Which are YOU? Victim, martyr or the can-do kind of woman? Whether we want to admit it or not, you are one of those three and a lot depends on your attitude, thinking, and actions. So, let me tell you my story so you will understand what I mean. About five months ago, I met a wonderful man. Actually, I already knew him, just hadn’t seen him in thirty years. Where did we re-meet? Where else, but Facebook . . . what I deem as the “High School Hook-Up” site. I friended him, he accepted, and before you know it, we were IMing (that’s instant messaging for anyone who is not computer savvy). Late one night we are having so much fun going back and forth when he invites me to go have a quick bite to eat and just meet up. Now, understand, I had only been divorced for a year and had zero desire to get serious with anyone. And having read his basic information, which said he was not looking for a serious relationship, but just wanting to have fun, I thought, “What the heck?!” It’s perfect, we both want the same thing . . . just to have fun. HA! I obviously forgot that I am a woman and most of us do not know the meaning of “JUST” fun.
Anyway, he and I hit it off and next thing we know, we’re hanging out pretty regularly and I will admit having a blast, but as most women do, I began to “fall.” If you knew this man, ladies, you’d understand why. Tall, dark, handsome, fun, successful, adorable, etc. Now, from day one, he has made it VERY clear that he is not looking for anything serious. Why is it that we women hear those words and almost instantaneously see it as a challenge? Hmmmm . . . well, I can be the “one” who changes his mind. Even with not wanting to get serious about anyone, I could hear that little voice in my head saying that. I would shut it down immediately, but amazingly it kept rearing its ugly head ever so often.
So fast forward five months later. We’ve had some hiccups along the way, but have been able to talk them through . . . another amazing, attractive, and rare quality in a relationship with a man. But, I’m full out in love with the man. Is he in love with me? Well, he never says he is, but he sure acts like it. BUT . . . he is still firm in his mantra of “I do not want a serious relationship.”
At this point I have several choices. I can play the victim—whine and cry. I can play the martyr—bitch and blame. Or I can do what a mature, pro-active woman needs to do—TAKE CARE OF ME! Whether or not he tells you upfront that he’s not going to get serious with you is inconsequential. When you get to that point where you are wanting/needing more and he is not, you have a decision to make. Do you stay and hope it works out and he changes his mind or sees how “awesome” you are or how awesome the two of you can be together, or do you put your big girl panties on and walk away with your dignity and self-respect intact? Well ladies, I chose the latter. Was it easy? No. I didn’t say that it didn’t hurt. In fact, I gave him a great big hug and kiss, got in my car and drove away only to pull the car over a mile or two down the road to cry my eyes out and call one of my girlfriends. At this point though, I could still play one of the three characters I describe in my title and rant and rave about “what a jerk he is for not seeing how good it could be, etc.,” but what would be the point? How would I be helping myself? No, ladies, I
