended in frustration. Besides, it’s not fair to have that kind of expectation, since I want no expectations made of me. Therefore, to do so robs the date of an otherwise great time.
What I want from my dates is multifaceted, and perhaps convoluted: conversation, exploration, revelation, education … Heck even some rejuvenation would be nice. I want to feel when I am on a date. Don’t get me wrong. I have feelings, and I tap them often enough. I want her to tell me whatever is on her mind. I want her to tell me about her life, where she came from, what she enjoys, what she fears, what she desires. I want to hear about her children, if she has any. I want her ideas about marriage, relationship, expectations, and dreams. I want to know her talents, what she does and what she would like to do in her spare time. I want her to hear my stories and draw conclusions about the kind of person I am. I want to admire her. I want her to admire me. I want to learn about her. I want to laugh and make her laugh. I want to see what kind of humor she has. Is it dry, deep, twisted, obnoxious? Can I say something seemingly stupid, and have her catch the subtlety of it? From all of this and more, I am doing a chemistry check. And that’s usually where it ends because there’s usually no, or sharply limited chemistry.
