(A fictional portrayal of the ups and downs of dating)
On this foggy San Francisco morning Stella sits and reflects on all her recent dating experience. Dating is so draining, in fact she finds it at times a miserable experience. Indeed it is flattering in many ways, yet at the same time a tiresome, frustrating, and often very confusing process in which we engage.
At 34, Stella is at a point in her life where she needs to keep her options open with guys and not waste time. Seems too many people date for the sake of just going out with a person, when in fact they aren’t really into them.
There are so many good guys that are bending over backwards for her—tickets to the opera from Jim who drives the beat up Jeep; picnics in Carmel with fancy French wines from Sam who is currently in between jobs; dinners at Pane e Vino by Rick who is divorced with a little daughter; bubbly in limos by Greg the part-time fitness trainer; and gifts arriving via courier like in “The Muse” starring Sharon Stone. Upon reflection, Stella leads a life of a princess, rather spoiled by all this attention, albeit from suitors with not picture perfect lives (at least in her mind.)
Her suitors call when they say they will call, pick her up when they say they will and always are the total gentleman that they promise they’ll be. They all are legitimately total husband material in every way. These gentleman call forty-eight hours ahead of the set dinner date to confirm, they ask her out seven days in advance for a dinner on a Saturday. They are by definition perfect.
So with the fancy dinners from Rick and handmade cards scattered around her room from James and Pete, why do her thoughts digress and go back to the man who is self admitting to dating others, who does not call when he promises he will, who never gives Stella a Friday or Saturday night date? He has excuses, he has been caught in lies, he is truthfully the greatest pain in her life, other than her shin splints. He was also the greatest challenge.
Keith was a crush. He crushed Stella with his intoxicating persona and she was infatuated by the idea of Keith. She likens him to a fake Rolex. From afar he appeared perfect—very handsome, classy, and the best that money could buy. He had the perfect venture capital job with successful IPOs right into his bank account. Yet upon closer inspection, she was able to distinguish his flaws. The attractive exterior was in fact muddled by a cheap clock system inside and what she thought was platinum was really silver. We all have had our share of fake Rolexes. You think it is real and then you realize it is a definite knock-off, often a really good fake.
In the beginning, Stella’s thoughts of him danced in her mind, when he called (of course never when he said he would) her nerves ran amok. They went out on a handful of dates and truth be told the intensity that she felt for him faded over time because he was not making an effort like the other men. It got old really fast. The games, the lies, the lack of courtship showed her that Keith was not good husband material. If a guy cannot even call when he promises he will, what foundation is that for building a possible future together?
Unlike Keith who could not sustain thinking about building a foundation together and was seemingly not interested, albeit a great challenge, Stella has a list of husband contenders who in fact are proving themselves as honest, genuine, and all around good guys. Slowly, as they prove themselves to her through their thoughtful actions and courtship, she is finding herself laying mental bricks down at building a possible future with one of them. Brick by brick, they are proving to become worthy of her full undivided attention, not distracted by a deceptive contender.
