She lies in wait, seductively sipping her drink, caressing her mane, and sharpening her claws. Within seconds, she locks eyes with her young, unsuspecting prey. Without warning she strikes, leaving her young prey mystified and defenseless. She is a cougar—the powerful, single (commonly divorced), late forties or early fifties woman with a ravenous sexual appetite who enjoys rendezvous with young men and is completely indifferent to marriage and commitment. Although there are three types of cougars commonly spotted in the dating wild, there are some traits that are common to all cougars.
The cougar is elusive and only comes out at night, darting from bar to bar and hunting her prey. She prefers to spend her days in her corner office, spas, attending to plastic surgery, or shopping with her well-deserved alimony. She has decided that the company of younger men satisfies her desires beyond any man in her tax bracket. Maybe she got bored with her stiff executive husband who traveled too much. Maybe she fell in love once, got burned, and that was enough. Maybe she is incredibly consumed by her own career and can’t be bothered with the expectations society has placed on her. Maybe she has no need for children.
Whatever the case, she isn’t interested in “I do” or “I love you.” She is interested in money, sex, freedom, and men. You’ll recognize her by her wrinkle-free face, perfect breasts, sculpted abs, stiletto heels, and massive ambition. She’s a man-eater.
For centuries we have glorified the bachelor—the single man who has kept his freedom and independence, despite the many advances and attempts by women to change it. GQ, Esquire, and Details write stories in his honor. We worship George Clooney, Bill Maher, Paul Allen, Bruce Wayne, and even Jesus (although that’s speculative) as kings for keeping their single status well into the prime of their lives. Heck, we’ve even named a space after him—the bachelor pad.
Yet, when a woman reaches a certain age, isn’t married, and isn’t even interested in marriage, we scorn and pity her, and think her promiscuous for engaging in relationships with no thoughts of marriage. Enough of that. We should celebrate these women. Create magazines in their honor. Glorify them. Take lessons from them.
To learn more about them, I decided to observe her in her natural habitat. There are three species of cougar:
