Getting out into the dating scene when you’ve got kids is no easy task, just ask any of the 10 million mothers out there who now find themselves playing the roles of chief, cook and bottle washer for their children, and they’ll tell you. Because my son hadn’t even been born when I left his father, the idea of dating, let alone inviting someone new in my world, was the last thing on my mind. I was more caught up in around the clock feedings, wellness checks and trying to learn to balance career and motherhood, than to worry about who I was dating on a Friday night.
Online Dating . . .
After almost two years of not really wanting to date, my mom and friends decided to surprise, or push me, depending on how you want to look at it, by signing me up for an online dating service. This was NOT exactly how I wanted to go about meeting a potential paramour, as the whole “one in five relationships start online” statistic hadn’t exactly come into being yet, and going online made me feel more desperate than anything else.
Reluctantly, I started accepting emails from an array of admirers who used the service. Some were nice, some were weird and others were down right raunchy. However, after weeding through the muck, I connected with Chris*. Chris wasn’t exactly the kind of guy you’d find on the cover of GQ but, he was tall, in good shape, worldly, and based on his profile, seemed to share a similar outlook on life.
When we decided to connect outside of the service, our communication was brief and by text. This was kinda weird for me, as the last time I was in the dating scene, a gentleman actually called a woman to converse a little and set a first date. My friends assured me that this is how it’s done now, and to go ahead and go out with him.
First Impressions . . .
When I first set eyes on the man I thought might be Chris, I prayed it wasn’t him, as he didn’t exactly match the pictures on his profile. However, after he opened his mouth, I decided to push my superficial judgments aside and settled into what turned out to be seven hours of non-stop talking about everything from family and friends to spirituality and politics. When we were done, he walked me to my car, and gave me the kind of extended full body embrace that let’s a woman know . . . ahem . . . what she needs to know.
For our second date, Chris arranged for us to see a play with two of his closest friends, who also happen to be a married couple. Through out the afternoon, I received several mixed messages from Chris and his friends. Questions about me being a mom and whether or not I would be open to him getting me a nanny were intertwined with comments from his friends like, “Chris has never brought a woman to meet us.” It was all together confusing, as there were moments he seemed to already have us at happily ever after and others where I felt that being a single mom was like wearing a scarlet letter.
Timing Is Everything . . .
I’m not the type of mother who lets her child meet the man she’s dating until after a certain amount of time and understanding has come to pass. So, when we pulled up to the house and my son was standing outside watering the lawn with his nana, I was very uncomfortable. Unsure of how to handle it, when my son came running over to me as I got out of the car, I introduced Chris very briefly before sending my son and mother inside.
